Do I Deserve This?

I see a lot of couples. And by a lot I mean an incredibly large number. I am constantly surrounded by happy young love hand in hand, or a middle aged couple bickering but laughing, and sometimes I see an old couple with a young love. It's really cute but also really annoying when you're sadly single. But it's life, it happens, I move on. 

When I see a couple I like to "dissect" their body language when they are around me, whether I see one in the grocery store or I see them sitting next to eachother in church or they walk into my store when I'm working, I am so interested at how couples interact. I like to see the reaction of women when their partner seems annoyed by being in the store, or when he encourages her to take her time because they are in no rush. Some call it stalking, I call it people watching. 

Does he encourage her? Does she encourage him? Do his words make her light up? When she speaks does he listen with intent? Does he watch her when she's not watching? Does she watch him do suddel things like grab her back or touch her arm?

I like to witness little things that couples do because I like to analyze my own relationships. Over time I have seen girls that I think are far more worth than what they are dating, date crappy boys. And I have also seen guys that I think could make a girl extremely happy, be in relationships where the girl doesn't seem to appreciate him. Now I know I'm judging at a first glance and a few seconds of "people watching" but what I'm getting at is that girls need to know their worth.

Girls, we are 10 cows kind of women! We deserve a guy who is willing to give 10 cows for us! We deserve a guy who will hold our hand because he likes the touch of our fingers, a boy who will open and close your door for you, someone who makes you laugh when tears will not stop falling from your face for no reason at all. It makes me so sad when I see friends or girls passing by who are putting forth their effort, who deserve 10 cows, and are only wasting their time with boys who maybe have 10 cows to give but they choose to give 6 one day and take 2 back the next. 

My wish is that we, as girls, find a man who one day when we are old and wrinkly will take us on a trip to California because it makes us happy, a man who will listen to all of your stories throughout the day and a man that we find ourselves getting excited to tell people about. I have found that when I like a boy and I want to hide him from my friends or my mom- he's usually a crappy boy. Don't ever be afraid to tell anyone that you are so head over heels for this boy who keeps you up all night because you're replaying your first kiss. Because that's the kind of love we deserve. 

Xoxo

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-I drink too much juice but it's less calories than chickfila

-when are Jesus sandals and socks going to stop being a thing

-working in a swimsuit store when it's cold out is very exciting

-the worst part about a breakup is not having anyone to finish your food anymore #wasteful #goestowasteortomywaist

-I need a juice

-why am I sore from yoga a week ago

-I love seeing happy couples holding hands, love it !!!!!!

-another 19 year old girl from Gilbert get engaged, I dare you, make me feel more single than ever please

-f u Taylor swift for not being on Spotify 

-wait Taylor love me

-I really do care about your issues with your in laws and debating if you should get a spray tan or not before your big day, please tell me more

-why am I wearing a Juicy Couture shirt

-I've never seen more babies, maxi skirts, or couples than on the BYU campus

-one day at a time

Xoxo

Mood Monday

MOOD MONDAY

FOOD: Caesar salad from Sauce

SONG: "Best Thing I Never Had" -Beyoncé

SHOES: Sam Edelman 'Reyes' in Rust Red

BOOK: Harry Potter book 5

TV CHARACTER: Kimmy Schmidt in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

DRINK: Jetty Punch from Tropical Smoothie

MOVIE: Brave

QUOTE: "Humble, with just a hint of Kanye."

Xoxo
Kenzie

It's Hard To Be A Girl

Here's the deal, it is hard to be a girl. I am not saying it is not hard to be a boy, but I am saying it is hard to be a girl. I believe that if we took away all of the pressure laid on from social media and  took away the power of physical looks we, as girls, would still constantly feel jealous and the need to rise above one another. Basically rise to the top, pushing whoever down, as long as you get your sparkling crown at the top. But for real, it is hard to be a person, and it is even harder to be a person who is trying to figure out how to do grown up things and look and feel grown up, when you have the natural tendencies, like tears, jealously and regret always panging inside of you- so to speak.

But something that has occured multiple times to me in the past couple of days, is the fact that girls want what they cannot have. The boy, curly hair, straight hair, long legs, shorter legs, like I am pretty sure that if you put together the ideal image of your perfect girl, she would still want the exact opposite of what she has. That is just how it is.

I was listening in on conversation, evesdropping while ringing a customer up, and a proud mother was telling another coworker about all of the accomplishments her daughter standing next to her has made while in her college career. Now the mother did enough bragging so I will refrain from listing all of them, but they were extrememly impressive and very old person grown up accomplishments of her daughter to have completed at such a young age. As the coworker left to help someone else, I heard the daughter whisper to her mother "she always had the best clothes," and the mother whispered back "yeah but you get to meet Hunter Hayes," which, is pretty cool, but the daughter responded with a sigh.

Here's the deal: no matter how cool your life is, like getting to have some one on one time with Hunter Hayes, girls are constantly going to feel jealous of one another. It sucks. Or maybe I am the only one who feels this way, but I have a feeling I am not.

When I was little, okay so like 16, I longed for blonde hair. Like I just wanted to be one of those girls who looks good with blonde hair and call it a day, like to me if you were a girl with blonde hair you really were all that and a bag of chips- and to me, that is how boys perceived it too. But the issue is I am half Chinese, and the only blonde asian I have seen pull off blonde hair is that Urban Outfitters model, and she rocks it, but I just know that blonde hair would not look good on me. Some stuff is just how it is, but just because I do not have blonde hair does not mean that my brown hair isn't pretty, it doesn't mean that boys cannot be attracted to me. Just because the girl sitting in front of you is 3 sizes smaller than you doesn't mean you will never feel pretty, or just because your hair curls differently than your roommates doesn't mean that you can't love your hair just as much as she does. The truth is that the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side," is so horribly true. 

But just because the girl with the mile long legs and hair down to her waist is walking past you and seeing her walk past in her mini skirt makes you regret all late night Ben & Jerry decisions, does not by any means make you less beautiful, or cute, or funny. Just because that one boy, or the last seven it seems sometimes, does not see your worth and your wit and the power of what you bring into a relationship does not make you unwanted by the male species, it just means that life is waiting to give you what you can handle when you can handle it.

So just be patient, don't be jealous, and be happy for girls that look pretty, because maybe they have an awful personality.

xoxo

Crappy Chaos

I'm back b!tches.
I've been waiting to write this post for a while. A year ago this month I started this blog. A year ago I wrote one of my favorite posts "oops" and attracted the attention, ridicule, and sympathy of some members of my large high school. A year ago I was heartbroken, I literally felt my body tearing apart at the seams. It's amazing the uncontrollable power that a boy can have over a lovesick girl, but what's even more amazing is the power of The Atonement to comfort my lovesick self.

Today, a year later, I'm better. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss my old life, but I'm better. 

So because I'm a Pinterest whore, I came across this image and it struck greatness inside of me:

Because sometimes, although I'm better, my life is chaos. Everyone's life, at some point on this Earth, is in chaos. It is inevitable, but chaos is what makes the world go round babes. To me, chaos is magic. 

When my life is mid crisis, my account is overdrawn and my mascara is running down my face because of a boy and I miss my dog with every fiber of my being, sometimes all I can do is laugh. As humans, that is all that we can do sometimes. When life just sucks, and it feels like the end, we just have to embrace the crappy days just as much as the wonderful ones because the crappy days are where we learn the most. And most of the time, the learning process sucks. It just does- but we learn from life's crappy chaos and we make beautiful moments that constantly overcome and overpower the hurt and embarrassment we are feeling. 

If I had one piece of advice I could give to heart broken, long haired and stressed out year ago Kenzie, it would be to make peace out of the chaos I was experiencing. And also maybe don't post such bratty posts because those hurt feelings, or don't wash your hair as much, but mostly the chaos thing- because I believe that if I took a day to laugh at all of the situations that had turned south in my life I would have learned the lessons I needed to learn a lot faster and I would have been able to recover with a lot more grace. 

A bad day, hour, friend or boy doesn't taint you as undesirable, broken or miserable- it just means that there is more learning to be done in the midst of all the crappy junk floating around. 

I, Kenzie, solemnly vow to keep this blog up. If only for the sake of me, I vow it. 

Xoxo