Questions That Haunt Me

-why are heart sunglasses still a thing
-why do all boys have naturally long eyelashes, not fair and not useful to them

-why are you still a thing

-how is texting first considered a weakness

-I have worked out religiously for a week why do I not have Kendall Jenner's body

-why are camo pants still a thing
-where do broken hearts go? ;-) *Name that song

-why are bubble necklaces still a thing
-why does Netflix take forever to load

-why bad extensions still a thing

-why is not being able to trust a boy still a thing

-why are plaid shirts tied around dresses still a thing

-why do I still care

-can you get much worse of a person?!

-how is it that I am half a world away and you still continue to make my blood boil
-WHY IS CELLULITE A THING

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-If I had a dollar for everytime I wanted to tweet "ur annoying" I would have a lot of dollars to look at

-missing someone is like insecurity and sadness and rejection all mixed in one, stamped with a big frowny face

-When u order a chat book but forget to delete pics of u and ur ex so it comes in and u get a fun surprise :-)

-I LOVE MORMON MOMS WHO OVERUSE EMOJIS

-To this day I am grateful I was able to wear heels to my proms

-So the thing is that I don't care but it still pisses me off but I don't care still

-My fav compliment is "you look happy" because one time someone told me I didn't look happy and I took it very seriously

-The right girl always likes the wrong boy

-I feel your soul forgetting about mine

-Do you ever look at someone and you're like whyyy did you do your hair like that???

-I am happy about being happy

-Do tears ever sprout in your eyes because you have seen the most beautiful pair of shoes because SAME

-You know that feeling where everything just hurts

-PUPPY HUNGRY

-I'm saying a biggg oui to you and me

-Are you ever about to do something risky then you decide not to and you feel a moment of peace because same

-I still have nightmares that Disney Grad Nite doesn't work out

-Kisses are killer

-Trying to find the good in goodbye still

-I already feel people forgetting about me, I can't imagine what missionaries feel like wowza

-No one wants a basketball shorts kind of boy :-/

-Highschool was fun because you could subtweet your crush and then he would text you then you would hangout and kiss but now you have to do things the real way, or your crush is on a mission or you're in Malaysia so

How To Cope With Being Single

So pretty much I feel like it is boyfriend season and I am the only one not invited to the holiday block party. Yes I am super happy for my friends who have a special someone because they are awesome and deserve it and all of that good stuff, but imma just say I am HELLA GLAD I am on the other side of the world because if I was home, while all of my besties have boyfriends, I might go a little stir crazy. So I have put together a fun little list of some tips to help those who spend their weekend nights alone, their wallpapers are not a cute selfie of them and a boy, and the closest thing they get to romance is watching "Dirty Dancing" on replay. If you are Seriously Single, then stay tuned.

TIP NUMBER ONE: Invest in Netflix, and find your show. You might be continuously bailed on for several weekend nights in a row, so it is time to find a show that you can get your social fix from. Trust me, it very well is possible to have a good Friday night by staying in with a smoothie and binge watching Greys Anatomy.

TIP NUMBER TWO: Be ready for cute boyfriend stories. If you are ever lucky enough to find someone who doesn't just want to hookup, someone who wants to want you and someone that you want to want, you are going to want someone to spill all of the cutesy and cheesy details too- so listen when your friend wants to gush about the flowers her boyfriend he got her and she will want to talk about how he texts her goodmorning, so be a good friend and think it is cute, because it is.

TIP NUMBER THREE: Maybe get a boyfriend so you aren't the seriously single friend.

TIP NUMBER FOUR: Be ready for moodswings about your besties beau, because you will have to love how nice and sweet and cute he is to your person one day, but be ready to chop off his head when he does something stupid the next. And then the next day you will listen to more stories about how he is so cute and good to her, just go along with it because one day you will be that girl complaining and gushing about your boyfriend- I promise you, and I promise that you will want a best friend to listen and agree with you. And never say "I told you so."

TIP NUMBER FIVE: Understand that you will no longer be your best friends best friend on snapchat, sad :-(

TIP NUMBER SIX: This is important, when you are lonely and sad and feel like eating three pints of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey, ONLY EAT ONE. Or none, but probably only one because when you are done you will only still feel sad about being single, but also feel gross because your tummy is filled with fat that will go straight to your legs.

TIP NUMBER SEVEN: Learn how to do things alone. Not only is it good to be independent before jumping into a relationship, but when you have a best friend it seems you two do everything together. Best friends share toothpaste, clothes and stories, and now your best friend's best friend will be her boyfriend, so learn to be independent. Learn to shop at Target alone, learn to go get takeout for one, but don't forget how to do it for two- incase she ever needs a break from her boy ;-)

TIP NUMBER EIGHT: Don't get mad at your bestie for spending all of her time with her boyfriend, as much as you want to be her number one, when you're in the start of a relationship that boy is everything to you, he lights up the sky and makes you feel a happiness you didn't think was possible. Anyone who truly cares for their best friend will want this for their bestie- because a part of being a golden good friend is wanting their happiness too. She will come around and learn how to manage her time, but be patient, because when you have a boyfriend you might spend a bit too much time with your boyfriend too.

TIP NUMBER NINE: DONT TALK CRAP ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS BOYFRIEND TO THEM OR ANYONE ELSE!!!! Yes being single sucks, but want to know what makes it more sucky, having an angry best friend on top of being single, DOUBLE WHAMMY. If you don't like them together, unless he's physically harming her or cheating on her or just seriously doing her wrong, then step in. Let her make her own mistakes, be her own person. Yes it sucks to foreshadow the downfall of a relationship but it is her heart and her decision, she knows how much heartbreak she can handle. 

TIP NUMBER TEN: Fill your new empty space with LOTS OF CUTE BOYS. I am not suggesting one should drop their best friend, but when she is out with her boyfriend maybe take that time to get to know that cute boy across the street. ;-)

Just some thoughts. 

xoxo

RIP LASHES

Today is a sad day, a year and a half ago I entered the greatest journey of my teenage years. I got eyelash extensions. I felt pretty, unstoppable, and just so darn confident with those suckers on. Today my last set of lashes was getting pretty sparse, so today I ripped them all off. RIP. Some thoughts going through my head:

-I haven't felt this ugly since I accidentally thought army jeans were cute and I put a pair on

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-Goodbye cute selfies

-Why would anyone not have eyelash extensions

-I WANNA FEEL PRETTY

-There's no one to impress in Malaysia anyway

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-I am going to shoot the eyelash growth serum in me like a heroine addict

-I am going to cry

-I am crying

-I have to worry about mascara running when I cry now

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-I really resemble a man

-I am texting my eyelash lady and setting an appointment for the day I get back into the states

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

Do and Do Not Do of Senior Year

The words "senior year" have a tender effect on my heart. It's nostalgia and happiness and sad and change and tears all mixed in weird feeling inside my heart. If there is one word to describe senior year, for me it is "change." Friends change, plans change, wants and needs as a student, friend and human change. At least for me they did, rapidly. I haven't gathered too much wisdom after being graduated for maybe 3 1/2 months, but there's some "stuff" that I just think is important when you're a senior in high school. For most people, this is the first time in your life where something is permanently ending. If a year ago someone would have told me that in this short span of time I would loose and gain so many friends, or that I would fall for a stinkin' boy and spend nights crying over him, or that I would be spending 4 months across the world saying goodbye to my mom and friends, I would say that they are crazy and need to stop the drugs and probably give them a lesson on the Word of Wisdom because whatever they were taking to tell me these things are not healthy for them. I love all my friends exactly how it was, boys didn't notice me or talk to me, and I would be starting at a university in the fall. Change is inevitable.

Senior year is hard, it is hard because there is a lot of expectations. You have to know where you're going for college, know who your senior prom date is, know you are going to be saying goodbye to a lot of people and you're expected to be okay with that. This is just a little list of some "Do and Do Not Do's" that I have thought of recently:

-Always DO kiss the boy. It doesn't matter if he doesn't notice you, it doesn't matter if you are scared, it doesn't matter what is going to happen the next day at school, after you're graduated you will be gloriously happy that you kissed him. All you need is a burst of insane courage, a friend to take your gum in your mouth, and a crush standing there for a memory that you will laugh back on for the rest of your life. Go up and kiss him and run, go in for the kill and do it. I promise you will regret more things you don't do, than the things you actually do.

-Please DO NOT ever think "there is nothing to do in Gilbert," so you spend the night bumming around, throwing a little pity party because GILBERT IS SO BORING. BLAH BOO HOO LIFE IS SO HARD. Go out and watch stars with friends, have a slumber party with popcorn and ice cream, go *kiss and ditch a boy, ask your crush to walk around Downtown Gilbert, go to the drive ins, go to get dessert at a fancy restaurant in Scottsdale so you can get dressed up with all of your friends. I wish I would have spent more nights doing the lame things, rather than wishing that Gilbert wasn't so lame.

-DO go to the dance you don't get asked to, DO go with a group of gal pals because  *surprise* dance parties are fun! But please DO NOT not go to a dance because the boy you wanted to ask got asked, because guess what, one time I did that and I spent the night ALONE while all of my friends, including my crush, were at a dance, where the boy I had a crush on was dancing with another girl, and I was spending my night walking around Target. Being left out sucks, no one should willingly do it.

-Definitely DO talk to everyone in your classes, because guess what, in a few short months you will never see these humans again so get to know as many people as you can, because people need people and people are cool and being friendly is a good thing, really.

-DO NOT skip spending time with family or friends because you need to do a project for school or finish homework, this one is hard to explain in words, but you can do homework when you get home at midnight. Pull an all nighter to finish the project and trudge through school the next day, who cares, you got to hangout with a friend, a friend who you do not know how much longer they will be living in the same state as you.

-For the sake of what is good and holy, DO talk to that cute boy next to you in class. DO catch onto his hints that he is crushing onto you too, and DO let yourself like him. Let your guard down, let yourself make him the sunshine of your life because it feels good and you feel happy. Let yourself feel blue when you break up, it is just part of it all. But DO NOT go up to him and his new girlfriend in the middle of the hall and say "wow cute couple," because you are feisty af, actually DO do that, if you can handle his wrath afterwords. Whatever, you do, just DO make memories. 

-Last little bit, I am sure everyone has heard this, is DO go to every football game, DO go to In N Out after that football game, DO go to the dance party, DO dress up for spirit week, DO participate in Senior Grad Nite, DO include everyone in your class because that is what ends up mattering the most. DO NOT think you are too cool or that is too lame, because the "lame" stuff is the stuff that brings a smile to your face. Dare night seems lame? SO WHAT. Wearing PJ's to school seems lame? SO WHAT? The lame stuff actually isn't lame at all, it is what creates the most lasting memories.

xoxo

*Kiss and ditch is not a term to toy with a boys heart by leading him on then dumping him, it is where you call a boy and say "hey (insert crushes name) come outside I have a surprise for you," and then you and your friends drive to his house and as he gets out so do you, and you run up and plant a big one on him. Then you maybe smile really cutely and say "see ya bud," and sprint back into the car and have your friends drive away. 

If You Were A Store

I love categories, I love talking about categories of people and traits, like astrology- that kind of stuff I love because I love reading about myself. Lame I know. But anyway, I feel like I have lots of categories for boys. I mean there's different kind of cupcake boys or different kind of candy boys, but what about girls. There's lots of kinds of girls just like there's lots of kinds of stores.

-We have Nordstrom. Oh Nordstrom, I love you I really do. Nordstorm is the dependable girl, Nordstrom is the store that if you need anything odds are that it has it. And if it doesn't it will sell you something else to add to your closet. The Nordstrom girl is always there when you're down or up, she is there will cookies and a hug and a box of tissues when that stupid boy dumps you and she's there with a yipee and a skip when you get into the school of your dreams. 

-Then we have Forever 21. Hahahaha I am not a fan of Forever 21, not because I feel like I am above it (which I am not because I do own a few items from there!) but I personally just am not a fan of their company, their fast fashion sense of business and their crappy quality of clothing, but Forever 21 is like that friend that when you need a night of fun, they are there. The Forever 21 girl is the girl that steals boyfriends, she has a nice little fake bake, and she is just kind of nasty. She is who she is, but probably watch out because she is a shark.

-Of course, we have Anthropologie. The Anthropologie is the girl that is the girl of all girls, she is always nice and kind and never says a mean word, to any one's face at least. On the outside, Anthropologie is pretty and smells good and it makes your heart flutter, but when you go deep, like to the price tags, you feel a stab to the heart. Shopping at Anthropolgie comes at a high price, just as being friends with an Anthropologie girl comes with its own kinds of risks. Beware, because if she is talking nasty with you about another girl she probably is doing that about you, with someone else.

xoxo

I Was Really Sad At A Boy

One time, I was really really sad at a boy (shocker I know) and so, when in doubt doughnut it out right? This was smackdab in the middle of Assassins week, so I was staying far away at my dad's house and I was sad at this boy, every fiber of my being kind of felt like a big frowny face. 

So I told a little white lie, I told my dad I was going to Paigie's house and visit for some reason I can't even remember, and I drove all the way down Higley road until I found a Dunkin Donuts on Chandler Heights road, I got a chocolate covered donut with sprinkles and I parked in the nearby parking lot and I sat and cried. I do not even think I ate my donut, I just laid my chair back with my top down of my convertible bug and cried. This is an important moment to me. I don't know why, but it constantly pops in my head. I think it is important because this is when I realized it is important to be okay with not being okay. Because sometimes (a lot) boys are sucky, like your boyfriend telling you that he is telling people he is gonna hook up with another girl for the sake of the game kind of sucky, and sometimes you are lonely from hiding inside because of a stupid game and sometimes everything gathers up like a storm and that storm has to hit. 

One time, I was really sad at a boy. I was sitting in a fireside and I found out some sad news and I just got up and left. My sweet friend next to me was probably so confused and I had some explaining to do to him later, but I just left. The storm was too much. 

I got in my cute little bug and I drove down Higley road, I drove until I hit mountains, I drove until my tears covered my eyes and I couldn't see out of them anymore. This, like the when in doubt doughnut it out moment, is an important one to me because this is when I realized that you can do everything you can and get your hopes up and wish upon every 11:11 and blow on every eyelash, but you can't make someone want you. Sometimes people feel things for other people, and we as humans just have to be okay with that. We have to accept it, we don't have to like it, but we have to accept it because if we don't, if we sit in the fireside like everything is okay then the storm cannot pass, it can not calm, it will get louder and darker and windier and it will hurt that much more when it explodes.

One time, I was really sad at a boy. And so I started to shop like I have never shopped in my life, like ever. I mean I love new clothes- I love the new smell they all carry and I love walking out of a store with a shiny new bag and wrapping paper and oh gosh the feeling of coming home and laying out all that you have purchased is exhilerating really, but this got bad. This is when I realized that to make myself feel better I would go to the mall and hit my favorite store and spend maybe $30 in each store, until I had like 5 or 7 or 10 favorite stores. 

When I was lonely I would buy things, I began to love to spend money. This is one of the moments when I realized how important people are. Yes, a cute new mini skirt that makes my legs look oh-so-good is so so awesome in the moment, but in 4 months when I have worn it 20 times I will want a new one, but in 4 months when I am happy I will still have my best friend to be happy with me. This is when I noticed that if I have $11 in my bank account I can't go shopping, but when I have $11 in my bank account I can still laugh and cry and be with pals.

xoxo

All Exposed

Maybe I have been watching too much Greys where they spit out metaphors at ya like those annoying sales people at the kiosks throwing samples at you, but because I like to compare one thing to another-  so here we go.

That moment when you're about to step in the shower, your body is cold and you are exposed, you are looking at the shower, at what you know is coming next and what you hope is warm and fuzzy and covers your body in warm and soapy bubbles, is like the moment when you're about to fall for a crush. It is like the tip of the iceberg, really. Right at that moment before hopping in the shower you are exposed, just like that moment when you let your guard down, you are exposed. You are trusting, you are scared, you are willingly letting someone else control part of your happiness. How twisted does that sound, yet it is what we all desire. We have three outcomes really:

1.) The shower is perfect. The water, oh gosh, the perfect temperature. The shampoo spits out the shampoo in that perfect little dollop and it bubbles in your hair just perfect. You don't get any cuts on your legs from your razor, and your new shaving cream smells better than that cute boys hoodie. You leave feeling clean and refreshed and sparkly.

2.) The water makes you jump out with a quick scream, leaving you more cold because now your body is cold and wet. The cold water sends icicles down your spine and you refuse to take another step into that shower until you are convinced you are developing hypothermia and you have to get back in the (hopefully) warm water to save your soul.

3.) That yummy looking shower, with steam coming out from the top, is merely a result of underestimating the power of your hot water knob and you jump in, with blind faith, only to feel your skin boiling from the sharp and burning water. You stick through it because your skin will get used to it, however you find out that you're out of shampoo and also you cut your knee shaving and also your forgot to get a towel ready after your shower, so you are running across you room, your body in shock from hot to cold in a millisecond, searching for a towel.

Like the shower, we have three outcomes for falling for a new crush:

1.) He reciprocates feelings. He tells you that you are everything he needs and no one has ever made him feel this way before (which he has probably told to a million other girls, so how many ways can he really feel???) but anyway, you are happy. You are in a deep deep like and he gives you butterflies and he loves to be with you. He has perfect hair and a smile that makes your insides feel like a melty Popsicle in July in Arizona.

2.) He seems like he feels the same way, I mean he says it, but for some reason he doesn't want to hangout with you and his friends, and he really wants to keep whatever is going on between you two, because it is more exciting that way really (red flag!!! (Please refer to 7 Signs You Are Falling For The Bad Guy)) and he just wants to hangout when it is convenient for him, but I mean he is what you need (like a shower, even if it is cold right) so you will take it, but every fiber in your being is telling you that you deserve more, like a luke warm shower at least.

3.) He completely shuts you down with a "thanks" and a "good job sport *pats on back*" kind of feeling, ouch. And you just wanna shake his cute little head and say that you are the sun in this mess of stars and that you would be so good together and that you know he likes you too, but you let it go because he is unhealthy for you, poisonous probably, or at least that's what you have to tell yourself to keep yourself from wanting him more.

xoxo

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-I think I might miss all of my clothes the most
-Do you ever get goosebumps just thinking about someone
-The thing is, I have double the dads and double the moms so that means if you break my heart then that's double the dads that want to shoot you and double the moms to talk crap about you at lunch group
-If Draco Malfoy had a twin sister that would be you- inside and out
-I still get butterflies when a cute boy favorites my selfie!!!
-I have this really annoying talent of knowing how much everything that everyone is wearing costs
-Aw sad!!!!!!!
-Do you ever just wanna @ someone but you don't wanna stir up drama but also you are in a different continent so :-///
-When you wanna online shop but you live on an island
-Ur second best
-Ok but just really grateful for good friends
-"You're cute even when you don't try to look cute" was my favorite thing to hear
-If I'm not tweeting about how much I love my life do I really love it???
-"This song reminds me of you" is always top ten compliments, unless the song is something like "forget you" by Cee Lo Green then probably not
-Missing people sucks but it also is a sign that you have something in your life worth living for
-Can feelings stop being a thing
-It's raining and I was supposed to go to the beach today and I haven't been this distraught since March 24th
-When you get stood up for a FaceTime call (@@@ Shay)

-Don't be that person to post videos of you singing, unless you're Lauren Case then post more, otherwise keep it to yourself

Boys Are Harder To Resist Than Biscuits

We as humans have that cool little voice inside of our head, telling us what is wrong and what, we think, is right. It eggs us on to keep going to will try to pull up to a harsh halt. Here's a fun few moments where that voice speaks to me, and I refuse to listen.

-When I am trying my darnest to eat healthy so I can come back to America with a smokin' bod, but I find myself reaching for my second biscuit. As I am sliding my hand into that fogged up container that holds a fluffy and warm and downright delicious biscuit that every ounce of me is craving, that stinking little voice is yelling at me "DO NOT DO IT, STAY AWAY FROM WHITE BREAD AND BUTTER. DO NOT DO IT," Yet, here we are, twenty minutes later and I am stuffed full with not one biscuit but two. Perfectly satisfied, completely and utterly regretting it.

-When I start to like that boy that is all wrong for me. When everything about him is calling my name in a glowing Beyonce-isk voice. Like his drug addicting smell, his crooked smile, his dopey silly eyes, the way my skin electrifies when he touches me, it lures me in probably more than that stinking yummy biscuit. That same voice is screaming in my ear "HE IS POISON HE WILL DISAPPOINT AND BREAK YOU HEART," but I don't care. I know that if I let myself fall for his tricks I will end up broken and shattered and have to learn to rebuild myself again, but I also know as much as I resist I will not stop myself for falling for him. Boys are harder to resist than biscuits.

-When it is 3am and yet another Greys Anatomy episode concludes, and I am sleep deprived but I NEED TO KNOW will Doctor Shepherd save the poor patient or will he have to add yet another failed case to his list?! That little annoying voice in my head is whispering in it's tired and faded talk "Go to bed, it is time, Doctor Shepherd will be here tomorrow." So, I turn it off, then approximately three minutes later I open up my laptop so the screen illuminates my room and I watch the next episode, plus someone just started to code so I have to watch.

xoxo

Current State of The Union

In:

-Wearing your sunglasses in every Twitter selfie because it is always sunny in Doucheville, obviously

-SELFIES AND I LOVE SELFIES EVERYONE POST SELFIES

-Apparently not keeping one's word! Let's get a big cheer for man kind

Out:

-Binge watching Greys :-( I have a massive headache right now, I need to build up more stamina

-BUBBLE NECKLACES, I do not know how girls somehow keep being able to find a bubble necklace in this day and age, but somehow a select few are able to find the accessory piece that is similar to shards of a soda can to dangle off of their neck, invest in some new jewelry please

-Liking to eat healthy, no one likes to do it or wants to do it. "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I CALL BLUFF because I highly doubt that the person who stated that awful saying has tasted Baskin Robins 31 Flavors "Oreo Cake" icecream, it is breathtaking

Top Ten Compliments

You know those things you hear that just make your heart melt?

-"You look tan"

-"You look happy again"

-"This song reminds me of you"

-"I've never had someone in my life that makes me miss something so much"

-"Your hair looks long"

-"Oh wow your arms are toned!"

-"You have a good sense of humor"

-"That lipstick color looks good on you"

-"Your shoes look expensive"

-"You're every Mormon boys dream"

xoxo

ps here's a quick selfie of when I thought the plane left at 6:45 am, only to find out it left at 6:45 pm. Props to my parents for not chopping my head off for waking them up at an unspeakable time for a flight that is 12 hours later. :-)

How To Tell If Someone Is Avoiding You

Aside from missing your person and your little brother eating the last piece of pizza, the worst feeling on this planet that I think we as humans can experience is knowing when someone is avoiding us. If you are really cool and accomplished and have never been avoided by anyone, then I have two conclusions. One, you are a robot. Two, I am the only person who is avoided by people so you are actually completely and utterly normal. Anyway, over my vast experience of being avoided and ignored by crushes, friends, parents, coworkers, I decided to put a little teeny list of pointers or indicators that will lead one to the conclusion if they are being *cue a heavy drum roll and a rolling of the eyes* avoided.

-Said person never texts you back. That is a bummer, but it is a clear sign. Unless, however, said person really sucks at texting, then maybe you're off the hook but even that is iffy. I mean, someone who sucks at texting is going to text someone they like- even a little bit- back, but someone who is trying to avoid someone will have an accumulation of "hey" 's on the left side of their messages.

-Said person will not text you back, but is watching your snap stories. I mean, this is a small detail that really someone only pays attention to if they are looking for a specific human to be paying attention to them, and said person is obviously an armature at avoiding people. If you do not want someone to know they have their phone handy then do not be watching stories to get the list of stories out of your feed. It's simple- think smarter not harder. 

-Said person can never hangout because they are always doing an activity that involves their mom or their mom's rules. Unless they really love their mother, their mother probably is not forcing their 18 year old child to come to the fabric store with them for 7 hours.

-SAID PERSON WILL SLAP YOU WITH THE "Delivered"

-Said person will go to great lengths to make sure that they do not run into you at any costs. Now, the victim in this situation will probably not realize this as it is all on the avoiders side, but an avoider will purposely park in the back of the parking lot to make sure they do not run into you while walking to class, they will change their route to avoid some kind of contact, some might even pull up to the same gas station as the victim and force their 12 year old brother to go inside and pay for gas because sometimes avoiding someone is worth it. Just a thought.

xoxo

Hard Facts About Life

Inspired from my "300 writing prompts" clearance deal I snagged at Barnes and Noble.

-Not everyone you fall in love with you are meant to be with

-Eating more and exercising less does in fact make you fat

-Red Robin's bottomless fries are only free if you order a meal

-Not everyone has clear and pure intentions

-Your most can be not enough for someone

-People will shoot the messenger with hopes some of the backlash will hit the perpetrator

-Things have to change

-Two years is a long time

-Last Chance raised their prices

-Saying "see ya later" is a real thing and it sucks real bad

-"Be careful what you wish for" is real and true and I have a story of why one really should "be careful what you wish for"

-One always feels better in a cute outfit when their hair and makeup is done up- sorry :-/

-People come and go

-Boys suck 

-Girls can be nasty

-The badder the boy, the more the girl wants to fix and make him hers

-Math is hard for like 98% of the human race

-Derek Shepherd is dead

-Bomb shoes will always hurt your feet no matter how many times you try to wear them out

-Credit cards are not all they are cracked up to be

-Sometimes you have expensive taste but get paid $9 an hour

Did and Did Not

Did not:

-workout

-clean my bathroom

-finish packing

-do laundry

-get an oil change

-finish my dress

-go shopping for clothes

-let myself miss people

-have to pretend to like someone

-tan

-shave my legs

Did:

-get a new Harry Potter book

-eat two things of Red Robin fries

-memorize half the rap to "Fergalicious"

-cry over a fictitious death in Greys Anatomy

-realize this has been a fast month

-do my makeup

-wipe off my makeup

-do my hair

-put my hair in a pony tail

-hang out with my mom

-laugh with good pals

-catch up with true friends 

-freak my mom out

You win some you loose some :-/

xoxo

Thoughts

-over it

-"whatever you have to be pretty if you're gonna be a bitch" -Carson

-it's a bummer when you go down a bra size

-the thing is I don't run because I love to run, I run because I want a hot bod

-I wish there was an app where you could ask who was a thing and who was hooking up like that would be helpful

-"I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me"

-My journal has movie stubs of good watches and straw wrappers of successful dates in it and it's just happy tears in that thing

-11:11 I wish nordstrom will start shipping to Malaysia

-K so wanna get married because planning a wedding also don't want to get married because boys have cooties and I won't have anything to look forward to

-Morning raspy voices tho

-Today I am thankful for friends that watch Greys Anatomy

-"Alone people don't like hearing about together people"

-I love seeing how boys look at their girlfriends, I want someone who looks at me like Caleb looks at Bailee

-I love haunted houses I love scary movies I love love love Halloween 

-You know when you wanna ask someone something but you know they're gonna send it in their gm :-///

-We all have stuff we don't talk about

-Red robin! Someone! Anyone!

Humans Need More

So here's the thing, I just really believe that as humans we need more than the three basics to survive. Like ok we are not animals, we can not thrive with food, water and shelter. We have been blessed with bodies and minds and emotions, so much that we crave these things to survive. Now, somedays I am positive that I can survive on Krispey Kreme donuts, exhibit A:

But really, other things fill us up. I was thinking about this idea as I was enjoying my newly unemployed life where I was laying in the pool listening to "Rich Girl," and I felt as though I should be in a scene of Gossip Girl. As Jenny Han via Belly states "I could live on a crush for weeks," I completely agree. There are moments that I have stored in my brain that I use as a fall back when I am bored or sad or just lonely, they are like the granola bar that is always in your pantry that you can always count on and it will never let you down. 

Freshman year I was infatuated with a brunette boy whose eyes crinkled when he smiled and my heart melted faster than a popsicle in Arizona heat when he would open his heavenly lips and say "Hey McKenzie," I mean, there was a moment when he said hello to me after class and I LIVED on that moment for a few months. I told everyone and anyone who would listen that this beautiful human being knew my name, and whenever I was bummed or down with the blues I would remember his crinkled eyes and my heart would beat fast and I would be content. I lived on that crush for months, that crush was my stability basically. 

I was training myself to live on memories. I am stuck with that training today. Today, I remember the heart beating second of my first kiss and I fall back on that when I need a good laugh, I remember the laughs of sneaking into the Buttes hot tub with friends when I am bored, I remember my first real kiss with a boy I really liked when I want to remember the good. I am like Belly where I live on moments, I have little memories of my lifetime stored up so when I am sitting alone in the food court or driving the long drive home I can sip on those moments and feel what it was like when life felt as it was golden. 

I love memories, and it is hard to not plant down in memory lane and stay there because the past is much more comforting and safe than the present. But how lucky we are that we are blessed with a brain that can remember feelings and emotions and these are triggered by songs or words or a building on the road, I mean it sucks to feel so much, but also it is kind of awesome because that connects us with one another.

Also if there was an award for an all-over-the-place-what-is-the-point-blog-post I like to think that this one would take home the gold medal. I just think it is interesting that I can live on memories, that when it feels as though my life is at a humming plateau, I can look back on the exciting and heart pumping memories and feel something to feel alive.

xoxo

A Whole Bunch Of "See ya laters"

I am going to do something a little bit out of the norm, usually I try to keep this blog away from a journal (which I have, and I just finished one so I got a cute new Kate Spade one woohoo) and more of an emotional depot, but I owe a post to my beloved Nordstrom. I just wanna put a little piece of something that is going on in my itsy bitsy world. Anyone who knows me on some kind of level knows that I have always had a love, like a deep, burning, crazy love, for Nordstrom. Something about the gray, clean, classy bags, something about the smell of the store, something about the word Nordstrom excites my heart. Aside from my love for clothes, I have a deep infatuation for this company. 

A little over four months ago I realized I needed to change something in my life. I was sad, sad beyond a sad I have ever expirienced and if you know me or if you have read from previous posts I am sure you can assume why, but nevertheless I was bummed. I decided to get a job- like a real life one where I had to interview and pay taxes and all that jazz. I decided to shoot for the moon, my moon, my world- Nordstrom. Much to my pleasant surprise, I landed my dream job. I am not exaggerating when I say this is my dream, like I drool at the thought of Nordstrom. This job came into my life at a time when I was struggling to stay afloat. Granted, going to school from 7:30-1:30 then working from 2-9:30 was tough, and I am still amazed that I got to work while managing to touch up makeup, change shoes, and stuff a Luna bar into my face, all while cruising along the 202- but I did it. This job, this dream, was an escape for me. It was a distraction from my everyday woes that I was experiencing. At Nordstrom I was not the broken girl, I was not the girl planning the Disney trip, I was not the girl who was bummed at school or the girl that cried in passing periods, I was me. I could be whoever I wanted to be, I was a hard worker who smiles at customers and literally shopped for people all day. Not gonna lie, my nights were often brightened when cute boys would come visit me, and that made my dream even more special. 

Yesterday I put a pause on my dream, I said a temporary goodbye to my favorite company with some of my favorite people because I am embarking on a new journey to be nanny for an amazing family in Malaysia, and I am so elated and thankful for this opportunity. But goodbyes are hard, they suck. I have never had something in my life ever where I have had to say so many goodbyes to people that literally were my floaties, people that do not even know they were this to me. I love Nordstrom and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity that company gave me, but I am so looking forward to these next four months and I do a happy dance when I think of living 9000 miles away from sucky boys, and give my mom a hug when I realize I will be 9000 miles away.

xoxo