Lipstick is Power

Being a girl kind of blows sometimes, but most of the time it's really awesome. One of those awesome perks is if we feel ugly, we have the power to put cream and powder on our face and feel pretty- as awful as that sounds it's true. Also, I have a love affair. I have a love affair with lipstick. Oh golly goodness me I HATE lipstick. I refused to put gloss or color on my lips until my junior year in highschool after many many days of me leaving the house and my mother saying "you should add some color to your face," I don't know why, but it was just a hassle to me. I remember the day I bought my first tube of lipstick, I took it to my student council class and proudly sing songed to anyone that would listen that I, McKenzie Taylor Yee, am now a woman because I own my very own stick of lipstick. I hardly wore it because the upkeep of lipstick is annoying and tiresome, but I felt awesome. Now today I am a much older and hardly wiser McKenzie Taylor Yee, and I love lipstick. I mean, I have every shade of bright pink and coral red imagineable and I love how I feel pretty by just applying a layer of "sweetheart valentine" onto my lips. Yes, lipstick is messy and a lot of work, but so are boys, and we still love them, right? 

So here's my point: lipstick is power. Now besides the physical effect that literally eyes are drawn to a woman's most powerful tool- her lips, her words, where her thoughts are drawn upon, but wearing lipstick gives me an extra umph of confidence. When I have successfully applied Maybelline's "fuschia flash" and I walk into a room, I feel as though I own it- although the only rooms I really walk into are the breakroom, my bedroom and that's about it, I feel powerful. What we as women have to say is powerful. Yes we can sway men with a toss of our shiny hair or a smile with a cute voice and a side of a pouty eyes, but our words, our brains, our thoughts are more than that. 

So before going out next time, stop by your local Walgreens and pick a color you love and apply it with care, because our words are our most powerful force. As my favorite human Coco Chanel states, "If you're sad, add more lipstick and attack."

xoxo

Ps, happy national lipstick day lovebugs

Stupid

People are stupid. 

People do not understand their worth, and that makes me more mad than when Michael left The Office. I do not understand why people let crappy people have a free pass in their life, like "yeah I know you were awful to me and caused me so much heartache but it's cool imma let you back in to hurt me again." Like to me, those people are a pair of Forever 21 jeans. Forever 21 jeans are good in the moment because they're like what $14.99 and you have a cute pair of jeans for a night, cool right? And then they're so cheap so you end up buying like 10 pairs over the next two months, and it just gets better because you have more jeans! But then you realize after you wash those bad boys, they loose their shape, the jeans start to fade, your butt looks saggy and you wasted that $14.99. What you did not realize why purchasing those multiple pair of Forever 21 jeans is that if you would have saved up your money to invest in a good pair from The Gap or Nordstrom or even American Eagle, you could have a nice and reliable pair of jeans that make your butt look FANTASTIC even after the 3 months you have had them, even after a year, and yeah maybe you do not have as many pairs, but the ones you do have contain great worth.

I think friends are like this. No one wants a Forever 21 jeans friend. No one wants the friend that is cool to you for the moment, but after a while fades away and does not hold up their end of the deal. We, as humans, are special. We feel emotion and we have compassion and we love and we lose sometimes, but sometimes we need to weed out the Forever 21 jeans people, I am not saying I think one should cut everyone out of their life to be happy, I am just saying we need to be careful who we put our trust in, whose hands we let our happiness fall in. It is important to be kind to everyone, even the Forever 21 jean kind of friends, but everyone needs a good pair of denim friends, a friend that is there for you even when you are not the greatest human or even the greatest friend- we are all worth that atleast.

Xoxo

Lipgloss

Mindy Kaling, I wish I was cool enough to have you as my spirit famous person. This is important!! This right here!! This quote!! It falls along the lines of "fake it 'til you make it," as much as I am a huge proponent for being genuine and real and acting according to your real feelings, sometimes in order to mend the inside we need to have a pretty and shiny outside. Kind of like how sometimes you have to let the hurt out before you can let the happy in. On days where literally the universe is barfing on me and I want to quit and hide underneath my covers and never see daylight again, this quote always pops up in my mind. When a girl says a nasty comment to me, when my car breaks down on the 101, when they boy who "loves" me kisses another girl, when I feel as though the whole world is waiting for me to mess up falling down the stairs with my skirt flying up style- I just gotta pull out good 'ol "sweetheart valentine" and apply it extra dark to leave my mark on the world. As if I am saying a big "SUCK IT" to the universe, that maybe I do not know what I am doing with my life, maybe I still feel gray, and maybe I find myself at the Krispey Kreme drive thru all too often, but I can make the outside look good. I can make the outside look hella good. So when your insides are mush and your heart is squashed, put on bright lipstick and do your hair how YOU like it and "pretend to be psyched," because one day the pain will numb. One day your heart will beat fast again for someone new, one day a best friend will surprise you with a diet coke, one day you will find a love that will be the perfect cliche kind of love- and one day you won't have to "pretend" to be psyched anymore, because you will be. Pinky promise.

xoxo

If You Were

-If you were a pair of pants you'd be capris

-If you were a pair of shoes you'd be fit flops
-If you were a friend you would be the 3rd person falling off of the sidewalk
-If you were a cupcake you would be the Walmart brand kind with the frosting that stains teeth
-If you were a candy you would be black licorice
-If you were a pair of shorts you would be a pair of knee length ones
-If you were a state you would be Nebraska
-If you were a singer you would be Rebecca Black
-If you were a store you would be Q
-If you were a font you'd be times new roman size 12
-If you were a TV show you would be CatDog
-If you were a nail polish color you would be the sheer blue that only women over the age of 80 wear
-If you were a tweet you would be a post break up subtweet
-If you were a hair color you would be a brassy blond
-If you were a drink you would be club soda
-If you were a fad you would be platform flip flops
-If you were a country you would be Finland (no one ever checks up on Finland)

xoxo

Want & Need

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Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-I always see the same homeless guy on my way to work and my heart breaks but I never have cash do you think he takes checks

-My feet hurt and my heart hurts and my wallet hurts
-I would like to thank the heavens above for somehow letting me get to work in 13 minutes today when I have to drive to Chandler mall
-I would not like to thank the drivers that think it is okay to drive 65 on the freeway
-I always respond to texts even when I do not want to, because people who don't text back are the most annoying kind
-I really just want to watch Grey's all day and eat cheetos like I am a simple girl really

-If someone showed up with donuts I would not refuse

-kissing someone you care about is so much better than someone you don't. I mean kissing in general is great, but it's kind of like why would you go for a bagel when you can have a dozen Krispey kremes?

-Something about McDonalds diet coke

-I love love love watching how couples interact in public

-trying to not let people walk all over me but also feel annoying while doing it???

-you're worse than a bubble necklace and a tube top combo

-girl code is important and if you're important to me you understand that importance 

-it's hard to trust someone when they've shown you 400 reasons not to

-"you're like lowkey high maintence and I'm just high maintence" -Carson. G'bless our future husbands

-are you ever just annoyed with yourself and your situation and everyone surrounding you

-if you have to ask what band is playing while "what makes you beautiful" is playing you are probably too old to be shopping in my department

-I just really am a 2 carat kind of girl

-I can knot a cherry in my mouth in 15 seconds flat

Xoxo

5 Signs You Are Single

1. Your legs are hardly shaved, you will be chilling with you gal pals and wearing shorts because shorts are the best thing to ever happen to you, and you realize that you have not shaved your legs in days, possibly over a week. And then you realize it really does not matter because you do not have anyone to grab your legs when they're tickling you or anyone you want to impress.

2. You spend a majority of your nights curled up watching Grey's Anatomy while the only sign of life is the light from your laptop shining in your dark room. You do not want to go out or need to go out because there probably is not anyone you want to see.

3. The last person you cuddled with is a girl who is your best friend. Hold up, can we just agree that cuddling up in the arms of a cute boy is the best thing to ever happen like I get butterflies just thinking about it, but when you're single it is hard to find a boy who just wants to cuddle only so it is a large possibility that you and a couple of your best friends have spent hours staring at a netflix screen all cuddled up next to each other while shedding some tears over the death of a character- it happens.

4. You always have perfectly applied lipstick. Now I am not saying that if you are dating someone you let yourself go and all that stuff, I am saying that after a while kissing with lipstick gets messy. And if you are kissing with lipstick, your lipstick is not always going to be perfect. And if you decide the mess is too annoying so you opt out of "fuchsia flash" so you can kiss without the mess, well you are not single. I am single so I wear lipstick everyday and I love it.

5. You notice things- how vague is that statement hahaha. When you are walking through the mall in your little skirt and heels for work, you notice the guy sitting at the kiosk eyeing your legs and you notice the boys in the car next to you at the stoplight and you notice a particular boy favoriting your tweets repeatedly. When you are not in la la love land, reality strikes hard and fast and it is inevitable.

xoxo

Your Loss

Thanks @Baygermz 

xoxo

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-I'm better than you left me

-98% of the time colored eye shadow is a no

-I don't think it's fair to be able to miss someone who doesn't miss you

-Nordstrom Anniversary sale is Christmas in july

-I want someone in my life who makes saying goodbye a hard thing

-don't listen to songs that heavily carry memories
-Just looking for someone to cuddle and play board games with!!
-Sometimes I online shop for the house I don't have and get bummed when the total is $2000
-When you scratch your phone screen so you have iPhone 4 quality photos
-Just tryna find a boy to put my headphones in for me ya feel
-One time I was mad at a boy so I drove to the Dunkin' Donuts on Higley and Chandler Heights and I sat in my car and cried
-"Why would I hate the game... When I could hate the player"
-"Because I am the type of person who feels bad for serial killers"
-Are you ever DONE with boys one second then the next they're playing with your heart strings with their cute faces gosh
-"It seems we have no control whatsoever over our own hearts"
-Slut alert!!!!!!
-You don't just date someone "for fun"

-Why did 2011-2014 me feel the need to include every interaction with a boy in my journal hahahah "he said hi" "he waved"

-Sometimes I don't wanna do the grownup thing and talk about it sometimes I wanna sit and eat icecream until the pain goes away!!!!

-It just was nice to have someone to chat to all day you know

7 Signs You Are Falling For "The Bad Guy"

"When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is always easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize the prince charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair."

-Taylor Swift

Oh Taylor Swift, homegirl, can you have worded that any more perfect? I wish with all of my heart that when I start falling for a boy, I could have a fairy godmother who flies around me to warn me of my upcoming heartbreak and misfortunes. I mean how nice would it be to start crushing on a boy and you have a precious little white-haired fairy swirling around you to let you know that you are not the only one on his mind or that he does this to every other girl or that he is going to get sick of you and toss you to the side in a few months? I mean yes, humans can survive a breakup and learn a lot and blah blah blah, but still. It would be pretty cool to have a little "trailor" of what your upcoming relationship would be like- purely for the sake of saving the worst feeling of all, being heart broken. So here are 7 signs that you are falling for "the bad guy" aka a douche bag.

7.) You find yourself tweeting way too many "FMT" tweets with hopes that he will favorite them so you will have an excuse to text or DM him. I mean, at the start it's cool it's fine whatever, but if you're at the point where you guys talk pretty regularly, you should be able to start a conversation with him whenever you are feeling like chatting with him. Games shouldn't be necessary to grab his attention.  

6.) You make the awful mistake of going through his favorites on Twitter, first issue, but then you find out he's favoriting tons of girls "FMT" tweets, especially a certain girl or two's repeatedly. Possibly those girls are tweeting things to grab someone's attention (as mentioned in number 7) and possibly they're taking that "favorite" the same way that you are. Just saying, if I'm "talking" or whatever we call it to a boy, I best be the only girl he's "sliding into DM's" for, maybe I'm psycho but whatever. 

5.) He can never hangout on weekends, aka he doesn't want to bump hanging with friends, for being with you. I'm definitely not suggesting for a successful relationship you should be hanging out every weekend night and no friends ever (but I have never had a successful relationship so what do I know) I'm just saying that if the only time he can hangout is weeknights, or past midnight on weekends, you might be zooming right into the "friends with benefits" zone. 

4.) He comes with a huge-neon-flashing lights sign from your best friends (the ones who have your best interest in mind.) Now, people can surprise us girls, but often times when you tell a friend you're kind of maybe going out with this guy or maybe kind of making out with him and she gets that concerned look on her face which looks like she's also about to barf, maybe proceed with caution. Or, if you have friends who will flat out say "he's not a nice boy he's not nice to girls," don't take that lightly. I mean, don't judge by rumors, but sometimes a boy is only nice to a girl until he gets what he wants. 

3.) You have that "uneasy" vibe that every single darn bad guy gives off. This vibe he radiates, which is irresistible and mysterious and charming, is HUGE!! Pay attention to vibes- they do not lie. If you get the "vibe" he's with another girl or he's not telling the truth or anything, flat out ask him. Because here's the thing, he might be bugged you doubted him, but if he's not doing anything wrong he won't have anything to worry about. But if your vibe is right, which most of the time it is, calling him out can save many nights of tearful wallowing and icecream stuffing and Taylor Swift lip synching nights. Which can be fun, but eventually hurt- lots. 

2.) You guys make plans, but you're constantly worried about him bailing until he actually shows. I mean, maybe this is a little underlying fear in every girl or maybe I'm just paranoid that people find out more about me and do not want anything to do with me, but ok story time. Once upon a time I liked this boy and one time we made plans and he bailed- LAME right?! So I had to resort to playing games, like tweeting a picture of a friend at my local in n out just to make this boy jealous, when looking back I should have just called him out on being a flake and tell him that isn't okay with me and if he's interested he's gonna need to set aside like a little time for me, not too much, but a night here or there- because constantly after that night whenever that boy and I made plans I was afraid of him bailing on me. I never felt secure or safe- not a good sign.

1.) Dun dun dun duuuuuunnnnn! The number one sign you are falling for "the bad guy" is (for me atleast) that the boy wants to keep your relationship or thing or whatever is going on between you two, between you two. No matter the reason, if he has feelings for you he should not be ashamed to show you off!!! (Cue "Show You Off" courtesy of Justin Bieber) I don't mean like constantly snapping snaps of you when you're together or tweeting constantly to make sure the whole world knows you're together- which, if that's your thing, go for it- but I mean like if you're afraid to tell your best friend about what's going on because he wants to keep it a secret- that's not right, just not cool. 

xoxo

The Complete Package

Being told I am the "complete package" is like hooking up with an ex, so wonderful and fantastic in the moment I feel like I am on cloud nine- and then 20 minutes later I desperately regret it and kind of want to puke. Like, not gonna lie, it feels good to be told that I am everything a boy is looking for. That sounds cheesy and cliche, but cliches are cliches for a reason right? Plus, for some reason, as a human I just gain so much satisfaction from knowing that I am all a person wants. And although there is no set "complete package," for a person, it is nice to believe that I am the exception. Like it is super super awesome to think that I am the perfect balance of mysterious and cute and smart and funny- like wowza. Hearing the words "you are everything a boy dreams of," is SO COOL until you remember that boy has a girlfriend then it's like okay if I am the complete package to you, then are you just not a "complete package" type of guy? That translates to "you are the complete package but you're missing a piece of scotch tape over here and you have the wrong bow." Like are you more of a "gift bag" kind of boy, or is my bow just not glittery enough compared to hers?  So I am the complete package, but am I just not the right kind of wrapping paper? Like okay cool!!! It's like telling me I am the "complete package" is slapping on a thick layer of glitter sugar coating while being broken up with.

But something to remember, everyone brings their own package to the table. Someones complete package could not be enough for you, maybe they are perfect and shiny and have mastered the perfect bow but they are an awful dingy dollar store toothbrush on the inside. Or maybe, they have a battered packaging that repels you, but on the inside they hold a gift that is meaningful and it fills you up. I don't know much about anything really, but I do know that just as presents come in all different shapes and sizes, so do humans. So we, myself included, need to give people a chance- you never know what's under that wrapping paper, maybe it's a sour belt kind of boy. 

xoxo

Confessions

-I watched a full season of Grey's Anatomy in two days, and that's nothing compared to gossip girl last summer

-I know how much "my meals" all cost at my favorite food places. $7.44 at Chipotle, $6.03 at Panda, $5.26 at Chickfila, $4.23 at In n out

-People are disappointing

-One time a boy kept asking who I was with and I just sent him a link to "Jealous" by Nick Jonas

-I have about had it with everything today

-I got a new lipstick and I feel all "dark and twisty" (reference to Grey's from Shay) so I had a mini photo shoot- thank God for iPhones

-I have the palette of a 5 year old, one time at Disneyland I didn't know what I wanted so I ordered what the 5 year old in front of me in line was ordering

-I want to go to Disneyland with a boyfriend because I have a bomb af caption

-Not liking someone is exhausting and life draining, but sometimes it feels sooo good to let yourself be mad at someone

-I cry at songs, a lot actually

-Shay is probably my favorite person of all time today

-I am actually smart with boys, in my journal I have "DO NOT LIKE *said boy*" in all caps, and yet I was stupid and I did, but I was smart once

-Friday is "clean bathroom" day and I didn't do it

-I made a chore chart for myself, I already feel for my future children

-Sometimes living on memory lane is comforting and you try to move out of it but it is near impossible

-Girls who hook up with their exes are weak and I AM PRAYING FOR THEM

-My pal at the E-bar knows my order and I love it I feel so cool

Stats

July 16th 2015 stats of the moment:

Best smell: The smell of sunscreen lingering on your skin after the beach

Best sound: The sound of biting into a crisp apple- yum

Best place: Inside the arms of my boy!!!!!! Just kidding, the hammock laying in the front yard of my cabin

Best song: "Nice Guys" by Colbie Caillat

Best book: "The Summer I Turned Pretty" by Jenny Han

Best movie: "Confessions of a Shopaholic"

Best Hollywood crush: Patrick Dempsey- heckz yaaa

Best snack: Goldfish

Best memory: Using Kennady's birthday balloons to deliver them to a room, knowing it would be the wrong classroom so I could see my crush who was in that class

Best outfit: Purple J Crew skirt with "Happy Camper" tee accompanied by my favorite statement necklace and those cute Topshop heels that put my feet in agony but make my outfit killer

Best annoying person: You know who you are ;-)

Best current crush: Fun fact, as much as I love Gilbert and AZ I am currently not a big fan of Gilbert, AZ boys :-//

Best show to binge watch: "Grey's Anatomy" hands down, I watched a whole season in the space of two days- one of which I worked a nine hour shift so

Things Everyone Should Have

There are some things on this earth that as humans, we just need. And yes I just said "just," so Cosmo snapchat can suck it- just kidding I love them and I read Cosmo snapchat every morning before I get out of bed. I am a firm believer that there is more to life than black and white, as humans we do not just need food, water and shelter, no no no we are living, breathing beings with emotions and opinions and we are lucky to have those! Here are some "stuff" that every human should have.

-Best friend, firm believer in these suckers. Everyone needs to have someone to complain to when their mom is annoying, someone to cry to when their boyfriend is being hard to deal with, someone to laugh with when they walk into a trashcan in front of a crush. We all need that person.

-List of favorite things, always stored in the back of their mind just in case some random stranger comes up and asks "what is your favorite sound?" Well, random stranger, because I have thought of this I have an answer of "the sound of someone biting into an apple." I think it is good to have a list of "favorites" stashed up, one that you can always add to or change. Like a favorite smell is the smell of sunscreen hours later on your skin because that means you had a successful day in the sun, your favorite feeling is being done at the beach and you climb into bed with a good movie and your skin is still hot from the sun, like how your favorite kiss is the one that makes your body pull closer to that person and it clears all sense from your head and gives you goosebumps all the way to your toes. It is just an essential.

-That one good memory, just that one good moment that shines among the rest for when you're having the lowest of lows days and you need a perk up, or even when you're having a wonderful jolly good day and you want to bask in all of the good times you have experienced.

-A go-to comfort food, food is good. Also, side note, I am so fascinated that food and good do not rhyme but they totally look like they would. Anyway, for the days when you feel low and you are running on fumes, everyone needs their own comfort food. When I am really just roughin' it, I go to diet coke, and if I am sad I go to ben and jerry's, and after a hard day of work it is donuts- okay so maybe you don't need 3 comfort foods, but one will suffice.

-A darn good first kiss story, first kisses are my favorite!!! Whether your first kiss was on your front porch or a surprise risky one at a dance party or whatever, every first kiss is important and a good story. And then after your first kiss story, we have your first kiss with someone you truly liked. Because your first kiss with that one boy that melts your heart is always the best story and the one that means the most, and then you will live more of life and find a new boy who melts your heart in a different way and have a new first kiss story, with a boy that puts the stars in the sky for you. That's the beauty of kisses.

Code of Conduct

Being graduated brings a code of conduct. There's just some things that should be left in high school- past loves, snotty girls and math equation filled notebooks. Being graduated from high school carries a connotation, it's like an unspoken language that only graduates can speak and understand. The feeling is kind of a mixture of fear, contentment, excitement, confusion, and a whole lot of "I don't know," at least for me anyway. Anyhow, here's a fun list of some things that, personally, I think should be kept within the halls of high school.

-Tweeting all of your darnest feelings (which I am COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY GUILTY, CAUGHT RED HANDED, I DO IT AND I NEED TO STOP I KNOW)

-Texting girls for a late night hookup- I mean c'mon, we are graduated. At least offer to buy us fro yo to lure us in.

-Stirring up drama. I had a very low drama high school experience (for the majority really) but after my inch higher of seeing the world because I am graduated, I see people who spark drama for "fun" and it is annoying and old and pathetic

-Acting too cool to do something you love.
-Publishing your shiny and great life for everyone to see. Ok if I had a fast paced and exciting life where I had a super hot boyfriend who fed me licorice in bed and would watch Grey's Anatomy with me I would probably want to post that everywhere too, but let's be real here- no one does. So if exaggerating your life on Twitter compensates your lack of one for you, so be it. But guess what, I spend a majority of my nights watching Grey's Anatomy alone while rubbing my poor retail feet, and I love it and that's a cool life to me.
-Trying to get a girls attention by favoriting her tweets or "sliding in the DMs" or (my personal satan) PLAYING HARD TO GET. Fun fact- the girls you "want to get" don't want to play games. In high school games were fun- but now, games are annoying and a waste of time.
-Staying up all night. Ok in high school it was kind of fun to be like "yeah I was up until 4am watching One Tree Hill I love Nathan Scott" but now, staying up late is a pain because real life sets in and you have to be at work and actually do stuff, as opposed to sitting in class day dreaming about the cute boy in front of you and wondering when he will say "hi" to you, and wondering if you two will have sunflowers or peonies at your spring or fall wedding, only to be interrupted by a nagging teacher.

-Letting yourself be defined by how many likes your Instagram gets. Not gonna lie, I peed my pants when I hit 300 likes on my prom picture, but how is that going to get me to where I want to be in life- a Mormon MILF who drives her kids to dance and football and wears cute workout clothes and visits her husband at work while wearing Valentinos?

Is Cool

Do you know what actually really IS cool though? Having someone. Having someone to go to when you're just having one of "those" days and then to curl up with, someone to celebrate your highs with and to downplay your lows. It's cool to have someone to laugh with you and to tell you that you are their everything, having someone to kiss your nose and forehead and hand is cool. Having someone who will show up for you anytime anywhere with a smoothie and a kiss to mend your bad days, someone to grab your face and tell you that you are the cutest thing, just someone to be there. It's so cool to have someone who cares about you, someone who cares how your day is and someone who you care how their day is. Someone who you looks at you like they are the most fundamental thing in their life, someone who ignites your soul and who makes saying goodbye the hardest thing. It's cool to have someone in your life that you cannot stop thinking about all day, someone who makes you want to be a better person and someone who you can mend their soul. Having someone who fills you up with love and smiles and laughter, that is what is cool.

Just a thought.

xoxo

It's cool

I feel like "it's cool" is a response that can be used for many, many occasions- when things are in fact NOT cool.

-"Everyone has a plan, and I'm just over here like I'm moving 9000 miles away in 26 days but I have no idea what I'm doing after that or ever actually" "it's cool"

-"Let's just be friends" "it's cool"

-"I just like to try on every color and every size possible but only buy the camisole" "it's cool"

-"one day you will find the right guy, and when you know- you know" "it's cool"

-"I don't miss you" "it's cool"

-"we don't have any more zucchini bread" "it's cool"

-"I'm going to take your break for you" "it's cool"

-"forget about me" "it's cool"

-"I've actually been kissing other girls while I am telling you how much I miss you and how much you mean to me" "it's cool"

-"what I want and what I need are two different things" "it's cool"

-"I'm going to lead you on and then drop you like a hat" "it's cool"

-"I'm going to pretend like what we had didn't mean anything and be really hurtful to you" "it's cool"

-"I'm going to let everything remind you of me" "it's cool"

-"I'm going to flaunt my new relationship in front of you so it hurts like salt in the wound" "it's cool"

-"you will be going home with sore feet and tired eyes" "it's cool"

-"it will hurt a little less everyday" "it's cool"

-"no ma'am, Krispey Kreme does not deliver" "it's cool"

Fun Facts Friday

Some fun facts to add some flavor to your Friday.

1. Sometimes you need to have contention and feel annoyed before things can get better. You can't shove everything under the rug coated in a thick coat of "I'm okay, things will get better" if you actually want to be a healthy living person. Fun fact, I hate contention. I hate confrontation and conflict and feeling uncomfortable, but sometimes we have to face things that scare us before things can get better.

2. I have friends I don't deserve. My friends put up with a hella lot from me, from me ranting about my shopping habit one minute to feeling gray and down in the dumps the next because of a stupid boy the next, they put up with a lot and I am extremely lucky.

3. Working seven hours straight without a break actually is not that bad as long as you are doing something you love.

4. For some reason, when you are having one of those days when you are missing someone, EVERYTHING reminds you of that person. Like you can be driving down Higley road and you will go under a stoplight and think of that time when he grabbed your hand and smiled at you like you were everything right in his world, then you will remember how he told you how much he means to you, and  you will remember his scent and then you will be almost running that darn little light in the middle of a main road- like what you doing you do not belong there.

5. Someone can become your everything and that still will not be enough for them. We all deserve someone who our everything is more than enough for them.

6. I STINKING LOVE WHEN A BOY CALLS ME "CUTE" for some reason, that just gets me- even more than being called "Kenz" or "Kenzie." I think the reason for this goes back to a freshman year crush.

7. I've only had two Valentines. One was freshman year when a boy gave me a rose and asked me to be his Valentine, (but he also asked three other girls the same thing) and after he asked me I said "sure" then casually punched him on the shoulder and walked to my class. I think my doubt issues with boys started with him. The other Valentine broke my heart the week after Valentines day. But guess what, it is still my most favorite holiday.

8. Music heals, but music also brings out the hurt. 

9. Working retail in heels is the only thing that I think can hurt more than a breaking heart. Well and maybe having to say no to a sale off of sale sign in one of your *definite stores, because you have been on your 15 minute break for 35 minutes.

10. The greatest thing in this world is when a guy grabs your face before he kisses you.

*definite store: those stores that are STAPLES in your wardrobe. For example: Nordstrom, (of course) J Crew, Banana Republic and Anthropologie (when it is sale time) Aside from definite stores we have quickee stores, these are the stores that you do not purchase staple pieces from because these stores have fast fashion pieces that you cannot rely on for years, these are stores that you purchase from when your bank account is low but you have been wearing the same pair of jeans to work for a week. For example: Forever 21.

100 Ways To Say "I Hate You" ft. brooklynndee

1. "I ate the last piece"

2. "Hahaha k"

3. "I don't know if that would fit you"

4. "Are you sure you should eat that?"

5. "My mom has that top"

6. "Is that all that you did?"

7. "I'm pretty sure you didn't do that right"

8. "You kinda suck"

9. "You remind me of my ex"

10. "Maybe you should go to the gym instead"

11. "I wore that in junior high"

12. "My mom said no"

13. "You should have brought your own jacket"

14. "Oh, I didn't get you any. Sorry"

15. "Can you take a picture of us?"

16. "My mom said I have to come home and clean my room"

17. "You've gotten really pretty in this past year"

18. "Can you get a ride?"

19. "You've really filled out"

20. "My little sister would totally wear that"

21. "No, you're totally not ugly"

22. "He's just a really good friend!!!"

23. "I just don't want a relationship right now"

24. "Burn in hell"

25. "It's not you, it's me"

26. "No, he IS cuter in person!"

27. "Do you need a breath mint?"

28. "I can only invite a few people"

29. "You totally should have came last night!!!"

30. "Yeah that looks... nice"

31. "You look comfy today"

32. "You had to have been there"

33. "There's no more sorry"

34. "That was my last piece of gum"

35. "Cute army pants"

36. "Can we just be friends?"

37. "There's just not enough seats"

38. "You're pretty tall for a girl"

39. "There's someone else"

40. "No I was totally joking!"

41. "No I wouldn't ever do that to a girl I was dating"

42. "You're a nice guy"

43. "You have a good personality" 

44. "I don't miss you like you miss me"

45. "I didn't expect you not to find out"

46. "No she's just my friend!!!!"

47. "I'm just gonna hang with my bros tonight"

48. "Well it's not that you meant NOTHING to me..."

49. "It's more exciting if we don't tell anyone"

50. "You're just not what I want anymore" 

51. "If that's okay with you..."

52. "I just have different feelings now" 

53. "You weren't a mistake, just a surprise" 

54. "Please, tell me more I like listening to you complain really" 

55. "I just stopped liking you" 

56. "Your haircut is different!!!"

57. "Oh, you decided to wear that one?"

58. "You're not weird, you're unique"

59. "Beauty is on the inside"

60. "My grandma has that dress and she wears it as a nightgown"

61. "There's plenty more fish in the sea" 

62. "Are you sure that's your color?"

63. "Oh you did you nails by yourself?"

64. "Sorry I didn't get back to you I've been busy"

65. "It looks better on the mannequin"

66. "It's just not YOU, you know?"

67. "It's time to move on" 

68. "You can do so much better than him!"

69. "I just feel like staying in tonight"

70. "Everyone blossoms at different times"

71. "You just have baby fat"

72. "Sorry I missed your call I didn't have my phone"

73. "This is more of a one-person thing so"

74. "I just didn't want to lead you on"

75. "No you're a good weird!"

76. "Of course I was kidding"

77. "Your new haircut really helps slim your face"

78. "You are so photogenic"

79. "I wish I was confident enough to wear something so revealing and out there!"

80. "I would dress like you but I would rather spend the money on something else"

81. "I love how you don't really care what anyone thinks"

82. "You're so normal compared to the last person I dated"

83. "You're so cute, how are you still single?"

84. "I like how you're not really into the whole trendy thing"

85. "Mhmm"

86. "I just feel like being alone tonight, rain check?"

87. "You're not fat, you're just curvy"

88. "I have to ask my mom if that's okay"

89. "Maybe later"

90. "I would let you borrow an outfit, but I just don't think we are the same body type"

91. "I have to babysit"

92. "It's okay I am busy anyway"

93. "She's just so different than you"

94. "I miss her, help me get her back"

95. "Can we talk?"

96. "It's good that personal hygiene isn't on your urgent list"

97. "I got bored"

98. *kissing your new gf in front of an ex*

99. "We are more 'friend' material"

...

100. I hate you

Humans of New York

If I was ever stopped by the author of "Humans Of New York" I need to be prepared, and this is what I would say. I should probably start memorizing it now. I am crossing my fingers I would get a long caption, those are my favorite kind of posts.

"I don't have a disappointing past or a miracle of a story, but I can tell you about my blog, clearlykenzie.blogspot.com It's not people a pay me for wearing their clothes, or a look how good my life is kind of blog, its an emotional vomit kind of blog. I started it as a sass move on my ex because he told my tweets are "dumb and annoying." I get hate for my blog, because I am sassy and kind of a brat but I love it, it's my baby. I tell people my emotional thoughts and missing thoughts aren't about my ex boyfriend, but everyone knows they are- for a while at least. He was my first boyfriend, first love, and I am not the kind of person who takes that stuff lightly. I don't fall easily, but when I do I fall hard and it can take me a while to get back up from it. It is the typical good girl meets bad boy story, he broke my heart and the end. We will probably never see each other again because I am doing my thing and he is doing his, but I am waiting for the day when I find someone who fills me up as much as he did."

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-The louder the music is the less you can feel the pain

-"And I wish I could still wish it was over"

-Ok but just a low maintence girl with high expectations

-Ok but the thing is I spend more time shopping in men's clothing than women's so basically if any of you cuties need a personal shopper hmu

-Things are hard when you have an Anthropologie taste but a Forever 21 budget

-"His arms are sent from the gods" -Brooklynndee on the cutest most perfect human to walk this planet

-"Guys at your age are worthless" -My 56 year old great uncle. Ok but that doesn't make them any less cute!!!!

-Distractions are good until you need a distraction from your distraction

-Kinda miss that

-"'Cause you know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast?"

-So sick of goodbyes

-#TweetSomethingYouGetAlot "you're kinda cute for an Asian!" !!!!!

-Just the thought of you makes me need a diet coke asap

-The "wish you were with me" kind of missing is killer as compared to the "missing being with you" kind

-I need a new person to be my person

-Do you ever find yourself in an eternal state of depression because the Frye boots are $400 too much and you swore the heavens opened and angels were singing when you tried them on

-"There's not really any boys there your age though," OK I'M SOLD ON MALAYSIA PEACE OUT AZ

-You can bet your bottom dollar my kids will be running around in Wildfox kid sweaters and J Crew Socks and Hudson kids jeans, I don't mess with that Children's Place sh*t

-Give me that condescending "honey" or "sweetie" one more time. I dare you! Go!

The 5 Stages of a Breakup

So on my way home from a fun day of work and family festivities, the song "Mamas Broken Heart" by Miranda Lambert came on the radio and as I was singing my favorite lyrics of the whole song "go and fix your makeup girl, it's just a breakup," suddenly the list of songs that Brooklynndee and I are making titled "kick butt break up songs" popped into my mind and then I was envisioning Jack Donaghy's version of the 5 stages of grief, and this idea popped into my mind: there's stages of a breakup- duh. But then some funny ones that related to Donaghy's list popped into my head so I decided to devote a post to it. And yes I know every relationship and every breakup is so so different, and every relationship sparks different feelings and brings different things to the table, and everyone handles it differently in their own way, but this is just from my perspective, experience, and watching friends go through breakups.

After that deafening talk, or phone call or (in my case) text, I think we all go through a bit of a denial phase. Like a "oh this will pass" or "we will get back together tomorrow" or in my case, a denial phase where I don't tell anyone what is going on and when I feel myself start to cry I decide to go on a run. Whatever one's coping mechanism is, we all have gone through this. The part where the split doesn't quite feel real yet, where you are not letting the hurt get to your heart because you are still hoping you can mend your own heart. And I believe part of the denial portion is your ex texting "I miss you," and you have two choices: you can either be stupid and fall for an "I miss you" booty call at 10:30pm, or you can be strong and let your wall around your emotions continue to shoot arrows to guard your heart and tell him he needs to miss you during the day sometimes too, not just late at night when he's bored.

Corresponding song: "Over You" -Ingrid Michaelson

After the denial phase passes we have (a personal favorite) the anger phase. This is when you either realize he wasn't really missing you at 10:30 for the reasons you thought, and you realize that what he did was wrong and awful and it makes your blood boil and you can't even stand the thought of that boy. This is the phase where you pass him on the main road and you flip him off (oops), or you delete his number, or if for some stupid reason you still have his number saved, it is probably stored under something similar to "Satan's Spawn." We are all kidding ourselves if that at one point we have not had a group message filled with hilarious and unrealistic pranks to get the boy back that broke your heart, and if we have never wanted to burn all memories of him, and if we did not talk the occasional mean words about him to our friends. This is the most satisfying, for some reason, phase to me. Because for me it is easier to not want someone when I despise their guts. But this phase usually dies quick and we, unfortunately, move onto stage number three.

 Corresponding song: "Picture to Burn" -Taylor Swift

 I think Jack means this phase as something else, but to me this phase is where you start to miss his texts every morning, you miss how he would pull you in when you kiss and you miss him telling you that you are cute, even when you aren't. This is when you get up in the morning and put on your shortest shorts, your cutest top and do your hair perfect to make him miss you that much more. We have all done it, even if we don't want to admit it. You want to make him WANT you. And you will do whatever it takes, because at this point you still think you want him. At this point you don't realize you miss the memories more than him and at this point you still are broken and don't know if you can ever be fixed.

Corresponding song: "Want U Back" -Cher Lloyd

For when you realize he's not worth it, for when you realize maybe you have different feelings, for when you realize the promises he made didn't mean anything, for when you are just feeling like the color gray. This is when you realize that, in fact, a "broken heart" is not a metaphor, and you feel your body caving in and you don't want to feel happy or any emotion for that matter. This is when you miss the memories the most, you miss how he smells and walks and how he would smile at you, but you don't actually miss HIM. This is an indescribable feeling, and maybe only I feel it so it is completely made up, but you cry when you think of the good times and this is when you choose to erase the bad memories because the good ones are what keep you going.

Corresponding song: "Last Kiss" -Taylor Swift 

Ah the last and final stage, no matter the situation of the breakup, it does not matter who broke up with whom or if anyone in the relationship misses the other person, seeing an ex boyfriend or ex-person-you-had-a-stinking-"thing" with, is hard. To put it in easier terms, it is basically life shattering. But guess what, it is life shattering for maybe three seconds and then you actually can proceed with everything being fine. At this point, you are still "fine," you probably are still a little bitter and maybe sassy, but it's okay. Because after everything is fine, things get good. They have to, right universe? And when things get good, you realize you're actually a bomb girl and you know what you deserve and you actually have your confidence back. And maybe this is the stage where you just kiss boys for fun, I don't know really.

Corresponding song: "How To Be a Heartbreaker" -Marina and the Diamonds

---

Although Jack's list did not include this, I think after stage five there's one more thing- kind of like a cherry to top it off. This is when you are at peace, when you can look at the boy that once put the stars in the sky for you and your heart actually doesn't ache, you actually don't feel much. This is the part when you're ready, when you are open to the option of maybe letting a boy into your life (not a cupcake or black licorice boy of course) but maybe a boy who is the whole freaking Willy Wonka factory and he fills you up and makes you happier than you ever thought the last boy ever could.

Candy Crushes

Just as I believe every person has their spirit animal, every person has their spirit candy. The other day I was chit chatting with my good pal Brooklynndee and I forgot what we were talking about, probably how annoying all the boys in our lives are and how we need more nighties, but all of a sudden she said the most brilliant line, "I feel like salt water taffy is the candy you eat when there's nothing better. Friends are kind of like that, there's some people you just hangout with when you have nothing better to do, OH MY GOSH I AM THE SALT WATER TAFFY FRIEND" and ok can we agree that this is a common fear among humans? Because if not then I either over think things or I truly am the epitome of a salt water taffy friend. Also, maybe you don't want to admit it, but we ALL have that salt water taffy person in our life. Maybe it's someone we hangout with, maybe it's that person we always snapchat because SOMEONE has to see our cute selfies- whatever it is, we all have a salt water taffy friend.

Just like boys can be compared to cupcakes, let's do a fun little comparison to them as candy. Because boys are one of my most fav topics on this little emotional vomit page of mine, I bag on them a lot. But you know how in elementary school when a cute boy kept being annoying to you and making you roll your eyes, it was because he secretly loved you and that was his way of flirting? In this situation I AM THE IMMATURE LITTLE BOY, because I love love boys too much so I kind of make fun of them to make myself feel better. Plus I think it will make me want them less, it never does. Anyway, we have a few different kind of candy- we got the salt water taffy, the black licorice, the milk dud and then the sour belt.

Salt water taffy- as previously mentioned, this is the boy that you call when you need a confidence boost. This is the boy you send a cute snapchat to so that he will tell you that you look good. Just as you would never buy extra salt water taffy's to stuff in your pocket and eat for fun, this is not the boy that you wanna keep with you and actually see a future with.

Black licorice- I am sorry I personally am not a fan of black licorice and I do not understand how it is considered candy because it tastes like tar to me- like tar that they make roads out of. The black licorice boy is the boy that sucks you in, because red vines licorice is the yummiest thing everrrrr, he sweet talks you, he calls you "babe," he makes you feel like you're on top of the world, he has great hair, he has a sparkling smile and he makes you smile greater. But guess what- black licorice boy actually sucks. Black licorice boy is actually a manipulator who uses your innocence and trusting self to get what he wants, and he is just all a show. Just like black licorice is the last thing I would ever choose in a candy store, this boy is the last thing I would ever want in my life.

Milk dud- wow milk duds is one of my FAVORITE candy ever ever ever. The milk dud boy is not in fact a dud, he is everything you have ever dreamed for and more. He fills you up, he makes you happier than you thought possible, he just does everything right. But the sucky thing about milk dud boy is that once things start to get really good, like the good part of eating a milk dud, they start to go downhill- and downhill fast. And once all the chocolate-y goodness is gone, as is the good part of a milk dud boy, the milk dud gets sticky, and for a while you can not stop trying to unstuck the milk dud from your teeth. Just like the haunted milk dud boy, you can't get him out of your life and he seems stuck to you in the worst sense.

Sour belt- who doesn't love a good sour belt? Or anything sour in general, like war heads, mhmm. The sour belt boy is the best of both worlds, he is sour and spunky and mysterious- he leaves you wanting more. Yet, he still is sweet and soft which pulls girls in. The sour belt boy is the total package, he is super cute in every aspect, he is funny and a bit sourly sarcastic, and he is a total sweetheart but the sweetheart part isn't all gooey and gross because like I said- he is the best of both worlds. 

My People Are Important People

Are you ever just like having "one of those days" for like weeks now, and you are Ben and Jerry-d out, your bank account is empty (along with your soul) and what is the best way to mend that? FRIENDS. One of my favorite Taylor Swift quotes about friends and loyalty (yes I have Taylor Swift quotes stashed on my phone because I have a secret Taylor Swift Pinterest board) is "Loyalty is so important and it isn't easy because it ruffles feathers. You will not be universally liked if you are loyal to your friends because it means you will always pick their side. If your friend has a problem with someone, or someone is terrible to them, even if that person is nice to you, you're gonna give them a look. You're not going to go and take pictures with someone who's just been mean to your friend so they can post them on Instagram." I love love love that, and as my homie Shay states "What your problem is mine babe," whenever she lets me vent to her about annoying people. In the last week I have had lots of moments where my people just wow astound me because I have kick bomb people in my life, and I know I am bragging, but I just am so grateful for the people in my life because they put up with my sassy, dramatic and overly emotional self. Here are some super stellar moments:

-When Carson pulled up to a person (because of friend loyalty) that neither of us were too fond of, and she flipped them off. She has never met them, but she knows the pain this person caused me and she just stood up for me. And I like to think that person saw and was confused but realized they probably had done someone wrong somewhere in their life.

-How Amber will literally threaten me with the worst threats from man kind if I do something stupid like being friendly to someone super not friendly. She has my best interest in mind, and knows what I need when I can't realize it. She also tells me I look good in my snapchats and says "legs for dayssss" to me which makes me feel bomb.

-Shay will literally have the crappiest most awful terrible horrible day at her looong EVIT days, and she will still ask me how my days are and tell me that I am better than that stupid boy. She also has the friend loyalty thing DOWN TO A MF T.

-How Brooklynndee will SCREAM-SING in the car with me because I think that any car ride without singing is a wasted one. Honestly, what else are you supposed to do in the car, like when a song that I even semi know the words to comes on, I will bust a move and also have a full on karaoke sesh. It is just the best thing to have someone who will do that with you so you don't have to feel stupid alone.
-Bailee just GETS IT she just knows when I need some TLC. She is in freaking Paris and yet she knows exactly what I need to hear. I swear shes psychic. I don't think anyone has taught me to be more free, witty, caring and just all around a better person.

-Spencer aw he gives me boy advice which well I think I need more than food. He also tells me I will find that special someone which sounds cheesy but guess what I need to hear that.

-Paigie Lina comes and visits me at work at least twice a week and will hang out with me at work and let me play dress up with her so it looks like I am working. She has the best bod imagine able so it isn't hard, and it is so fun.

I have amazing and fun and caring people in my life and this is just a minuscule of things on the scale of awesome things- if that made sense. Like if the amazing qualities ALL of the people in my life have are all of the beaches on this earth, the things I mentioned are probably like a half of a grain of sand, that's how great they are. And how important people are, because people need people even when pride tells us we don't. It is always better to have someone, even if you wanna be alone, sometimes being alone with a friend laying next to you is the best route.