Do and Do Not Do of Senior Year

The words "senior year" have a tender effect on my heart. It's nostalgia and happiness and sad and change and tears all mixed in weird feeling inside my heart. If there is one word to describe senior year, for me it is "change." Friends change, plans change, wants and needs as a student, friend and human change. At least for me they did, rapidly. I haven't gathered too much wisdom after being graduated for maybe 3 1/2 months, but there's some "stuff" that I just think is important when you're a senior in high school. For most people, this is the first time in your life where something is permanently ending. If a year ago someone would have told me that in this short span of time I would loose and gain so many friends, or that I would fall for a stinkin' boy and spend nights crying over him, or that I would be spending 4 months across the world saying goodbye to my mom and friends, I would say that they are crazy and need to stop the drugs and probably give them a lesson on the Word of Wisdom because whatever they were taking to tell me these things are not healthy for them. I love all my friends exactly how it was, boys didn't notice me or talk to me, and I would be starting at a university in the fall. Change is inevitable.

Senior year is hard, it is hard because there is a lot of expectations. You have to know where you're going for college, know who your senior prom date is, know you are going to be saying goodbye to a lot of people and you're expected to be okay with that. This is just a little list of some "Do and Do Not Do's" that I have thought of recently:

-Always DO kiss the boy. It doesn't matter if he doesn't notice you, it doesn't matter if you are scared, it doesn't matter what is going to happen the next day at school, after you're graduated you will be gloriously happy that you kissed him. All you need is a burst of insane courage, a friend to take your gum in your mouth, and a crush standing there for a memory that you will laugh back on for the rest of your life. Go up and kiss him and run, go in for the kill and do it. I promise you will regret more things you don't do, than the things you actually do.

-Please DO NOT ever think "there is nothing to do in Gilbert," so you spend the night bumming around, throwing a little pity party because GILBERT IS SO BORING. BLAH BOO HOO LIFE IS SO HARD. Go out and watch stars with friends, have a slumber party with popcorn and ice cream, go *kiss and ditch a boy, ask your crush to walk around Downtown Gilbert, go to the drive ins, go to get dessert at a fancy restaurant in Scottsdale so you can get dressed up with all of your friends. I wish I would have spent more nights doing the lame things, rather than wishing that Gilbert wasn't so lame.

-DO go to the dance you don't get asked to, DO go with a group of gal pals because  *surprise* dance parties are fun! But please DO NOT not go to a dance because the boy you wanted to ask got asked, because guess what, one time I did that and I spent the night ALONE while all of my friends, including my crush, were at a dance, where the boy I had a crush on was dancing with another girl, and I was spending my night walking around Target. Being left out sucks, no one should willingly do it.

-Definitely DO talk to everyone in your classes, because guess what, in a few short months you will never see these humans again so get to know as many people as you can, because people need people and people are cool and being friendly is a good thing, really.

-DO NOT skip spending time with family or friends because you need to do a project for school or finish homework, this one is hard to explain in words, but you can do homework when you get home at midnight. Pull an all nighter to finish the project and trudge through school the next day, who cares, you got to hangout with a friend, a friend who you do not know how much longer they will be living in the same state as you.

-For the sake of what is good and holy, DO talk to that cute boy next to you in class. DO catch onto his hints that he is crushing onto you too, and DO let yourself like him. Let your guard down, let yourself make him the sunshine of your life because it feels good and you feel happy. Let yourself feel blue when you break up, it is just part of it all. But DO NOT go up to him and his new girlfriend in the middle of the hall and say "wow cute couple," because you are feisty af, actually DO do that, if you can handle his wrath afterwords. Whatever, you do, just DO make memories. 

-Last little bit, I am sure everyone has heard this, is DO go to every football game, DO go to In N Out after that football game, DO go to the dance party, DO dress up for spirit week, DO participate in Senior Grad Nite, DO include everyone in your class because that is what ends up mattering the most. DO NOT think you are too cool or that is too lame, because the "lame" stuff is the stuff that brings a smile to your face. Dare night seems lame? SO WHAT. Wearing PJ's to school seems lame? SO WHAT? The lame stuff actually isn't lame at all, it is what creates the most lasting memories.

xoxo

*Kiss and ditch is not a term to toy with a boys heart by leading him on then dumping him, it is where you call a boy and say "hey (insert crushes name) come outside I have a surprise for you," and then you and your friends drive to his house and as he gets out so do you, and you run up and plant a big one on him. Then you maybe smile really cutely and say "see ya bud," and sprint back into the car and have your friends drive away. 

If You Were A Store

I love categories, I love talking about categories of people and traits, like astrology- that kind of stuff I love because I love reading about myself. Lame I know. But anyway, I feel like I have lots of categories for boys. I mean there's different kind of cupcake boys or different kind of candy boys, but what about girls. There's lots of kinds of girls just like there's lots of kinds of stores.

-We have Nordstrom. Oh Nordstrom, I love you I really do. Nordstorm is the dependable girl, Nordstrom is the store that if you need anything odds are that it has it. And if it doesn't it will sell you something else to add to your closet. The Nordstrom girl is always there when you're down or up, she is there will cookies and a hug and a box of tissues when that stupid boy dumps you and she's there with a yipee and a skip when you get into the school of your dreams. 

-Then we have Forever 21. Hahahaha I am not a fan of Forever 21, not because I feel like I am above it (which I am not because I do own a few items from there!) but I personally just am not a fan of their company, their fast fashion sense of business and their crappy quality of clothing, but Forever 21 is like that friend that when you need a night of fun, they are there. The Forever 21 girl is the girl that steals boyfriends, she has a nice little fake bake, and she is just kind of nasty. She is who she is, but probably watch out because she is a shark.

-Of course, we have Anthropologie. The Anthropologie is the girl that is the girl of all girls, she is always nice and kind and never says a mean word, to any one's face at least. On the outside, Anthropologie is pretty and smells good and it makes your heart flutter, but when you go deep, like to the price tags, you feel a stab to the heart. Shopping at Anthropolgie comes at a high price, just as being friends with an Anthropologie girl comes with its own kinds of risks. Beware, because if she is talking nasty with you about another girl she probably is doing that about you, with someone else.

xoxo

I Was Really Sad At A Boy

One time, I was really really sad at a boy (shocker I know) and so, when in doubt doughnut it out right? This was smackdab in the middle of Assassins week, so I was staying far away at my dad's house and I was sad at this boy, every fiber of my being kind of felt like a big frowny face. 

So I told a little white lie, I told my dad I was going to Paigie's house and visit for some reason I can't even remember, and I drove all the way down Higley road until I found a Dunkin Donuts on Chandler Heights road, I got a chocolate covered donut with sprinkles and I parked in the nearby parking lot and I sat and cried. I do not even think I ate my donut, I just laid my chair back with my top down of my convertible bug and cried. This is an important moment to me. I don't know why, but it constantly pops in my head. I think it is important because this is when I realized it is important to be okay with not being okay. Because sometimes (a lot) boys are sucky, like your boyfriend telling you that he is telling people he is gonna hook up with another girl for the sake of the game kind of sucky, and sometimes you are lonely from hiding inside because of a stupid game and sometimes everything gathers up like a storm and that storm has to hit. 

One time, I was really sad at a boy. I was sitting in a fireside and I found out some sad news and I just got up and left. My sweet friend next to me was probably so confused and I had some explaining to do to him later, but I just left. The storm was too much. 

I got in my cute little bug and I drove down Higley road, I drove until I hit mountains, I drove until my tears covered my eyes and I couldn't see out of them anymore. This, like the when in doubt doughnut it out moment, is an important one to me because this is when I realized that you can do everything you can and get your hopes up and wish upon every 11:11 and blow on every eyelash, but you can't make someone want you. Sometimes people feel things for other people, and we as humans just have to be okay with that. We have to accept it, we don't have to like it, but we have to accept it because if we don't, if we sit in the fireside like everything is okay then the storm cannot pass, it can not calm, it will get louder and darker and windier and it will hurt that much more when it explodes.

One time, I was really sad at a boy. And so I started to shop like I have never shopped in my life, like ever. I mean I love new clothes- I love the new smell they all carry and I love walking out of a store with a shiny new bag and wrapping paper and oh gosh the feeling of coming home and laying out all that you have purchased is exhilerating really, but this got bad. This is when I realized that to make myself feel better I would go to the mall and hit my favorite store and spend maybe $30 in each store, until I had like 5 or 7 or 10 favorite stores. 

When I was lonely I would buy things, I began to love to spend money. This is one of the moments when I realized how important people are. Yes, a cute new mini skirt that makes my legs look oh-so-good is so so awesome in the moment, but in 4 months when I have worn it 20 times I will want a new one, but in 4 months when I am happy I will still have my best friend to be happy with me. This is when I noticed that if I have $11 in my bank account I can't go shopping, but when I have $11 in my bank account I can still laugh and cry and be with pals.

xoxo

All Exposed

Maybe I have been watching too much Greys where they spit out metaphors at ya like those annoying sales people at the kiosks throwing samples at you, but because I like to compare one thing to another-  so here we go.

That moment when you're about to step in the shower, your body is cold and you are exposed, you are looking at the shower, at what you know is coming next and what you hope is warm and fuzzy and covers your body in warm and soapy bubbles, is like the moment when you're about to fall for a crush. It is like the tip of the iceberg, really. Right at that moment before hopping in the shower you are exposed, just like that moment when you let your guard down, you are exposed. You are trusting, you are scared, you are willingly letting someone else control part of your happiness. How twisted does that sound, yet it is what we all desire. We have three outcomes really:

1.) The shower is perfect. The water, oh gosh, the perfect temperature. The shampoo spits out the shampoo in that perfect little dollop and it bubbles in your hair just perfect. You don't get any cuts on your legs from your razor, and your new shaving cream smells better than that cute boys hoodie. You leave feeling clean and refreshed and sparkly.

2.) The water makes you jump out with a quick scream, leaving you more cold because now your body is cold and wet. The cold water sends icicles down your spine and you refuse to take another step into that shower until you are convinced you are developing hypothermia and you have to get back in the (hopefully) warm water to save your soul.

3.) That yummy looking shower, with steam coming out from the top, is merely a result of underestimating the power of your hot water knob and you jump in, with blind faith, only to feel your skin boiling from the sharp and burning water. You stick through it because your skin will get used to it, however you find out that you're out of shampoo and also you cut your knee shaving and also your forgot to get a towel ready after your shower, so you are running across you room, your body in shock from hot to cold in a millisecond, searching for a towel.

Like the shower, we have three outcomes for falling for a new crush:

1.) He reciprocates feelings. He tells you that you are everything he needs and no one has ever made him feel this way before (which he has probably told to a million other girls, so how many ways can he really feel???) but anyway, you are happy. You are in a deep deep like and he gives you butterflies and he loves to be with you. He has perfect hair and a smile that makes your insides feel like a melty Popsicle in July in Arizona.

2.) He seems like he feels the same way, I mean he says it, but for some reason he doesn't want to hangout with you and his friends, and he really wants to keep whatever is going on between you two, because it is more exciting that way really (red flag!!! (Please refer to 7 Signs You Are Falling For The Bad Guy)) and he just wants to hangout when it is convenient for him, but I mean he is what you need (like a shower, even if it is cold right) so you will take it, but every fiber in your being is telling you that you deserve more, like a luke warm shower at least.

3.) He completely shuts you down with a "thanks" and a "good job sport *pats on back*" kind of feeling, ouch. And you just wanna shake his cute little head and say that you are the sun in this mess of stars and that you would be so good together and that you know he likes you too, but you let it go because he is unhealthy for you, poisonous probably, or at least that's what you have to tell yourself to keep yourself from wanting him more.

xoxo

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-I think I might miss all of my clothes the most
-Do you ever get goosebumps just thinking about someone
-The thing is, I have double the dads and double the moms so that means if you break my heart then that's double the dads that want to shoot you and double the moms to talk crap about you at lunch group
-If Draco Malfoy had a twin sister that would be you- inside and out
-I still get butterflies when a cute boy favorites my selfie!!!
-I have this really annoying talent of knowing how much everything that everyone is wearing costs
-Aw sad!!!!!!!
-Do you ever just wanna @ someone but you don't wanna stir up drama but also you are in a different continent so :-///
-When you wanna online shop but you live on an island
-Ur second best
-Ok but just really grateful for good friends
-"You're cute even when you don't try to look cute" was my favorite thing to hear
-If I'm not tweeting about how much I love my life do I really love it???
-"This song reminds me of you" is always top ten compliments, unless the song is something like "forget you" by Cee Lo Green then probably not
-Missing people sucks but it also is a sign that you have something in your life worth living for
-Can feelings stop being a thing
-It's raining and I was supposed to go to the beach today and I haven't been this distraught since March 24th
-When you get stood up for a FaceTime call (@@@ Shay)

-Don't be that person to post videos of you singing, unless you're Lauren Case then post more, otherwise keep it to yourself

Boys Are Harder To Resist Than Biscuits

We as humans have that cool little voice inside of our head, telling us what is wrong and what, we think, is right. It eggs us on to keep going to will try to pull up to a harsh halt. Here's a fun few moments where that voice speaks to me, and I refuse to listen.

-When I am trying my darnest to eat healthy so I can come back to America with a smokin' bod, but I find myself reaching for my second biscuit. As I am sliding my hand into that fogged up container that holds a fluffy and warm and downright delicious biscuit that every ounce of me is craving, that stinking little voice is yelling at me "DO NOT DO IT, STAY AWAY FROM WHITE BREAD AND BUTTER. DO NOT DO IT," Yet, here we are, twenty minutes later and I am stuffed full with not one biscuit but two. Perfectly satisfied, completely and utterly regretting it.

-When I start to like that boy that is all wrong for me. When everything about him is calling my name in a glowing Beyonce-isk voice. Like his drug addicting smell, his crooked smile, his dopey silly eyes, the way my skin electrifies when he touches me, it lures me in probably more than that stinking yummy biscuit. That same voice is screaming in my ear "HE IS POISON HE WILL DISAPPOINT AND BREAK YOU HEART," but I don't care. I know that if I let myself fall for his tricks I will end up broken and shattered and have to learn to rebuild myself again, but I also know as much as I resist I will not stop myself for falling for him. Boys are harder to resist than biscuits.

-When it is 3am and yet another Greys Anatomy episode concludes, and I am sleep deprived but I NEED TO KNOW will Doctor Shepherd save the poor patient or will he have to add yet another failed case to his list?! That little annoying voice in my head is whispering in it's tired and faded talk "Go to bed, it is time, Doctor Shepherd will be here tomorrow." So, I turn it off, then approximately three minutes later I open up my laptop so the screen illuminates my room and I watch the next episode, plus someone just started to code so I have to watch.

xoxo

Current State of The Union

In:

-Wearing your sunglasses in every Twitter selfie because it is always sunny in Doucheville, obviously

-SELFIES AND I LOVE SELFIES EVERYONE POST SELFIES

-Apparently not keeping one's word! Let's get a big cheer for man kind

Out:

-Binge watching Greys :-( I have a massive headache right now, I need to build up more stamina

-BUBBLE NECKLACES, I do not know how girls somehow keep being able to find a bubble necklace in this day and age, but somehow a select few are able to find the accessory piece that is similar to shards of a soda can to dangle off of their neck, invest in some new jewelry please

-Liking to eat healthy, no one likes to do it or wants to do it. "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" I CALL BLUFF because I highly doubt that the person who stated that awful saying has tasted Baskin Robins 31 Flavors "Oreo Cake" icecream, it is breathtaking