Tinder Bios

I got a tinder for blog related purposes, obviously. I'm just doing some research for my art, obviously. 

Catchy and relateable bios that are sure to get you a guy:

-Basketball shorts are a hard pass

-Emotionally unstable (jk don't put this as your bio because for some reason guys think this is a for sure sign that you just want a hookup and you will get hookup messages on a hookup app so)

-Honors cosmetology school student

-GRJHS cheer 2010/2011

-Just your average Chinese American Mormon

-5"6.75 | LDS | AZ -> UT | Cosmotology student | snap: mckenzieyee | 19 *insert cactus emoji

-Love language: donuts

-"I am lonely

"Boys are mean and boys are gross

"I will die alone

"-a haiku by me"

Red Flags of a Tinder Bio:

-mirror pic

-gym pic

-MIRROR GYM PIC

-snapchat in bio

-Instagram in bio

-height in bio

-no height in bio (this is a loose loose situation)

-professional, artsy photos 

-have some kind of requirement in their bio like "colored hair and nose ring? Swipe left" (actually saw that on a bio)

-any line insinuating that they are just looking for a hookup

-any line stating they only want a serious relationship (another loose loose situation)

-their bio says "I'm actually 18 but" while their age is set at 21

-pre mission pics

-mission pics

-gym pics

-gym pics

-gym pics

-those sunglasses, you know those ones

Good luck tindering,

Xoxo

What Did You Do?

"What Did You Do?"

I didn't look for you

I didn't ask for this

I didn't need you to pull me apart

I've been falling it of control

I think of you wherever I go

What did you do 

Oh what did you do to me

-Gabrielle Aplin

I love this song, besides the light and catchy tune that somehow reminds me of Christmas which reminds me of smiles and hugs and a certain cute boy, I love this song because it is oh so "relate able." And things that are relateable are the best, because they remind our soul that we are never alone in our feelings or endeavors. I think every girl has felt this, has fallen for a boy and after it goes to the can she thinks "I was perfectly fine before you came along, before you I was happy being alone and I was perfectly OKAY being alone," because after someone leaves your life, it is a lot harder to go back to being okay with being alone. After someone walks out of your life you kind of feel alone, like a part of you that kept you going is now gone and vanished into air. 

"The darker part of him almost wanted to forget her because it hurt so deeply. " this is from James Dasher's prequel to The Maze Runner series, "The Kill Order," and I just had to jot it down because this too is "relateable." How many times when I have been bed ridden because of a bad case of a broken heart is too many, and every time I wished so badly that I could eliminate every trace and memory of the too many boys that have done that to me. Now, I am on the other side, and I am here. I am not thirty flirty and thriving, more like nineteen awkward and cringing, but surviving nonetheless. And if those many heartbroken bed ridden nights have taught me anything, it is that what is waiting on the other side for me is glorious and is like a breathe of sweet air after being suffocated from the wrong kind of love. I look at myself where I was a year ago, and am grateful everyday that I am no longer that person, and I hope everyone always feels that way too. Because a year ago I was perfectly okay with being alone, I was kind of sure with who I am and I didn't know what it felt like to be thrown to the ringer a few times plus 23. But today, I do. And today I know that I will only be thrown in about 400 million other ringers, but if I am this much stronger after a few times through the ringer, I find joy in the person I am growing to be. I hope that everyone feels that same joy. I hope that everyone who is feeling beaten from a long trial that seems endless knows that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, this world is too beautiful to withhold that light. 

Xoxo

Current State Of The Union

In:

Dirty Hair: the dirtier the hair, the more power to you. I'm pretty sure beauty school is the only place where we praise you for embracing 6th and 7th day hair. Thank the heavens for dry shampoo- it saves lives.

Deleting Your Ex Off Of Social Media!!!!!!: let's be more immature shall we! Yes breakups suck and no one really wants a reminder of their ex, it's normal to delete their number and delete photos that carry painful memories, but going as far as to unfriend or unfollow is just taking the extra mile- GO YOU! You're a super star! You're a pro at breakups, I bet you're going far in life in the maturity department. 

Great Value Energy Packets: I wake up, I am groggy, the world is fuzzy and I am unable to comprehend anything. Then I have my Great Value energy packets and the world is clear, my vision is restored and everything is great. I would highly recommend investing in these beauties, with extra emphasis on the peach mango flavor. 

Missionaries: missionaries are just always being talked about at school and at my apartment and everywhere else. Miss those gals and guys. 

Out:

Pretending Not To Care: caring is cool, and not caring is not cool. It's cool to have feelings and emotions and to let your friends know when you need a little perk up. Care for people and let people care for you.

Diet Coke: what's important now is Dirty Diet Coke, just regular Diet Coke with a little bit of coconut and it tastes like summer and smiles and everything good in this world.

McDonald's: just kidding Mcdonals is always in. 

Xoxo

Kenzie

Why You Should Stop Kissing Your Ex(es) Now

Why you should stop kissing your ex(es) now, and you should have stopped doing that like yesterday:

You know that feeling that Lane has in the Gilmore Girls episode where Henry, the boy who she has regular phone dates with, kind of breaks up with her but not really breaks up because they were never dating- that feeling? That is the feeling you get after you stop hooking up with an ex. It's an odd and indescribable feeling, it's a feeling of you lost something that never really was there. It's a feeling that you do not really have a true and valid reason to be upset over because during this whole fling you convinced yourself you do not have feelings for said ex and also, everything is purely physical and fun. 

The issue with hooking up with an ex is someone always catches feelings. Whether it's the girl or the boy, kissing your ex releases emotions you have worked so darn hard to suppress. Plus, the hooking up stage is usually followed by severe angry emotions on both sides, which ends up with hurt feelings and bad thoughts towards the whole relationship. 

I am guilty of this, literally every relationship or close to relationship I have ends badly because I try to be friends, then the boy just starts kissing me and there isn't anything I can do about it!!! But for real, I am here to testify to you the dangers of hooking up with an ex. Also, hooking up with an ex previous to current ex is just entering into a hazardous situation.

Once an ex, always an ex. Once you breakup with someone and kiss for fun you are already creating unhealthy patterns that if you were to get back together, still will cause stress and strain to your relationship. 

Relationships are awesome and heart wrenching and confusing and important, but exes are exes for a reason, and kissing because you both miss kissing just messes things up and will not patch over the fact that you guys had to break up for a reason. It's okay to miss an ex, and if you don't then that is a sure sign that the relationship was not in the stars, but it's okay to miss someone you spent every waking hour with- just be careful my loves. Missing people is an important part of life, because if we never missed each other I believe that we would not know how to truly appreciate another's presence. Missing people comes in phases, but eventually that missing feeling numbs and you are able to look back on a relationship and be grateful for the good times and laugh at the crappy ones. Missing an ex sucks, but eventually that missing feeling fades into a distant memory and missing a boy is easily suppressed with dirty Diet Coke, friends, and a new boy- it's simple really. 

Exes are tricky because part of you doesn't want to give up on what you thought was so real and so pure, but the other parts of you know that sometimes, relationships and things in our lives have to end so that we can make room for better moments. 

Maybe I'm writing this for my pure enjoyment or maybe one girl will listen to my weak advice and avoid another heartbreak because she was strong! She had will power against her cute ex! More power to you! And good luck with the next boy, starting over sucks, but it is exciting and the butterflies of a new crush keep me going- with the help of Diet Coke. 

Xoxo

Kenzie

What Not To Do

I haven't done a lot of right things in my life, but I have done a lot of wrong things. And a few okay things.

Here is a fun little list of situations, and how to not handle them properly. May you always make the right choice and be mature, but still be sassy and get your point across.

When a boy says "I love you" for the first time as you are saying goodbye: probably do not pretend to not hear him, give him a quick kiss goodbye and hop in your car. I do not know the right procedure for a moment like this, but the way I handled it was not very cool of me and lead on for an awkward conversation later.

When you get discouraged because you have to go up a size in a piece of clothing: instead of being discouraged because you are not the same size you were in high school, be happy in the fact that you are getting more fabric for the same price as an XS swimsuit, basically you are getting more bang for your buck and you can consider yourself a savvy shopper.

When you're sad but do not want to talk about it: it's okay to take some time alone and meditate and have some alone time, but eventually it is time to let it out. Because if you do not, you will end up teaching your Relief Society lesson with tear streaked cheeks and mascara clumps because a good friend pulled you aside when they saw you blue. Let people help you, let your friends see you cry and let the universe help to heal you- because sometimes you have to take things one day at a time.

When you're going through a tough breakup so you decide to chop and color your hair: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE MAKE ANY PERMANENT CHANGES WHEN YOU ARE SAD OVER A STUPID, UNDESERVING AND NASTY BOY. You will only regret your newly colored hair and you will miss your long locks, which will not replace you missing your ex.

When every girl from your grade is engaged/in a serious relationship/has their sh*t together: be happy for those girls! They have it figured out, or so it seems. It is okay to be happy for someone who has something that you want and do not have. Just because someone has the ring you want or the body you want or the lifestyle you want does not mean that your body and your lifestyle is not amazing and awesome and does not mean that you cannot be happy.

When a boy calls you crazy or immature: do not try to explain to him why you are acting the way you are, because all girls have a little bit of crazy in them (some more and some less) and every action we as women do, a boy will constitute as crazy. Instead of telling him why you are feeling what you are feeling or why you are acting the way you are, and trying to justify your actions, just drop him like you're hot and he's not. You do not want a boy who makes you feel like you are crazy (unless that is crazy in love ;-) ) and you do not want a boy who you feel like you have to apologize and explain yourself for experiencing the emotions that you are when you are trying to figure things out. Let him think of you as crazy and psycho in his little and confusing brain and move on, because there are plenty of boys out there who will love your crazy and caring self. There are lots of boys who will go crazy themselves to get to take you on a date or to get to have a flirty conversation in the hallway. It all gets better.

Little quote of the day for ya:

xoxo

Kenzie

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-I just want to be rich enough where whenever I see a pair of shoes online I can buy them right there and then 

-Monday's become your new favorite days when your friends are on missions

-I miss AZ :-( and the people :-( 

-you're making it easier to let go

-every occasion is a Taylor swift occasion 

-the struggle to keep my hair long or chop into a fashionable lob is real

-90% of the time I have no idea what I'm doing I just roll with the punches 

-running heals the soul (when you don't run for more than 2 miles)

-I want a good summer bod but ALSO I want Krispy Kreme 25/8

-sometimes I worry that I won't get married but then I remember I'm 19 but then I remember I'm way behind in the marriage department than half of my graduating class

-I didn't realize how many couples were in Provo until I wasn't part of a couple

-"take a bow" by Rihanna on repeat though

-"ugly heart" by GRL on repeat also

-one day at a time, still

-2 years is a long time

-life motto:

-another life motto:

-atleast my shoes are cute :-/

Xoxo

Everything Sucks

Well, it's that wonderful time of year again. No I'm not talking about how it's make it or break it (get engaged or break up) season for relationships, Mercury is in retrograde. Wahoo! I'm a big believer that when things go south, let's just blame it on Mercury being in retrograde. So anyway, here is a list of crappy things that if they happened to you between April 25th and May 22nd, you are given a blame it on Mercury being in retrograde pass, because no you are not an unloveable sucky person, the universe is just throwing some bad luck your way.

-you loose your favorite pair of jeans

-you can't eat sugar because of a stupid diet

-you loose your job

-you don't get the job you want

-the boy you've been crushing on decides he's going to date the wrong person, aka anyone who isn't you

-it's too cold outside

-it's too hot outside

-you wear sandals when it's pouring outside

-every darn light on your dashboard in your car goes off

-you have to go to work

-an ex gets engaged

-an enemy gets engaged

-everyone gets engaged

-the dress you NEED is SOLD OUT

-the person you want doesn't want you

-you sleep text

Basically, when you're frustrated and confused because nothing makes sense and you feel like all of the lines in your life are twisted and messed up, we all have an excuse until May 22nd. Good luck babes.

Xoxo

Do I Deserve This?

I see a lot of couples. And by a lot I mean an incredibly large number. I am constantly surrounded by happy young love hand in hand, or a middle aged couple bickering but laughing, and sometimes I see an old couple with a young love. It's really cute but also really annoying when you're sadly single. But it's life, it happens, I move on. 

When I see a couple I like to "dissect" their body language when they are around me, whether I see one in the grocery store or I see them sitting next to eachother in church or they walk into my store when I'm working, I am so interested at how couples interact. I like to see the reaction of women when their partner seems annoyed by being in the store, or when he encourages her to take her time because they are in no rush. Some call it stalking, I call it people watching. 

Does he encourage her? Does she encourage him? Do his words make her light up? When she speaks does he listen with intent? Does he watch her when she's not watching? Does she watch him do suddel things like grab her back or touch her arm?

I like to witness little things that couples do because I like to analyze my own relationships. Over time I have seen girls that I think are far more worth than what they are dating, date crappy boys. And I have also seen guys that I think could make a girl extremely happy, be in relationships where the girl doesn't seem to appreciate him. Now I know I'm judging at a first glance and a few seconds of "people watching" but what I'm getting at is that girls need to know their worth.

Girls, we are 10 cows kind of women! We deserve a guy who is willing to give 10 cows for us! We deserve a guy who will hold our hand because he likes the touch of our fingers, a boy who will open and close your door for you, someone who makes you laugh when tears will not stop falling from your face for no reason at all. It makes me so sad when I see friends or girls passing by who are putting forth their effort, who deserve 10 cows, and are only wasting their time with boys who maybe have 10 cows to give but they choose to give 6 one day and take 2 back the next. 

My wish is that we, as girls, find a man who one day when we are old and wrinkly will take us on a trip to California because it makes us happy, a man who will listen to all of your stories throughout the day and a man that we find ourselves getting excited to tell people about. I have found that when I like a boy and I want to hide him from my friends or my mom- he's usually a crappy boy. Don't ever be afraid to tell anyone that you are so head over heels for this boy who keeps you up all night because you're replaying your first kiss. Because that's the kind of love we deserve. 

Xoxo

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-I drink too much juice but it's less calories than chickfila

-when are Jesus sandals and socks going to stop being a thing

-working in a swimsuit store when it's cold out is very exciting

-the worst part about a breakup is not having anyone to finish your food anymore #wasteful #goestowasteortomywaist

-I need a juice

-why am I sore from yoga a week ago

-I love seeing happy couples holding hands, love it !!!!!!

-another 19 year old girl from Gilbert get engaged, I dare you, make me feel more single than ever please

-f u Taylor swift for not being on Spotify 

-wait Taylor love me

-I really do care about your issues with your in laws and debating if you should get a spray tan or not before your big day, please tell me more

-why am I wearing a Juicy Couture shirt

-I've never seen more babies, maxi skirts, or couples than on the BYU campus

-one day at a time

Xoxo

Mood Monday

MOOD MONDAY

FOOD: Caesar salad from Sauce

SONG: "Best Thing I Never Had" -Beyoncé

SHOES: Sam Edelman 'Reyes' in Rust Red

BOOK: Harry Potter book 5

TV CHARACTER: Kimmy Schmidt in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

DRINK: Jetty Punch from Tropical Smoothie

MOVIE: Brave

QUOTE: "Humble, with just a hint of Kanye."

Xoxo
Kenzie

It's Hard To Be A Girl

Here's the deal, it is hard to be a girl. I am not saying it is not hard to be a boy, but I am saying it is hard to be a girl. I believe that if we took away all of the pressure laid on from social media and  took away the power of physical looks we, as girls, would still constantly feel jealous and the need to rise above one another. Basically rise to the top, pushing whoever down, as long as you get your sparkling crown at the top. But for real, it is hard to be a person, and it is even harder to be a person who is trying to figure out how to do grown up things and look and feel grown up, when you have the natural tendencies, like tears, jealously and regret always panging inside of you- so to speak.

But something that has occured multiple times to me in the past couple of days, is the fact that girls want what they cannot have. The boy, curly hair, straight hair, long legs, shorter legs, like I am pretty sure that if you put together the ideal image of your perfect girl, she would still want the exact opposite of what she has. That is just how it is.

I was listening in on conversation, evesdropping while ringing a customer up, and a proud mother was telling another coworker about all of the accomplishments her daughter standing next to her has made while in her college career. Now the mother did enough bragging so I will refrain from listing all of them, but they were extrememly impressive and very old person grown up accomplishments of her daughter to have completed at such a young age. As the coworker left to help someone else, I heard the daughter whisper to her mother "she always had the best clothes," and the mother whispered back "yeah but you get to meet Hunter Hayes," which, is pretty cool, but the daughter responded with a sigh.

Here's the deal: no matter how cool your life is, like getting to have some one on one time with Hunter Hayes, girls are constantly going to feel jealous of one another. It sucks. Or maybe I am the only one who feels this way, but I have a feeling I am not.

When I was little, okay so like 16, I longed for blonde hair. Like I just wanted to be one of those girls who looks good with blonde hair and call it a day, like to me if you were a girl with blonde hair you really were all that and a bag of chips- and to me, that is how boys perceived it too. But the issue is I am half Chinese, and the only blonde asian I have seen pull off blonde hair is that Urban Outfitters model, and she rocks it, but I just know that blonde hair would not look good on me. Some stuff is just how it is, but just because I do not have blonde hair does not mean that my brown hair isn't pretty, it doesn't mean that boys cannot be attracted to me. Just because the girl sitting in front of you is 3 sizes smaller than you doesn't mean you will never feel pretty, or just because your hair curls differently than your roommates doesn't mean that you can't love your hair just as much as she does. The truth is that the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side," is so horribly true. 

But just because the girl with the mile long legs and hair down to her waist is walking past you and seeing her walk past in her mini skirt makes you regret all late night Ben & Jerry decisions, does not by any means make you less beautiful, or cute, or funny. Just because that one boy, or the last seven it seems sometimes, does not see your worth and your wit and the power of what you bring into a relationship does not make you unwanted by the male species, it just means that life is waiting to give you what you can handle when you can handle it.

So just be patient, don't be jealous, and be happy for girls that look pretty, because maybe they have an awful personality.

xoxo

Crappy Chaos

I'm back b!tches.
I've been waiting to write this post for a while. A year ago this month I started this blog. A year ago I wrote one of my favorite posts "oops" and attracted the attention, ridicule, and sympathy of some members of my large high school. A year ago I was heartbroken, I literally felt my body tearing apart at the seams. It's amazing the uncontrollable power that a boy can have over a lovesick girl, but what's even more amazing is the power of The Atonement to comfort my lovesick self.

Today, a year later, I'm better. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss my old life, but I'm better. 

So because I'm a Pinterest whore, I came across this image and it struck greatness inside of me:

Because sometimes, although I'm better, my life is chaos. Everyone's life, at some point on this Earth, is in chaos. It is inevitable, but chaos is what makes the world go round babes. To me, chaos is magic. 

When my life is mid crisis, my account is overdrawn and my mascara is running down my face because of a boy and I miss my dog with every fiber of my being, sometimes all I can do is laugh. As humans, that is all that we can do sometimes. When life just sucks, and it feels like the end, we just have to embrace the crappy days just as much as the wonderful ones because the crappy days are where we learn the most. And most of the time, the learning process sucks. It just does- but we learn from life's crappy chaos and we make beautiful moments that constantly overcome and overpower the hurt and embarrassment we are feeling. 

If I had one piece of advice I could give to heart broken, long haired and stressed out year ago Kenzie, it would be to make peace out of the chaos I was experiencing. And also maybe don't post such bratty posts because those hurt feelings, or don't wash your hair as much, but mostly the chaos thing- because I believe that if I took a day to laugh at all of the situations that had turned south in my life I would have learned the lessons I needed to learn a lot faster and I would have been able to recover with a lot more grace. 

A bad day, hour, friend or boy doesn't taint you as undesirable, broken or miserable- it just means that there is more learning to be done in the midst of all the crappy junk floating around. 

I, Kenzie, solemnly vow to keep this blog up. If only for the sake of me, I vow it. 

Xoxo

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

Oh geeze it's been a while.

-oh cool! Awesome! Happy for you!!!!!

-are you freaking kidding me

-You can't have feelings for him, you realize that right?

-isn't Mercury supposed to be out of retrograde?!

-I shouldn't eat icecream today

-I need icecream today

-cute hair

-"You're cute, people eat that shit up" thx 

-boys suck

-boys suck

-boys suck

-friends are so so important my oh my

-I actually definitely want to be a surgeon

-I miss you

-I actually see a career for me in political science

-One more girl with converse and a dress and I will start to slit my wrists

-I can make about one and a half meals so hopefully my husband is a great cook or is okay with takeout 6/7 nights of the week

-Boys are gross :-( I'm gonna have to share a bathroom with one :-( and a bed :-( ew :-( 

-I don't want to get married... Ever

-boys are gross

-icecream cures all

-I'm poor

-2016 please perk up

-Today I feel a bit down in the dumps so naturally I get enough food for 4 starving 14 year old boys

-I should be working out right now

-should I go lighter?

-definitely going to cut my hair

-I need to take biotin to make my hair grow

-why are boys even a thing

-I'm wearing a black bra under a white shirt someone notice me

-The feeling of someone sending a text right while you open up your messages to them and your reads are on describes my personality

-bring on the hate but I love the idea of being cute for my husband and making dinner (the one meal I can make) for him

-I really really should be working out right now

Xoxo

Dear 2016

Dear 2016,

So far you started super crappy, then got super amazingly great, then alright (I moved to Utah) then super fun then kinda blah. But it's okay, it's only been 20 days of you. It kind of sucks that Mercury is in retrograde for the vey beginning of you, 2016, but that's okay because I like you. Every year I say "this is my year," and I don't know what I mean by that, because I never make and keep resolutions. Except I'm pretty sure my 2015 resolution was to get a boyfriend and I did that, and my 2016 one was to not kiss a boy... Anyway 2016, I don't know if this will be "my year" because I spend a lot of you as a poor student. 2016, we have shared lots of laughs, tears, and mistakes and I just know that there is going to be much more fun and embarrassing memories to fill you up with.

I used to have a "word of the year," a word to describe my year and to give me confidence when I needed it. Last year my word was "bold," and the year before that was "brave," and when I needed an extra spice of boldness or of being brave I clung to those words. Those words lifted me up because those were the words that my year depended on. 2016 I was going to make you my "big" year, I wanted every decision I made to be BIG. I wanted my decisions to make an impact so I can make an impact on this earth, but I'm changing my "word of the year" to "saying of the year." This years saying or montra is "you got this," so whenever I am feeling down in the dumps because the Krispy Kreme line is too long, or I miss a boy who is too many miles away, or I want to be home with my family, I will remember "you got this," and I will put on some lipstick and pull my sh*t together- because that's what ladies do.

So my wish, for all of you entering 2016 with me, is to let fear drive you, let your heart fall for another human being, let your guard down, and when things start to suck (AKA Mercury is in retrograde) remember "you got this." YOU, the person who maybe turns her music up too loud while eating a donut with way too many calories because she's kinda sad, got this. Life sucks, but only for a few more days until Mercury is done being in retrograde. Hold tight sistas.

Xoxo Kenzie