Suck It Up

I was chatting with a friend over Facetime the other day and I was reminiscing in the good 'ol days. It went a little like this:

Me: "Carson, remember when life was so good? Like I had the cutest car, my little blue convertible bug, and I had a boyfriend and I was planning the senior grad nite trip to Disneyland?"

Carson: "Yeah, and remember when that went up into flames in like 3 days?"

This may sound harsh, but it's true. Within two weeks of time, less actually, my car broke down on the freeway on the way to work, my boyfriend and I ended things for real this time and also some little annoying kid somehow convinced the entire senior class that I single handedly kicked him off of the trip to make room for my ex-boyfriend, so you could say I went from 100 to 0 real fast. But here's the thing, I lived. I got a new car, I found a rebound, and I went to Disneyland and had a bomb time with my friends. It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy recovering from a breakup while starting at a new job where I would be at school from 7:30 am to 1:30 pm to rush across town to work the closing shift to come home at 10 pm to a plethora of hate messages from a crime I did not commit, it wasn't easy but I did it. That was a big trial to me. I was a struggling senior, broken hearted and stressed and on the verge of a breakdown, and I did. I broke down.

I put on a mask of happy emotions, I got my eyelashes done and I colored my hair and I looked fine. But inside I was breaking, inside I was loosing too many friends and possibly failing math. There was not a moment where I looked at my puffy face from crying- but never mascara streaked because thank you God for eyelash extensions- and I was all whole and healed, it didn't all happen at once. Slowly, these trials started to mend themselves. Slowly, I realized who my true friends are and I understood why some of my friends that I thought would be lifelong friends had to walk out of my life. I understood why some people can't be in your life at that moment and I had to be okay with that. Slowly, the senior class trip came and we went to Disneyland and I got a little bratty but we all made it there and back- although I had to watch my ex cuddle with his new girl during the whole ride on the trip that two friends and I single handedly put together, but still, I was there and I was trying and I was getting put back together. 

The whole time that my life was just so crappy, I was so frustrated because up to that moment where it all came crumbling down, life was good. I didn't, and to some point still don't, know why it all had to crash into explosive flames in front of me. Sometimes I sit here and wish that things could have just kept going how they were, where I was in a state of blind bliss. But today, at this moment at least, I am grateful that I am broken of that blind bliss. I am grateful that my oh so perfect life crumbled before me because if it had not, if it had not crumbled then, I wouldn't be as strong as I try to be today. I would not know my worth and what I can put up with and deal with- which is a lot more than I thought I ever could.

So sometimes life is really great, like you're in a dream state great, and sometimes life sucks, like you literally forget how to breathe sucks. But it always gets better, it has to, because we are not on this earth to constantly suffer. There is joy in every trial, because of that small trial a lifetime ago I bonded with my Heavenly Father, my family and friends that have impacted my life for a much greater cause than those who chose to walk out of my life.

So hold on, suck it up and stick it out because things are not going to suck for that much longer- and there is so much in this life to be happy about. And when those things stop sucking you will be able to laugh and learn at your trials with a best friend and prepare yourself for the next one.

xoxo