15 Times I Was Wrong In 2015

I just want to say I hate this holiday. It is so disappointing and I hate staying up late, and it really sucks extra when you're sober and single- which I am both of those. But if this is your favorite holiday, that's okay because mine is Valentine's Day and I think more people hate my favorite holiday than your favorite (sparkly and over-the-top) holiday. Also I never keep my new year resolutions so that's a bummer. 

15 times I was wrong in 2015: 

*yes, in fact I was only wrong 15 times in 2015, no more and no less, so I am an almost perfect person with only 15 mistakes in 365 days ;-)

15.) "I am not a freshman, therefore I cannot gain 'freshman 15'" HAHAHA the only difference between the weight I gained and the freshman who put on the freshman 15 is that I do not have an excuse for why my jeans do not fit anymore.
14.)"This shirt is not see through, I am fine," Okay I lied because I probably made this mistake 44 maybe 45 times this year, today included, and I only find out that I am wrong as I am standing under the fluorescent lights of Nordstrom, at work.
13.) "He says it is different this time, and I believe him," okay so rule number 1 of life: NEVER believe a boy who claims "it is different this time," because I will bet you all of the glitter eye shadow in this world that nothing has changed, except he really wants a backseat make out this time.
12.) "I really like this boy, I should so go for him, it doesn't matter if he breaks my heart," Okay this happened maybe 6 or 7 times this year so add that to my number.
11.) "Kissing boys I don't like will make me not miss the boys I do like," wow, I see a trend here, I am wrong a lot when it comes to boys. Tip: kissing boys you do not like never satisfies when you are missing someone who truly has a piece of your heart.
10.) "I need to be skinny to be happy," there was a lot of times in 2015 when my size 25 jeans fit me and I was more sad than I have been in my life, and there has been times in 2015 when my fat pants barely button up and I have never felt more alive and happy, outward appearances do not dictate my happiness.
9.) "I can keep driving my car with this beeping sound and it will all be okay," um no, refer back to the worst day of my life, March 24th, in my post titled "Kenzie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day," for a vivid description of one of the many days when my life fell into shambles. I am entertaining when I am heart broken and it is past 1 am.
8.) "I can make myself like him," to me, this is one of the saddest statements. Not only is it horribly unfair to the boy, but to yourself. Forcing it upon yourself to have feelings for someone is not a relationship that anyone should get into, because ultimately you will end up feeling disappointed as H-E double hockey sticks- please never settle.
7.) "Just one more Greys episode..." Well...
6.) "I will never not miss him," no matter how great the boy seems in the minute, that aching pain eventually goes away. One day you will realize that for some reason he cannot be in your life at the moment and you will be okay with that. One day you will wake up without puffy eyes from crying before bed, one day you will want to feel happy and one day you will meet a guy who exceeds all standards your previous boy failed to meet.
5.) "He would never go for me, so why even try," there have been a lot of experiences, looking back now, that I see that I wish with my whole heart that I would have just gone for the guy. I wish that I would have sent that risky text or flirted back a bit more, because although sometimes I feel like he would never go for me, I just gotta listen to this quote " 'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take' -Wayne Gretzky' -Michael Scott"
4.) "My mom doesn't know what she's talking about," moms always know what they're talking about, especially my mom and especially when it comes to boys. And sometimes dads know what they're talking about too, and so do step dads and step moms.
3.) "When I have this I will be happy, when he leaves I will be happy, when I leave I will be happy," if I decide to be rotten about a situation then the situation is going to be crappy, that is just how it works. I have found that as cliche and cheesy and I am being right now, the more I look for the positive in the situation the happier I will be with my outcome and my situation.
2.) "I need these shoes," I just am looking in my shoe closet and spotting all of these heels I do not even have an event to wear them to and thinking about how many in n out meals I could have boughten instead.
1.) "This won't matter tomorrow," decisions follow you, good or bad, and so do the consequences, good or bad.

I was wrong a lot of 2015 and I made a lot of mistakes, but I was also right a lot of the time, like deciding to go to Malaysia, deciding to throw a senior class trip, reading The Joy Luck Club senior year, deciding to like the boy, and I am so grateful for the times I was wrong and I was right. I hope that 2016 brings me more boys, less heartbreak, and a few less times that I will be wrong.

xoxo

What To Know Before You Become The D.U.F.F.

Some are born into it, some become it by default, and some are it before even knowing that they are it- but I am speaking to all fellow D.U.F.F.'s out there. D.U.F.F. = Designated Ugly Fat Friend. Basically, the D.U.F.F. is the friend that people come up to, to have you set them up with your better looking, funnier and basically more desirable human being of a friend. Some kinder words for The D.U.F.F. are "wing woman" or "matchmaker," because the D.U.F.F. is always setting up their friends, per request of another fellow better looking human being.

I am marked as the D.U.F.F. I am just gonna say it, I can't fight it, I can't change it- all I can do is embrace it. If you are reading this and you are a D.U.F.F. you will understand, and if you are reading this who knows you have a friend who is a D.U.F.F., maybe you will better understand them and their lack of social involvement with the other gender.
Here are some helpful tips of what you want to know before you become the D.U.F.F. I can be a bit harsh because I am a D.U.F.F., this kind of is like how I can make racist Asian woman jokes because I am both of those.
You will be invited to cool parties and hangouts: just because you are the D.U.F.F. does not mean you will not be invited to fun stuff, it just means that you are the last invited to said cool gathering. You hear it through the grapevine, you hear it from a group of friends talking or you are accidentally included in a group message that was supposed to include the other much cooler and attractive person who shares your name. But still, at least you are invited and get to partake of the fun.
Cute boys will talk to you: being the D.U.F.F. does not exclude any kind of interaction with a better looking member of the opposite sex, however, when they choose to speak to you they probably want inside information on your hot friend, a ride home, or they are asking for you to put in a good word for them. Still, you get a conversation with a hottie.
Your other friends with complain to you about being The D.U.F.F. and you just have to say they're not and pretend to be sympathetic: the thing is, when you are The D.U.F.F. you just know, it is like this unspoken knowing, and your friends that claim to be The D.U.F.F. know it too, they just say this to make you feel better- like "you are soooo not The D.U.F.F. I am, I mean I only got like four guys numbers last night, LAME!" When in all actuality she actually got six numbers but is trying to make you feel better, and you know it was six because they all came up to you earlier that night to have you help them. But to all fellow D.U.F.F.'s out there, it is okay, because we get special information from hot guys at cool parties.
We might always be The D.U.F.F. but one day a guy will want the D.U.F.F.: I am a firm believer that there is someone for everyone. Everyone has a Kanye to their Kim, a weird guy with that neck tattoo to their inner fat lady at Walmart, it is just how it works. I believe that if we try hard enough, even the D.U.F.F.'s can find true and everlasting love. Until the guy decides he is bored with the girl and moves on, but still- even for a D.U.F.F. it is possible to find true love.
So to all fellow D.U.F.F.'s out there, be happy for your friends that are flocked with loving attention from cute guys, enjoy the cool parties you get to attend, and embrace being the D.U.F.F. because sometimes it is a bit rewarding.

xoxo

Perspective

Alright so I haven't been on this earth for very long, actually in the grand scheme of things I have been on this earth shorter than a boy changes his mind about a girl- which is pretty dang fast. But something that I have noticed, especially lately, is that when my perspective changes my situation changes. I feel like sometimes life is that optical illusion where you blur your eyes a little and squint and change your perspective, and you see a totally different image than previously. 

Before I got my heart torn open and ripped to shreds by multiple (okay not that many but let's pretend I have a super hard and dark past so I will gain pity and everyone will like me because they feel bad for me) boys, I would listen to the Taylor Swift lines of Forever And Always where she sings "Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide, like a scared little boy, I looked into your eyes.." and any heart broken girl know the rest of that line that just stabs at your heart. So previous to a dramatic occurance in my life I pictured the scared little boy line referencing the guy who stabbed Taylor's heart. I imagined that she was getting at him by saying he runs and he hides from the issues he needs to face- the way a scared little boy would. So fast forward a few months, heart broken and teary eyed me, obviously, turned to Taylor Swift for some serious musical therapy and now I picture her saying "like a scared little boy, I looked into your eyes," so now, Taylor (me) is the scared little boy. I am now the pitiful character who is scared and scarred. 

That is what perspective does. It takes the same situation and twists it so you see what you are internalizing. 

I often say "you are a 10 cows kind of girl, and you deserve a boy who has 10 cows to give," so a little backstory- (there are mulitple of these, I googled it) but basically, a long time ago, families would sell of their daughters for cows in a marriage. If a woman was sold for three cows, she was doing pretty well. Four cows was she was probably pretty and smart and didn't burn the food too much, but five cows was never heard of. And there was this one instance where a man said he would give 10 cows for a woman, basically stating her worth is a whole lot. Like 10 cows, slow down man. 

When a girl decides to look at herself with a different perspective, as a lady, as a woman, as a daughter of God, she sees that she is worth 10 cows. She will see that some guys only have 2 cows to offer, and that she should not settle for that. *Side note: When I mean cows to offer, I do not mean monetary status because boys have a lot more to offer than nice gifts and cool cars- like fancy dinners!

I wish girls saw themselves worth 10 cows. I wish that a girls perspective on herself is not damaged because a one track minded boy decides to simply not want her. I wish with all of my might that there were more boys who have 10 cows to give, who realized they have 10 cows to give and would want to give 10 cows. A lot of the time I forget that I am worth 10 cows, I mean I know I am psycho so maybe really wimpy and skinny cows, but 10 cows nonetheless. 

So ladies, if you are dating a guy who only has 3 cows and doesn't want to give up that extra 7, if he says little remarks that make you feel bad, if he gives you the feeling that his intentions are not true, if he doesn't make your heart beat faster than that one time at the Jonas Brothers concert when Nick sang that high note, then drop him. Because no girl is worth a guy that is not willing to give his 10 best cows for her.

xoxo

How To Lose A Girl In 10 Days

Last night, I was watching the ultimate chick flick "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days," and that is a favorite of mine for several reasons: Big fan of Kate Hudson-her arms are inspiring, I yearn for Andie Anderson's job so badly, I feel like it is one of the few films where the couple that falls in love actually look like they are the same age- a big deal to me, like I love "The Proposal," but sorry Sandra Bullock you look like you could be Ryan Reynolds' super cool aunt who is as old as his mom- this movie is just hilarious, and the characters are relate able- in the sense that everyone envisions themselves as the sultry, sexy and desirable Andie, while really you are Michelle who likes to call in the middle of the night to tell her boyfriend everything she ate that day.

This movie inspired a thought, what are the most annoying, irritating and downright awful decisions boys make when trying to get the girl? Basically, a guide of How To Lose A Girl In 10 Days, here we go:

10. Playing Hard To Get: Here's the deal, if you want to be desirable to a girl, do not make it sound like you have 7 side hoes waiting for you to beep her, because that makes the girl angry and loose interest. Do not make her text first when you want to hangout with her. Never try to make a girl jealous because it will only backfire, and she will be on another guys arm before you can dial your second side hoe.

9. Kiss Then Diss: This kind of goes along with playing hard to get, but if you really like a girl, and you finally get the guts to kiss her, text her after you guys hangout or the next day just to let her know that you had a good time and that you think of her more than a late night kiss. It is so hard as a girl to tell if a guy is being with you because he has feelings or if he's just trying to hookup, so make your intentions clear before she gets mixed signals and finds another boy who will tell her what his intentions are.

8. Being Clingy: I know I know, I just said do not play hard to get but don't be clingy so basically be the average guy who is sensitive but a bit rough and also has good style but not too feminine and likes to hold your hand but won't make out in public- the perfect guy! Easy! Next! But really, pay attention to how the girl is feeding off of what you say. If she seems annoyed and creeped out by your 7 tries to hangout, then maybe back off and take a breather and reassess the situation. 

7. Wear Basketball Shorts To The First Date: Enough said.

6. Playing Games: So on average, guys are annoying like roughly 89% of the time, however, guys that play games become annoying 100% of the time. Story time! One time, this kid confessed his like for me, like like not just like, then like two days later he was "making jokes" about how he has all these side girls and crappy stuff, and it was a major turn off. Of course I knew he was kidding because who needs a side hoe when they have me, naturally, but I was so bugged and it made me feel like crap. Cut the games, lay it on the table, and just be you.

5. Be On Your Phone While Hanging Out: If you want to tell a girl she is not worth your time and you would rather be with your friends then hanging out with a girl who wasted makeup and shaving her legs for you, without outright saying it, be on your phone while you hangout with her.

4. Act Different Around Your Friends Than Around Your Girlfriend: I mean, yes you are not going to talk to your girlfriend about video games and sports- because that's only what guys talk about, right? But it sucks, and is a major red flag when a guy is one way around his girl and a completely different person around "bros," it is frustrating and unattractive. Unless you are Jake Gyllenhaal, then you are always attractive.

3. Being Wrong And Not Accepting it: Girls are always right, I am sorry to say it so bluntly but it is true. If your girlfriend says 2+2 is 7, then it is 7. Okay that is a bit extreme but when you are in a fight, just let her be right and you can complain about it to your Black Ops pals late in the night when she is asleep.

2. Lead Girls On: When guys lead girls on with the simple phrases "this time it is real," or "I have never felt this way before," or "you are my kind of different," after like a two week period because he is trying to get a good some good car sports action- phrase thanks to Tina Fey in her novel "Bossypants," I highly recommend it to all, then they are the wrong kind of guys and these kind of guys should be cast out to a far away island, also guys who only text at 1am are also banished to this island. Just do not make her think there is a future, when you have no intentions of providing her that future. It is hard for girls to open up to a guy, and once that gate of emotion is open, it is even harder to shut it because he simply "changed his mind" or "got bored."

1. Bail On Her: No girl likes to be told "I am sorry I am so busy I just cannot make it tonight" because in girl language that translates to "you are annoying, fat and ugly and I do not want to waste my time with you because I would rather watch sports on TV and text other girls" or "I am hanging out with a girl who is ten times better than you and her coolest trait is not eating a complete dozen of Krispey Kreme doughnuts in under four minutes flat," either way, you better be on your freaking death bed in the hospital hooked up to life support, and saying my name with your last dying breath before you bail on me. I am not saying a guy should take her girl out to a five star restaurant and dancing every night, while it is nice to be treated every once and a while, but when a girl has plans with a guy she is looking forward to being with him. If you are too tired from work, I bet she is more than happy to watch a movie on the couch, munching on popcorn and holding hands. Bailing on a girl is the most heart wrenching thing a boy can do to a girl, it almost lines up with cheating on your girlfriend really.

Now, every girl is different. Some totally dig the clingy type and some want a guy who wears basketball shorts and owns it, to each his own. Do I sound scholarly because I use an overused phrase probably from a book or poet from like 4,000 years ago? Because I am pretty impressed myself. Enough self praise about me, I know I am funny and pretty and every guys' dream, stop please, this is embarrassing! But for real, basically do not be a jerk and be a nice guy who calls the next day.

xoxo

When You're Single

I love this time of year, but really who does not. I will tell you who, those who are sick of being single.

However, I choose to look on the bright side, and although living in the single lane kind of sucks like a lot, there are some plus sides. 

But holidays are always a thousand times more cherished when you have someone to be thankful for at Thanksgiving or to kiss on New Years or to go out with on Valentines day- that is just how it is.

Fun things to do when you are in a relationship over the holidays:

-Go ice skating (if you're into that kind of thing)

-watch cheesy Hallmark movies

-build gingerbread houses

-go work at a soup kitchen for the day aw

-holding hands

-looking at Christmas lights

-breathing

-shopping for your significant other

-family parties

-living in general

-baking festive delicacies

Fun things to do when you are single over the holidays:

-eating at Paradise Bakery because you can eat both of the "buy one get one free" cookies

xoxo

Life Is Too Short

Life is too short to:
-not get 2 for $3.33 sausage and egg mcmuffins from McDonalds at 11pm
-clean your room rather than hangout out with friends
-put your dreams on a temporary hold
-cry over crappy boys who don't care (!!!!!!)
-wear ugly shoes
-not kiss the boy
-hold yourself back because of the risk and the fear
-dress like your days aren't numbered
-"I'll call my mom later"
-not text first because you don't want to seem clingy
-never make it to Disneyland
-wait for things to happen to you
-avoid confrontation because you are avoiding conflict
-start running "tomorrow"
-drink flat Diet Coke
-take a vacation and decide to build a house on memory lane
-not call back
-do the slow fade
-not love the people in front of you

ps. fav quote of the week "I am a ten cow kind of girl and I deserve a guy who has ten cows to give."

stay sassy
xoxo

How A Relationship Starts vs. How It Ends

Because I have had a vast experience with relationships, and because I consider myself able to diagnose problems from watching an accumulative 16 seasons of Greys Anatomy (I restarted it) I have come to a medical conclusion, that for some reason boys are wired to get over breakups differently than girls do. Medical breakthrough! Spread the word! 

But jokes aside, it is the harsh truth.

When a relationship is blooming, it looks a little like this:

Happy, go lucky, hopeful really. Like oh look at this cute boy in front of me who will no doubt break my heart and cause me heartbreak to no extent, but he is cute so I will take it. And then the break up comes, whether initiated by the girl or the boy, and life looks a little like this:

Confusing and crappy and catastrophic. Because that boy who once was the shining beacon of you day, the boy who would wake you up with good morning texts and whose hugs seemed to cure all of the impurities in your world no longer has the right to hear the best parts of your days and you can no longer always count on one of his kisses to melt the pains of everyday life away.

So here's what I am getting at, when a couple splits, the girl (sorry to stereotype ladies) cries, she beckons her friends over and they trash talk the boy and eat trashy food and watch trashy movies. That is how she starts to cope, but guys, ugh, they cover their bleeding hearts with finding a new girl. Someone new to kiss and to take on dates, that is how he pushes his past love out of his life. I see this happen to friends over and over again, and it sucks. It sucks because why can't guys just cry and be emotionally unstable like girls? I haven't rewatched enough Greys Anatomy to know the answer to that question, but I do know that the boy is hurting too.

So to all of you ladies watching your ex beau hit up the town post break up while you're in bed with your favorite pair of fuzzy socks, just know that your boy who once gave you butterflies but now you want to run over his perfect hair with your car is not the only guy who copes this way, they all do it at some point. And being "friends" with your ex is a load of crap, because either you guys are hooking up or that's basically it. No one at this stage in our lives is grown up and mature enough to calmly look an ex in their eyes and just "be friends," but maybe we will grow up enough to get that way. Or not, maybe life is supposed to suck for all exes. I will let you all know when I figure it out. Until then, have fun being the crazy ex girlfriend.

xoxo

Giving Much Thanks

Things I am grateful for that I never imagined I would be grateful for:
-That my life is not the same it was a year ago, and that I am not the same person
-Happy couples
-My trials
-Friends that give me a hard time
-Boys that are not clingy
-Sweet potatoes
-I am not right about everything
-Tears
-Decisions are hard
-The people who decided to walk out of my life
-Those who fought to stay in my life
-The roads in Gilbert
-The fact that it is okay to not be okay
-Hugs
-Those people who don't let you be alone when you think you need to be
-Hard times, because they make the good times shine that much brighter
-Justin Bieber's new album
-Being told I am missed
-The fact that love isn't what I envision it to be
-People change, circumstances change, ideals change

xoxo

Back At It- Carpe Diem

I am that kind of person that needs a reminder. I need to set alarms in my phone to remind me to stop my Spotify Premium membership (which I still have not done gosh darn) and I need constant reminders from friends and family that everything works it's own way out in the end. Basically, I am needy. I am the type of person to retreat from conflict, to firmly think what I want and need, but never voice it. There have been times where I crawl into bed and replay my day and think "holy sh!t I carpe diemed the CRAP out of this day," and sleep with a sound mind that I grasped every opportunity and advantage I was given. Other times I have replayed the events of my day and I think "oh I could have brightened her day by lending a kind word," or "I should have attempted to flirt back with him," but you loose some you win some, right? Here are a few situations where I have carpe diemed the shiz out of that day.

I refer to this moment a lot, because I think it definitely is a moment that contributes to the box of "McKenzie's memories that shaped her into the outstanding human being she is today," although my mom said it was bratty and kind of lame of me. Oh well. So sometime in my past I had this boyfriend who I was quite fond of, we (he) decided to break things off because of personal reasons (he was starting his mission papers and could not have a girlfriend) so, respecting that decision- with much aide and support from friends and family, with Mom in bold print, I accepted it and we went our separate ways, kind of. See, going separate ways is hard when you live in Gilbert, Arizona, but whatever. Then, a few weeks after this devastating parting he decided it was okay to have a girlfriend, I know what you are thinking. What the heck! I am shocked! I am so confused! He clearly told me he could not have a girlfriend, yet he has one?! This, alongside a few other rumors heard throughout the grapevine, was the last straw. This moment happened right after the two minute warning bell for third period struck, and I was also struck with courage. I walked right out of my little circle of friends, as everyone was scrambling to make it to their class because at that point in the school year tardies were scarce, for no one wanted to accumulate yet another one, risking loosing credit for the class. I, in my good butt jeans and favorite sandals that remind me of my favorite blogger @sincerleyjules, walked right up to my ex boyfriend and his new girl and faced them, heart racing nonetheless, and said with a sincere (very sarcastic) tone, "aw what a cute couple," and walked away. Shay stood right behind me and caught up to me with her jaw on the ground. I can still picture her wide mouthed grin to this day. I was immature, I was low, I was snarky, but I was brave. I sure carpe diemed the shiz out of that one. The rest of the story was fun, it kind of spread just a little where an underclassman called me "savage" (a complimentary term, surprisingly) in my 6th period clay class. It was not and is not that big of a deal to anyone else involved, I am sure they two of them went of their merry way, drunk in love, and forgot about the whole ordeal, but I use that moment to tell myself that I can be brave, I can be passive aggressive and I always find everything out.

One time, I didn't carpe diem the shiz out of my day. One time I let a great, and possibly fantastic, opportunity slip out of my hands. This is the simple story of the boy meets girl, boy flirts with girl and makes her heart beat super fast, girl flirts back with boy and they become friends, but unlike the usual happily ever after fairy tale ending we are all to accustomed to, in this story, girl gets scared and finds excuses not to open herself up to said boy. So in the end, boy and girl move away and never speak again and girl is left wondering if boy ever wonders what could have happened with boy and girl. Have I lost you yet? Basically, jump at any chance you have at any kind of happiness, especially if that kind of happiness is wrapped up in a cute boy who makes your heart smile. Maybe if I would have opened myself up to a new relationship I would have been deliriously happy, or maybe I would have been burned. Who knows? All I know is that I am stuck here wishing that I would have seized the day, that I would have grasped the opportunity dangling in front of me and just took a giant leap of faith, because we can not let our past burns get in the way of our futures- we just can't let those crappy boys who ruined us ruin our chance at happiness.

Another moment in my life that I "carpe diemed" the day, when I decided to be less snarky and a little more smart, was when I decided to take a leap of faith and move to Malaysia to be a nanny. From the start I programmed myself that after graduation I would start at a great university in the fall, I would meet new and fabulous people and I would get a degree in business. Then I would carry onto be a fashion buyer where I would live in a realm of travel and sparkles and clothes, because up until halfway through my senior year that is what I wanted for my life. And then I hit this bump in the road, kind of like a midlife crisis but when I was 18, and I realized that I didn't want that life, I knew I could achieve it, I had no doubt, but after much prayer and thought I decided I could not decide on school, and it would come to me. And then this opportunity came, one where I would pack up my life into two 50 pound suitcases and a carry on to live 9,000 miles away, and be a nanny. And that moment that I decided to say yes, where I seized the day, I am grateful for that moment and this family every day of my life.

I hope that we all go to bed with the thinking that you carpe diemed the shiz out of the day, and the mindset that you will do it again tomorrow. I hope that we do not have to be a brat to exes in the hallway to feel good about ourselves, but sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. 

Keep doing you.

xoxo

Suck It Up

I was chatting with a friend over Facetime the other day and I was reminiscing in the good 'ol days. It went a little like this:

Me: "Carson, remember when life was so good? Like I had the cutest car, my little blue convertible bug, and I had a boyfriend and I was planning the senior grad nite trip to Disneyland?"

Carson: "Yeah, and remember when that went up into flames in like 3 days?"

This may sound harsh, but it's true. Within two weeks of time, less actually, my car broke down on the freeway on the way to work, my boyfriend and I ended things for real this time and also some little annoying kid somehow convinced the entire senior class that I single handedly kicked him off of the trip to make room for my ex-boyfriend, so you could say I went from 100 to 0 real fast. But here's the thing, I lived. I got a new car, I found a rebound, and I went to Disneyland and had a bomb time with my friends. It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy recovering from a breakup while starting at a new job where I would be at school from 7:30 am to 1:30 pm to rush across town to work the closing shift to come home at 10 pm to a plethora of hate messages from a crime I did not commit, it wasn't easy but I did it. That was a big trial to me. I was a struggling senior, broken hearted and stressed and on the verge of a breakdown, and I did. I broke down.

I put on a mask of happy emotions, I got my eyelashes done and I colored my hair and I looked fine. But inside I was breaking, inside I was loosing too many friends and possibly failing math. There was not a moment where I looked at my puffy face from crying- but never mascara streaked because thank you God for eyelash extensions- and I was all whole and healed, it didn't all happen at once. Slowly, these trials started to mend themselves. Slowly, I realized who my true friends are and I understood why some of my friends that I thought would be lifelong friends had to walk out of my life. I understood why some people can't be in your life at that moment and I had to be okay with that. Slowly, the senior class trip came and we went to Disneyland and I got a little bratty but we all made it there and back- although I had to watch my ex cuddle with his new girl during the whole ride on the trip that two friends and I single handedly put together, but still, I was there and I was trying and I was getting put back together. 

The whole time that my life was just so crappy, I was so frustrated because up to that moment where it all came crumbling down, life was good. I didn't, and to some point still don't, know why it all had to crash into explosive flames in front of me. Sometimes I sit here and wish that things could have just kept going how they were, where I was in a state of blind bliss. But today, at this moment at least, I am grateful that I am broken of that blind bliss. I am grateful that my oh so perfect life crumbled before me because if it had not, if it had not crumbled then, I wouldn't be as strong as I try to be today. I would not know my worth and what I can put up with and deal with- which is a lot more than I thought I ever could.

So sometimes life is really great, like you're in a dream state great, and sometimes life sucks, like you literally forget how to breathe sucks. But it always gets better, it has to, because we are not on this earth to constantly suffer. There is joy in every trial, because of that small trial a lifetime ago I bonded with my Heavenly Father, my family and friends that have impacted my life for a much greater cause than those who chose to walk out of my life.

So hold on, suck it up and stick it out because things are not going to suck for that much longer- and there is so much in this life to be happy about. And when those things stop sucking you will be able to laugh and learn at your trials with a best friend and prepare yourself for the next one.

xoxo

Indecisive

I am really indecisive, like crazy, exhausting and annoyingly indecisive. I cannot make a decision to save my life, kind of. The thing is, most of the time I really do have an opinion or I really do have my mind made up, I just am afraid to see how everyone around me will react. I do not want to step on any one's toes or make anyone uncomfortable, except when choosing where to eat because that is a time that I truly have no preference where to eat, I love all food- I am a lover of all food, so bring it on.

Girls know what they want. 

Girls want to be loved.

Girls want to love.

Girls want to feel pretty.

Girls want to be told they are pretty.

Girls want a cute boy to notice them.

But not knowing what that cute boy wants, how he is going to react, that is the scary part. That is where I think the indecisiveness comes from.

One time, I was crushing on this boy and after I hung out with him I immediately called Paige to gab about our hangout at in n out. Paige is a really good listener and really good at advice, she is basically who you call in any situation- she also is very good at phrasing texts, she basically is the reason why I got half the boys I did. Anyway, I was telling her how I was afraid to like this boy, how I was afraid he was playing with my emotions and that I really should not like him because it will end up in shooting flames and I would be devastated, see I was smart once. But inside, I knew that the possibility of it ending horribly wasn't going to stop me from going for the cute boy, because how do you tell yourself not to feel something you so strongly, purely and vividly do? You just do not. I could debate and make a pros and cons list all night with Paige, but all along I knew what I wanted: him.

Girls know what they want.

I haven't felt uncertain about a person, situation or relationship in a very long time, like back to my dark ages time, and the other day I did. I felt uncertain because I thought I wasn't quite sure what I wanted, and it was when I realized that I know what I want, I just wasn't sure what the other person wanted- and that makes me anxious, that makes me scared and that makes me uncertain. That was the most awful feeling, and I felt similar to how I did when I felt broken. 

So, girls, stop being uncertain. Stop questioning what you really want, what you really deserve and what you are really worth. Don't let the fear of a fireball finale hold you back from stating what you want. Be certain in what you need. It is okay to cause a reaction among your peers, it is okay to want something and to let yourself feel all of the emotions that come along with it, because if we didn't feel those annoying emotions, we wouldn't feel the good ones too. You have to know the lows to know the good stuff.

xoxo

"He Is Very Dreamy"

"He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are."

-Cristina Yang

Today I was calming down the temper tantrum of a very fiesty 8 year old and she seemed to calm down when I would start to tell a story. The story would end and she would again try to escape to run away and never come back! Ever! And then I started a long story, a long story where I let someone be the sun in my life, and I got burned. I love the look in her eyes when I told her about the butterflies I got, I crave the excitement I could see inside of her when I told her I remember what I wore when he kissed me for the first time, I feel the sadness of her face when I told her how my body was so sad and so broken for the first time.

There is no right way to have a relationship, no right way to get a boy to fall for you, and no right way to handle a break up. But if I could have one wish, I wish I would have told myself the words that Cristina told Meredith as she (I won't give the plot away too much).. as she went.. she said the words "He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are." I love that. That like totally feeds my wounded soul! But seriously, that is a reminder that every girl who falls for a boy with dreamy eyes needs. It feels great to be so wrapped up in like that you can't see straight, but always remember that it is okay to put yourself first. It is okay to do something because you want to, it is okay to ditch him for the night to have a girls night with friends, not only because when things get bad your friends will be the ones there for you, but because that is what you want to do. It is so easy to get caught up in someone who you let be your sun, but don't let your own sun fade out too much.

xoxo

We've All Been There: Boy Edition

Been there, done that.

I feel like crushing on or dating certain kind of guys is a rite of passage, like there are those types of guys that we just have all been there. I am not saying there is only a certain amount of types of guys, but I am sure that if you looked at your past "history" you could almost label your past loves as "the schmoozey guy," or "the bad boy," or "the perfectly perfect guy who wasn't the perfect guy," so I have put together a list of types of guys that I am sure we have all been there and done that.

The Guy That Will Be Different: "I know he has said that to her, but he means it this time," "he has this reputation, but he is being real with me," "it just feels so real that he has to be being real with me," I am not blaming or shaming any girl who has spoken these words, because these have all been spoken out of my lips, justifying the wrong guy to be the right guy. Okay so he is a player, but you are going to be the girl to change him! Okay he has a hard time committing but you are going to be the girl to make him commit! Okay so he has a reputation for breaking hearts, but you are going to be the girl to break his! I am going to let you in on a little secret that I have learned in my young 19 years: a boy will not change if he does not want to. The douche bag in your bio class is not going to be the Danny Zuko to your Sandy Olsson, he isn't going to automatically stop playing games with girls hearts because he has "found the one" when he is 18 and is in high school. Falling for The Guy That Will Be Different is a rite of passage, it teaches the girl who has fallen to not step below her worth, to rise above and to find the boy that treats her how she deserves, not one that she has to change so that she can finally get the Prince Charming she has been dreaming of.

The Perfectly Perfect Guy Who Wasn't The Perfect Guy: He is the nice guy, the kind of guy that wants to be a dentist and has plans to settle down with his beautiful wife and three kids, the kind of guy that wants to spend his weekends with the family and their golden retriever, the kind of guy that your great grandmother would be proud that you brought home. He does everything right, he opens doors for you and is super sweet and says nice things, but you find yourself falling for the idea of the Perfectly Perfect guy rather than the guy himself. Letting this guy down is hard, because he has not done anything wrong. How do you tell a Perfectly Person that the thing he is missing, is unexplainable and unable to put in words? But it is possible, and it must be done. This boy taught you how to break a heart, and that you still got a little bit of game left in you.

The Emotionally Unavailable Guy: Holy heck to hannah can we talk about anything hotter than a guy with issues, like you see a bad boy walking down the street with a grunt in his steps and you see the hurt and pain in his eyes and you want more than anything to fix him. You, again, want to be that girl to finally break this guy down and to let him learn to love. You might chip away at his hard exterior, but it never really goes away until he decides he wants it to go away, which only time can tell. The sucky thing about this guy is that because he is so emotionally unavailable you never have closure with him, you are always left with the lingering "what if," like "what if I could have been the girl to get to his heart?" Or "What if he still thinks about me?" Well, sorry to break it to ya girl, but he is long gone and moved on. He is onto the next girl, where she too needs to learn that she can't fix someone to love her, that she needs to find someone who is ready to love her the way she is ready to be loved.

The Rebound Guy: I love this guy! Big fan, big fan. My mom says "The best way to cure a broken heart is to find someone new," and wow I testify to that today, amen sista friend! Everyone has to be some body's rebound, that is just the way it is. Now, don't get too emotionally invested in the rebound, because while in the time frame of having a rebound you still miss your ex, you still kind of want him back and you still need a distraction from him. Basically your rebound is the distraction, the distraction from your bleeding and throbbing heart, and is honestly the quickest and most fool proof way to get over a guy, unless you get "the feels," then you should do as directed: take a step back and assess the situation, are you and said rebound hook up buddies or is there more emotion there, and is the emotion felt from missing your ex, or do you have real feelings? And are these feelings mutual? Because if not, step back before you get burned too quickly. Find a new way, I don't know that way but it has got to be out there. Let me know when you find it.

The Guy You Can't Have: He has a girlfriend, he comes with too much drama, he is your exes best friend, this guy, whoever and whatever he is, is like that McDonald's cup full of Diet Coke sitting on the counter, smiling at you, while you are on the first day of your "no soda," lifestyle (diet.) He is dreamy and flirty and messes with your wounded heart, but you can not have him. Every part of your senses is telling you no, but also screaming yes. Like cool down emotions, I can only take one at a time here. But it is all good, because this too shall pass, because either you get him or you don't. STORY TIME: One time, I totally fell for The Guy You Can't Have, like, under the circumstances it looked like a low blow of me, but I had indeed "caught the feels" and I acted on it in the best way I could, waiting for him to notice me until I moved 9,000 miles away and confessed my true and undying crush on him. It ended there, which is how most stories with The Guy You Can't Have go, stories over, time to go home, the end. The thing about The Guy You Can't Have is that he is named that for a reason, if you can't have him, there is a meaning, one that we can see now or that will be unfolded to us in the future. 

I really so much truly do hope that everyone in this world finds The Guy They Deserve, the guy who fills them up and the guy who makes everything jealous, bad and malicious in this world fade away. I don't really know that much about love, or anything, but I know that if we open our hearts, we will all be blessed with an undying love, maybe one greater than Danny and Sandy. Best wishes.

xoxo

The D Word

So here's the thing, I will and love to openly talk about heartbreak. I live to gab about the boys I've kissed, the boys that broke my heart and the boys who's hearts I've broken. I can carry on a conversation about my goals, the milestones I've overcome, the milestones I've seen my friends overcome. I can, and have, built friendships based on my simple love for the art of fashion. I can discuss the body image issues I've had, I can sympathize with the girls who have felt fat and have felt unworthy of a cute boy and who just do not like themselves. I can even talk about bras- sometimes. I openly spill my emotions on every subject, except for the big scary one. Divorce. The first time that I let myself talk and write about the Divorce was when I was writing a college essay, about 3 1/2 years after It happened, and I sat in the airport sobbing uncontrollably because that pain that I had worked so hard to bury deep beneath me was finally reappearing, and it hurt worse than anything I knew. If only I knew what heartbreak felt like then. ;-) That was a breaking point for me, when I finally really accepted my reality. That I am among the majority of our country, living among the broken homes.

I think the word "broken" when describing my family is a part of what stabbed me so hard. I wasn't broken because my mom and dad no longer lived together anymore. I was still loved, I still saw my dad every week and he never disappeared. I was still fed and clothed and I made it to school, almost, everyday. 

But today I was talking to the cutest and sassiest 4 year old imaginable about my family. I explained how I have 2 brothers that are my own, and then on one side I have 2 step sisters and one step brother, then on the other side I have 3 step sisters and 3 step brothers. I have two moms and two dads. I have like quadruple the grandparents. It is kind of a hard concept for a 4 year old to grasp, I thought, until she said "you are so lucky you have so many people in your family," and I remembered what I wrote in my journal the summer my dad got married. "I just have more people in my life to love," and I am not saying by any means from that point on that I was the perfect step daughter or step sister, I am sure my family can vouch for me ;-), but I think at that point I truly realized to love what is in front of me. To soak in the trials I am faced with, and become a better person. Sometimes the only happiness we have in our lives is the happiness what we create out of our heartbreaking, devastating and just crappy situations. 

But as I think of this concept, that I may have a "broken" family, that I simply have more people I get to love, I think of the phrase "come what may and love it," that phrase just speaks to my soul! I mean that phrase gets me all hallelujah-ing and swaying to the truth it speaks, because I think if there is one phrase I will remember until the day I die, is to let "come what may and love it." Because when the world in front of you is crumbling, when all you know is lost, when your parents divorce or you boyfriend breaks up with you, you have one reality in front of you. You can't hangout at a friend's house where the family is happily together or third wheel on your friends relationship for forever, at some point reality becomes reality and you have to accept it. But just because reality can suck, doesn't mean that you have to have the life sucked out of you too.

This phrase is a tricky one, because when what comes comes, and it does- trust me- it comes hard. There have been few times in my life where I have felt it come down on me, but when it does it kind of feels like there is an earthquake inside of my little world and also a plague is going through the world and also all dogs on the planet are dead, that is pretty much what it feels like. And if I could take my own advice daily, of finding the joy in the hardest and most bitter parts of life, I would be a lot better off. But for some reason, because I have finally come to terms with my reality, that yeah I have a family that grew about 5 times in size within 5 years, I feel like I need to let the universe know that I am okay with talking about "the D word."

xoxo

Good Friend vs. Best Friend

Me: I am running out of fuel, I do not have any more good and fiery blog posts anymore

Carson: The difference between a good friend and a best friend

So when I am on Ellen for my sassy blog, I have a few people to thank. The boy who inspired my infamous first blog post "oops," my utter distaste for army pants, Taylor Swift lyrics, boys who have done my friends and I wrong, and, Carson. 

Friends are like a 7 layer cake. Like the human body comes in different "shapes and sizes," friends do too. Friends are there with a Diet Coke when boys aren't, friends are there to go prom dress shopping with you and friends are there, sometimes, even when you don't want them there. And those are the most important kind, a good friend can sense when something is off and she won't push it, but she is always there.

A good friend likes to get lunch and catch up.

A best friend walks in your room with Ben & Jerrys to talk about everything on end until the wee hours of the morning, where you are both laughing so hard that you are pretty sure chocolate flavored tears are coming out of your eyes from the insane amount of icecream consumed.

A good friend tells you the boy is bad for you.

A best friend tells you the boy is bad for you, then tells you that if he makes you happy then that's how she wants to see you, then holds your hand-witholding "I told you so"- when your best friend was right all along.

A good friend casually implies that dress is a bit short and maybe you should go up a size.

A best friend tells you to flaunt it if you got it, and demands you go down a size to show off your legs.

A good friend tweets "lunch date," with a picture of you looking down at your apple walnut salad.

A best friend snapchats ugly pictures of you to her story, usually you are in pjs or half swimsuit half sweats, it depends on the day.

A good friend keeps you from talking to the boy who broke your heart.

A best friend flips the boy off who broke your heart while pulling up next to him at a stoplight.

A good friend likes to gossip with you about other girls in your friend group.

A best friend spills everything to you about everyone, good and bad.

A good friend will listen to your boy stories with fake interest, trying to pay attention, but sometimes it is hard so she will fade away in the conversation.

A best friend will listen to your analysis of a relationship over and over, with a new take and outlook everytime you guys reach the subject.

A good friend tries to be a good friend by helping her friend do what she does, be the kind of person she is.

A best friend accepts that their best friend has different outlooks on life than she does, but still accepts her all the same.

As Shay said "I don't know how I got to have such good friends as you guys, but now you're stuck with me." I love that. I love friends that I am stuck with, I love friends that will call me out on my crap but also know how much I can handle. I love friends. Friends are important.

xoxo

"Tide To-Go Pens Don't Work On Boyfriends"

Every English teacher that I have encountered has banned the word "things" from the writing of their students. But here's the issue- sometimes I don't know how to put my thoughts into words, I put my thoughts in sounds or tears or icecream, but sometimes coming up with the right word is just hard, and since I am not being graded on my posts I will use "thing" and "stuff" and "your" all I want. 

There are some things that I wish were real things. I wish white out could be used in conversations, I wish I could wipe a tide to go pen over memories and I wish there was a refund or insurance policy on feelings. Yes, I know, we all (insert caring and sympathetic therapist tone of voice) learn from our mistakes and that shapes us into better human beings. And I know that and I fully believe that, but sometimes I get a little rerun of an old feeling and I can't focus- like my vision gets blurred and my speech is confusing and I just wish it would go away. So I am calling a momentary bluff on "we learn from our mistakes."

I wish that when I am talking to a cute boy and I deeply embarrass myself, like pausing because my brain literally freezes because the human in front of me is sent straight from God and I do not think I will ever encounter such a beautiful human being in my life, that I could whip out a can of white out from my back pocket and just cover up that moment. Like whoops, I embarrassed myself yet again can we just scratch that out. Like can we please pretend that I did not just say something too personal or too deep or too feelingy or too clingy, let's just mask it in a thick coat of white out and call it good, pretty please? 

I wish that I could get a refund or insurance policy on feelings. Like before I start to fall for a guy, can I somehow purchase a package that states "incase he turns out to be a total jerk, which a large percentage of guys are, you may feel no remorse when you wake up the day after he breaks your heart, you will not feel the embarrassment of a breakup, you will not miss him because you are smart and you purchased insurance." Like yes, I would please like to return all memories and kisses from this boy, and I am not liable for any damage caused to my broken self. I would invest some big bucks in a little package that would ensure that in the case of a fatal like heart break, that I will be able to build myself up enough in time to not feel the physical toll that a broken heart has on my body. It is like a little cushion. So many nights that I have spent with an aching heart I wished with all of my might that it would go away, that I could pay a price or sign a slip and all of my past feelings and emotions would wipe away. Some call this drugs, I call it icecream and diet coke, but icecream and diet coke starts to take a toll on your body.

Ok so major confession- I have a secret Pinterest board of Taylor Swift quotes that I look at when it is just one of "thoooose" days. I don't know why or how, but Taylor Swift just GETS IT. I mean, she would be a great counselor I feel like because she has expirienced it all. Her quotes seem to describe how too well she knows the "aching of your body crumbling over after a heartbreak" feeling, she knows the "kick-a** mood of I am going to break him" feeling, she knows the "crazy ex-girlfriend" feeling, she knows the "I don't want him anymore but he is still on my mind" feeling- like she knows it all. And that is comforting- especially to see one's feelings in writing. So on one of my binge nights of Taylor Swift quotes I saw this quote  "Tide to-go pens don't work on boyfriends," and ok maybe it is because I am very exhausted or my mind just is not the sharpest tool in the tool box, but it took me a minute to get it. And then I did, and then a light went off and my laptop screen lit up and here we are. Wouldn't that be rad if after a breakup or heartbreak or ending of a "thing" one could go to Target and grab a "tide to-go" pen and just wipe it all over their shattered heart? And I know and believe that trials make you stronger and all of that good stuff, but honestly, we all have been there and it hurts. And sometimes I could really use a tide to-go pen.

So, let's put science to a greater use and create some packages to ensure the sting of a heartbreak is not too heavy to handle.

xoxo

I Run

I'm a runner. Mentally and (sort of) physically. When things get hard, I run. When my parents told me they were getting divorced, I ran across the neighborhood. When a boy tried to break my heart, I went for a run until I absolutely could not breathe. When I couldn't make a decision and I felt like the world was crashing down on me, I ran away- 9,000 miles away. So I run, aka I hide from my problems. I shove everything under the mat as far as it can go. I make sure that any confrontation or issue is hid far from any eyes. If I am upset or hurt or grieving, I don't want people to see. I vividly remember one day being just so distraught in class, the mat could not longer contain my feelings, and it felt as though everyone caught on. I hated it. I hate how someone can look at my facial expression and see that I am breaking inside, it just sucks. I would have ran from the millions of "what's wrong," "why are you sad" and awfully pressuring questions, but I was out of absences and I really needed to graduate. 

When things would bug me or get under my skin I would not let it bug me and make sure the person provoking me was comfortable. No confrontation=comfort, right? :-( wrong. Sorry Kenz, you can only be walked all over for so long. It's not okay or normal to let other people's feelings and emotions over bear your well being. This is not selfish, it took me a long time to realize this. Yes, being compassionate and emphathizing with one another is important and necessary, and hard to not do, but it is taking me a long while to realize this. To realize that it is okay to let someone know when they're bugging the crap out of you. Tell your boyfriend when he's pissing you off, tell your best friend when she's being irrational, tell yourself it is okay to feel what you are feeling when you are feeling it. We feel things for a reason, we don't get bugged at a situation for the heck of it, it's not like our brain says "hey he is treating me super crappy and I'm gonna get bugged by it and not say anything just for kicks and giggles! Wahoo!" Feelings, like a cute boy, should never go unrecognized. 

This is to all of the shover underneath the ruggers, to the anti confrontationalists, to the people pleasers, to the runners- do what makes you happy. Always uplift one another along the way, but remember what you're feeling. Listen to feelings, they're important. 

Xoxo

Alma 5:27

Nineteen

Creepy

Old

Fergalicious

Crazy

Tough

Lipstick

Baby

Eeeek

Cry

Gross

Cool

Red

Decisions

Commitment

Dance

Laugh

Cringe

Change

Yuck

When I think of 19 those are the words that come to my head. I associate odd things, like to me the time "4am" is like raw meat. I don't know, I am weird and I don't know how to stop being weird. Sometimes I still worry that my mom actually did pay all of the boys who asked me to dances to ask me, but it's okay because I went- so what. 

I have mentioned this before, but the number 19 is so cool to me. Like when I meet people who are 19 they always have beautiful long hair, black nail polish, a smokin' bod and also a boyfriend who rides a motorcycle without a helmet- dreamy. But the other night I was laying in bed and realization struck me that this is my last year as a teen. It is my last year where I can eat ice cream as a meal, my last year where I can really talk about high school, my last year of my youth. I mean it kind of is all downhill from here. Once I hit 20 I feel like the words are "mortgage, kids, decisions, broccoli, grump." I know that is not true, and that life really goes uphill- I am hoping and assuming so, because so many people make it past 19- but the thought of no longer being a teen makes me want to eat my hair. Maybe that will get rid of all of my split ends. Here are 19 things that I will miss about being a teen:

19. Ordering off of the kids menu

18. A teenager metabolism

17. Not being officially moved out

16. Still on my parents insurance

15. My mom schedules my dentist appointments for me

14. Sitting at the kids table at family functions (the kids table has a bad rep, but hey, I can sit at the kids table and eat all of the white bread rolls with butter I want without the disapproving eyes of a grown up)

13. My hardest decisions of the day include what should I eat for lunch and how do I trick Harleigh into letting me braid her hair?

12. I can still have "crushes" on "boys" instead of doing the adult thing and talking to them like a normal human being

11. Eating 4 pieces of pizza and not feeling sick

10. Eating 4 pieces of pizza and then being able to go on a run

9. I can still drag my parents along with me to do "grown up" things, like signing up for school or an apartment

8. Long hair

7. Still having an optimistic outlook on life

6. Colorful nail polish

5. Having time to "do lunch" with friends, like 5 times a day

4. No grown up jobs, kind of

3. Short skirts

2. Bad heels that kill your feet, but I still have the stamina to endure

1. I don't really have to go to singles ward yet

Dear 19 years old, I promise to be brave, I promise to let new challenges scare me but I promise to tackle them, I promise to love the things I love and learn to love the things I hate, I promise I will try to dress better and eat better and speak kinder words, I promise to not be married while I am 19. 19, please be good to me.

xoxo

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

Straight from Twitter drafts though:

-My favorite thing about living in Malaysia is not running into people I know

-Seriously craving Red Robin French fry powder stuff ugh

-Being wanted is a good feeling though

-Sometimes it's the thought of a happy future that keeps you going

-Today I was holding a baby and got baby hungry and then the little thing started crying and I became puppy hungry instead

-"I think I cease to exist"

-I hope your ex dates all of your best friends

-It's you, it's always been you

-I love cheesy couple selfies I think they're CUTE sue me I don't care, bite me hate me whatever

-That point where you're so tired you fall asleep in the shower

-"We are impulsive and compulsive"

-Today I am grateful I am not the same person I was a year ago

-Question of the day: Why do guys think being a d bag makes them more attractive???

-I'm a solid four- in looks, size and personality

"And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait," I don't think I have ever laughed louder out loud in a public setting because of a book

-"Time passed, and pain turned to memory"

-I'm weird and I don't know how to stop being weird so sometimes you just gotta embrace it

-Firm believer in love the lovers, play the players

-Getting stuck in the elevator daily needs to stop being a thing

-When the thought makes you sick

-There's never a problem pizza can't solve

xoxo