I Was Really Sad At A Boy

One time, I was really really sad at a boy (shocker I know) and so, when in doubt doughnut it out right? This was smackdab in the middle of Assassins week, so I was staying far away at my dad's house and I was sad at this boy, every fiber of my being kind of felt like a big frowny face. 

So I told a little white lie, I told my dad I was going to Paigie's house and visit for some reason I can't even remember, and I drove all the way down Higley road until I found a Dunkin Donuts on Chandler Heights road, I got a chocolate covered donut with sprinkles and I parked in the nearby parking lot and I sat and cried. I do not even think I ate my donut, I just laid my chair back with my top down of my convertible bug and cried. This is an important moment to me. I don't know why, but it constantly pops in my head. I think it is important because this is when I realized it is important to be okay with not being okay. Because sometimes (a lot) boys are sucky, like your boyfriend telling you that he is telling people he is gonna hook up with another girl for the sake of the game kind of sucky, and sometimes you are lonely from hiding inside because of a stupid game and sometimes everything gathers up like a storm and that storm has to hit. 

One time, I was really sad at a boy. I was sitting in a fireside and I found out some sad news and I just got up and left. My sweet friend next to me was probably so confused and I had some explaining to do to him later, but I just left. The storm was too much. 

I got in my cute little bug and I drove down Higley road, I drove until I hit mountains, I drove until my tears covered my eyes and I couldn't see out of them anymore. This, like the when in doubt doughnut it out moment, is an important one to me because this is when I realized that you can do everything you can and get your hopes up and wish upon every 11:11 and blow on every eyelash, but you can't make someone want you. Sometimes people feel things for other people, and we as humans just have to be okay with that. We have to accept it, we don't have to like it, but we have to accept it because if we don't, if we sit in the fireside like everything is okay then the storm cannot pass, it can not calm, it will get louder and darker and windier and it will hurt that much more when it explodes.

One time, I was really sad at a boy. And so I started to shop like I have never shopped in my life, like ever. I mean I love new clothes- I love the new smell they all carry and I love walking out of a store with a shiny new bag and wrapping paper and oh gosh the feeling of coming home and laying out all that you have purchased is exhilerating really, but this got bad. This is when I realized that to make myself feel better I would go to the mall and hit my favorite store and spend maybe $30 in each store, until I had like 5 or 7 or 10 favorite stores. 

When I was lonely I would buy things, I began to love to spend money. This is one of the moments when I realized how important people are. Yes, a cute new mini skirt that makes my legs look oh-so-good is so so awesome in the moment, but in 4 months when I have worn it 20 times I will want a new one, but in 4 months when I am happy I will still have my best friend to be happy with me. This is when I noticed that if I have $11 in my bank account I can't go shopping, but when I have $11 in my bank account I can still laugh and cry and be with pals.

xoxo