I've reached that point, I've reached that point where I love to reminisce on old stories and I love to make people listen to them. I'm basically your Great Aunt Marigold, I feel like pretty soon people will start avoiding me when I enter the room. I love to tell people my stories. I love stories. I love spilling the moments where I faked my age for a weekend, about the time I was super bold and snarky in Hawkhall to an ex, about my Proms, about the boys I have kissed- I just love memories. I love basking in them, I love enhancing my memories to fit my ideal image of high school. To me, stories are like Instagram posts. I remember the best of the best, and those are the times I tell people about. I saw this quote on Twitter today:
And then a dear long time friend texted me "do you ever miss high school," and this friend is the best kind of friend, because I do not have to fake feelings to be accepted by her. I simply said "yeah I do," and then we went into an in depth conversation (as deep as one can go over text) which ended up with me apologizing for talking so much about myself- which I often do.
I've been thinking about this a lot, how I miss high school yet in no way, shape or form do I wish to once again walk those halls as a student. I miss the good parts, I miss seeing friends in between passing periods, I miss having a crush on the boy in front of me in seminary, I miss getting boys to do my clay projects for me and I miss the routine that high school brings. However, I don't miss the stressful schoolwork, I don't miss seeing the boys I like parade their girlfriends in front of me, I don't miss that sinking feeling of not understanding math and I definitely do not miss the drama that being in high school brings. I think it is important that as humans we need to realize that we are going to miss stuff. We are going to miss situations, relationships, people and so much more- but it is possible to miss something without wanting it back in your life. I feel like we just assume when we hear a friend is missing her ex or a friend misses high school that they are sad and want whatever they lost back in their life, but I think it takes a lot of understanding to miss things, and not want to be back at that point in your life. It takes a lot of understanding to realize that some things in your life, while you miss them, are pure toxic to you. It's okay to miss things without needing them back in your space.
It is just weird to miss a time in my life where I so quickly wanted to escape from. I will be sitting on a beach in Phuket and get a weird feeling like "I kind of miss stuffing a Luna Bar in my face while I slam my breaks over the mt. Everest like speed bumps of Highland High to avoid yet another tardy in first period," like do I wish I was back there, instead of sitting on a beach sipping on a chocolate milk shake? For sure not. But little moments like that, for some odd reason, bring a happy memory to me. Like that was my life. My high school days were not (as much as I like to think they were) all football games and cute boys and dates every weekend, sometimes they were girl movie nights and closing shift at Nordstrom and pranking cute boys, and I miss that some days.
I was reading a journal entry from a while ago and I wrote something to the extent of "I miss my mom and my dad and my brothers, I miss amber and shay, I miss my dog- but missing things is good. Missing things means you have something in your life worth valuing." And I hold true to that statement today.
So I'm that lame person who misses high school. I miss a majority of my friends being in one central location for a large part of the day, but I miss it without wishing to go back. I'm grateful I miss it, I don't want to look back on my last 4 years and think of heartbreak and biology homework and snotty girls (which sometimes I do, and I for sure don't miss those) but I am grateful for the moments I do miss, the moments that I like to spill in detail to anyone that will listen.
It's okay to let ourselves miss someone, miss high school or miss the past- it means we once had something to cherish. And I am sure in 10 weeks and months and years I will miss what I am doing and experiencing now, it's just a cycle.
Xoxo
Mosiah 24:14
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