I Run

I'm a runner. Mentally and (sort of) physically. When things get hard, I run. When my parents told me they were getting divorced, I ran across the neighborhood. When a boy tried to break my heart, I went for a run until I absolutely could not breathe. When I couldn't make a decision and I felt like the world was crashing down on me, I ran away- 9,000 miles away. So I run, aka I hide from my problems. I shove everything under the mat as far as it can go. I make sure that any confrontation or issue is hid far from any eyes. If I am upset or hurt or grieving, I don't want people to see. I vividly remember one day being just so distraught in class, the mat could not longer contain my feelings, and it felt as though everyone caught on. I hated it. I hate how someone can look at my facial expression and see that I am breaking inside, it just sucks. I would have ran from the millions of "what's wrong," "why are you sad" and awfully pressuring questions, but I was out of absences and I really needed to graduate. 

When things would bug me or get under my skin I would not let it bug me and make sure the person provoking me was comfortable. No confrontation=comfort, right? :-( wrong. Sorry Kenz, you can only be walked all over for so long. It's not okay or normal to let other people's feelings and emotions over bear your well being. This is not selfish, it took me a long time to realize this. Yes, being compassionate and emphathizing with one another is important and necessary, and hard to not do, but it is taking me a long while to realize this. To realize that it is okay to let someone know when they're bugging the crap out of you. Tell your boyfriend when he's pissing you off, tell your best friend when she's being irrational, tell yourself it is okay to feel what you are feeling when you are feeling it. We feel things for a reason, we don't get bugged at a situation for the heck of it, it's not like our brain says "hey he is treating me super crappy and I'm gonna get bugged by it and not say anything just for kicks and giggles! Wahoo!" Feelings, like a cute boy, should never go unrecognized. 

This is to all of the shover underneath the ruggers, to the anti confrontationalists, to the people pleasers, to the runners- do what makes you happy. Always uplift one another along the way, but remember what you're feeling. Listen to feelings, they're important. 

Xoxo

Alma 5:27