So on my way home from a fun day of work and family festivities, the song "Mamas Broken Heart" by Miranda Lambert came on the radio and as I was singing my favorite lyrics of the whole song "go and fix your makeup girl, it's just a breakup," suddenly the list of songs that Brooklynndee and I are making titled "kick butt break up songs" popped into my mind and then I was envisioning Jack Donaghy's version of the 5 stages of grief, and this idea popped into my mind: there's stages of a breakup- duh. But then some funny ones that related to Donaghy's list popped into my head so I decided to devote a post to it. And yes I know every relationship and every breakup is so so different, and every relationship sparks different feelings and brings different things to the table, and everyone handles it differently in their own way, but this is just from my perspective, experience, and watching friends go through breakups.
After that deafening talk, or phone call or (in my case) text, I think we all go through a bit of a denial phase. Like a "oh this will pass" or "we will get back together tomorrow" or in my case, a denial phase where I don't tell anyone what is going on and when I feel myself start to cry I decide to go on a run. Whatever one's coping mechanism is, we all have gone through this. The part where the split doesn't quite feel real yet, where you are not letting the hurt get to your heart because you are still hoping you can mend your own heart. And I believe part of the denial portion is your ex texting "I miss you," and you have two choices: you can either be stupid and fall for an "I miss you" booty call at 10:30pm, or you can be strong and let your wall around your emotions continue to shoot arrows to guard your heart and tell him he needs to miss you during the day sometimes too, not just late at night when he's bored.
Corresponding song: "Over You" -Ingrid Michaelson
After the denial phase passes we have (a personal favorite) the anger phase. This is when you either realize he wasn't really missing you at 10:30 for the reasons you thought, and you realize that what he did was wrong and awful and it makes your blood boil and you can't even stand the thought of that boy. This is the phase where you pass him on the main road and you flip him off (oops), or you delete his number, or if for some stupid reason you still have his number saved, it is probably stored under something similar to "Satan's Spawn." We are all kidding ourselves if that at one point we have not had a group message filled with hilarious and unrealistic pranks to get the boy back that broke your heart, and if we have never wanted to burn all memories of him, and if we did not talk the occasional mean words about him to our friends. This is the most satisfying, for some reason, phase to me. Because for me it is easier to not want someone when I despise their guts. But this phase usually dies quick and we, unfortunately, move onto stage number three.
Corresponding song: "Picture to Burn" -Taylor Swift
I think Jack means this phase as something else, but to me this phase is where you start to miss his texts every morning, you miss how he would pull you in when you kiss and you miss him telling you that you are cute, even when you aren't. This is when you get up in the morning and put on your shortest shorts, your cutest top and do your hair perfect to make him miss you that much more. We have all done it, even if we don't want to admit it. You want to make him WANT you. And you will do whatever it takes, because at this point you still think you want him. At this point you don't realize you miss the memories more than him and at this point you still are broken and don't know if you can ever be fixed.
Corresponding song: "Want U Back" -Cher Lloyd
For when you realize he's not worth it, for when you realize maybe you have different feelings, for when you realize the promises he made didn't mean anything, for when you are just feeling like the color gray. This is when you realize that, in fact, a "broken heart" is not a metaphor, and you feel your body caving in and you don't want to feel happy or any emotion for that matter. This is when you miss the memories the most, you miss how he smells and walks and how he would smile at you, but you don't actually miss HIM. This is an indescribable feeling, and maybe only I feel it so it is completely made up, but you cry when you think of the good times and this is when you choose to erase the bad memories because the good ones are what keep you going.
Corresponding song: "Last Kiss" -Taylor Swift
Ah the last and final stage, no matter the situation of the breakup, it does not matter who broke up with whom or if anyone in the relationship misses the other person, seeing an ex boyfriend or ex-person-you-had-a-stinking-"thing" with, is hard. To put it in easier terms, it is basically life shattering. But guess what, it is life shattering for maybe three seconds and then you actually can proceed with everything being fine. At this point, you are still "fine," you probably are still a little bitter and maybe sassy, but it's okay. Because after everything is fine, things get good. They have to, right universe? And when things get good, you realize you're actually a bomb girl and you know what you deserve and you actually have your confidence back. And maybe this is the stage where you just kiss boys for fun, I don't know really.
Corresponding song: "How To Be a Heartbreaker" -Marina and the Diamonds
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Although Jack's list did not include this, I think after stage five there's one more thing- kind of like a cherry to top it off. This is when you are at peace, when you can look at the boy that once put the stars in the sky for you and your heart actually doesn't ache, you actually don't feel much. This is the part when you're ready, when you are open to the option of maybe letting a boy into your life (not a cupcake or black licorice boy of course) but maybe a boy who is the whole freaking Willy Wonka factory and he fills you up and makes you happier than you ever thought the last boy ever could.
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