I am that kind of person that needs a reminder. I need to set alarms in my phone to remind me to stop my Spotify Premium membership (which I still have not done gosh darn) and I need constant reminders from friends and family that everything works it's own way out in the end. Basically, I am needy. I am the type of person to retreat from conflict, to firmly think what I want and need, but never voice it. There have been times where I crawl into bed and replay my day and think "holy sh!t I carpe diemed the CRAP out of this day," and sleep with a sound mind that I grasped every opportunity and advantage I was given. Other times I have replayed the events of my day and I think "oh I could have brightened her day by lending a kind word," or "I should have attempted to flirt back with him," but you loose some you win some, right? Here are a few situations where I have carpe diemed the shiz out of that day.
I refer to this moment a lot, because I think it definitely is a moment that contributes to the box of "McKenzie's memories that shaped her into the outstanding human being she is today," although my mom said it was bratty and kind of lame of me. Oh well. So sometime in my past I had this boyfriend who I was quite fond of, we (he) decided to break things off because of personal reasons (he was starting his mission papers and could not have a girlfriend) so, respecting that decision- with much aide and support from friends and family, with Mom in bold print, I accepted it and we went our separate ways, kind of. See, going separate ways is hard when you live in Gilbert, Arizona, but whatever. Then, a few weeks after this devastating parting he decided it was okay to have a girlfriend, I know what you are thinking. What the heck! I am shocked! I am so confused! He clearly told me he could not have a girlfriend, yet he has one?! This, alongside a few other rumors heard throughout the grapevine, was the last straw. This moment happened right after the two minute warning bell for third period struck, and I was also struck with courage. I walked right out of my little circle of friends, as everyone was scrambling to make it to their class because at that point in the school year tardies were scarce, for no one wanted to accumulate yet another one, risking loosing credit for the class. I, in my good butt jeans and favorite sandals that remind me of my favorite blogger @sincerleyjules, walked right up to my ex boyfriend and his new girl and faced them, heart racing nonetheless, and said with a sincere (very sarcastic) tone, "aw what a cute couple," and walked away. Shay stood right behind me and caught up to me with her jaw on the ground. I can still picture her wide mouthed grin to this day. I was immature, I was low, I was snarky, but I was brave. I sure carpe diemed the shiz out of that one. The rest of the story was fun, it kind of spread just a little where an underclassman called me "savage" (a complimentary term, surprisingly) in my 6th period clay class. It was not and is not that big of a deal to anyone else involved, I am sure they two of them went of their merry way, drunk in love, and forgot about the whole ordeal, but I use that moment to tell myself that I can be brave, I can be passive aggressive and I always find everything out.
One time, I didn't carpe diem the shiz out of my day. One time I let a great, and possibly fantastic, opportunity slip out of my hands. This is the simple story of the boy meets girl, boy flirts with girl and makes her heart beat super fast, girl flirts back with boy and they become friends, but unlike the usual happily ever after fairy tale ending we are all to accustomed to, in this story, girl gets scared and finds excuses not to open herself up to said boy. So in the end, boy and girl move away and never speak again and girl is left wondering if boy ever wonders what could have happened with boy and girl. Have I lost you yet? Basically, jump at any chance you have at any kind of happiness, especially if that kind of happiness is wrapped up in a cute boy who makes your heart smile. Maybe if I would have opened myself up to a new relationship I would have been deliriously happy, or maybe I would have been burned. Who knows? All I know is that I am stuck here wishing that I would have seized the day, that I would have grasped the opportunity dangling in front of me and just took a giant leap of faith, because we can not let our past burns get in the way of our futures- we just can't let those crappy boys who ruined us ruin our chance at happiness.
Another moment in my life that I "carpe diemed" the day, when I decided to be less snarky and a little more smart, was when I decided to take a leap of faith and move to Malaysia to be a nanny. From the start I programmed myself that after graduation I would start at a great university in the fall, I would meet new and fabulous people and I would get a degree in business. Then I would carry onto be a fashion buyer where I would live in a realm of travel and sparkles and clothes, because up until halfway through my senior year that is what I wanted for my life. And then I hit this bump in the road, kind of like a midlife crisis but when I was 18, and I realized that I didn't want that life, I knew I could achieve it, I had no doubt, but after much prayer and thought I decided I could not decide on school, and it would come to me. And then this opportunity came, one where I would pack up my life into two 50 pound suitcases and a carry on to live 9,000 miles away, and be a nanny. And that moment that I decided to say yes, where I seized the day, I am grateful for that moment and this family every day of my life.
I hope that we all go to bed with the thinking that you carpe diemed the shiz out of the day, and the mindset that you will do it again tomorrow. I hope that we do not have to be a brat to exes in the hallway to feel good about ourselves, but sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do.
Keep doing you.
xoxo
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