How To Lose A Girl In 10 Days

Last night, I was watching the ultimate chick flick "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days," and that is a favorite of mine for several reasons: Big fan of Kate Hudson-her arms are inspiring, I yearn for Andie Anderson's job so badly, I feel like it is one of the few films where the couple that falls in love actually look like they are the same age- a big deal to me, like I love "The Proposal," but sorry Sandra Bullock you look like you could be Ryan Reynolds' super cool aunt who is as old as his mom- this movie is just hilarious, and the characters are relate able- in the sense that everyone envisions themselves as the sultry, sexy and desirable Andie, while really you are Michelle who likes to call in the middle of the night to tell her boyfriend everything she ate that day.

This movie inspired a thought, what are the most annoying, irritating and downright awful decisions boys make when trying to get the girl? Basically, a guide of How To Lose A Girl In 10 Days, here we go:

10. Playing Hard To Get: Here's the deal, if you want to be desirable to a girl, do not make it sound like you have 7 side hoes waiting for you to beep her, because that makes the girl angry and loose interest. Do not make her text first when you want to hangout with her. Never try to make a girl jealous because it will only backfire, and she will be on another guys arm before you can dial your second side hoe.

9. Kiss Then Diss: This kind of goes along with playing hard to get, but if you really like a girl, and you finally get the guts to kiss her, text her after you guys hangout or the next day just to let her know that you had a good time and that you think of her more than a late night kiss. It is so hard as a girl to tell if a guy is being with you because he has feelings or if he's just trying to hookup, so make your intentions clear before she gets mixed signals and finds another boy who will tell her what his intentions are.

8. Being Clingy: I know I know, I just said do not play hard to get but don't be clingy so basically be the average guy who is sensitive but a bit rough and also has good style but not too feminine and likes to hold your hand but won't make out in public- the perfect guy! Easy! Next! But really, pay attention to how the girl is feeding off of what you say. If she seems annoyed and creeped out by your 7 tries to hangout, then maybe back off and take a breather and reassess the situation. 

7. Wear Basketball Shorts To The First Date: Enough said.

6. Playing Games: So on average, guys are annoying like roughly 89% of the time, however, guys that play games become annoying 100% of the time. Story time! One time, this kid confessed his like for me, like like not just like, then like two days later he was "making jokes" about how he has all these side girls and crappy stuff, and it was a major turn off. Of course I knew he was kidding because who needs a side hoe when they have me, naturally, but I was so bugged and it made me feel like crap. Cut the games, lay it on the table, and just be you.

5. Be On Your Phone While Hanging Out: If you want to tell a girl she is not worth your time and you would rather be with your friends then hanging out with a girl who wasted makeup and shaving her legs for you, without outright saying it, be on your phone while you hangout with her.

4. Act Different Around Your Friends Than Around Your Girlfriend: I mean, yes you are not going to talk to your girlfriend about video games and sports- because that's only what guys talk about, right? But it sucks, and is a major red flag when a guy is one way around his girl and a completely different person around "bros," it is frustrating and unattractive. Unless you are Jake Gyllenhaal, then you are always attractive.

3. Being Wrong And Not Accepting it: Girls are always right, I am sorry to say it so bluntly but it is true. If your girlfriend says 2+2 is 7, then it is 7. Okay that is a bit extreme but when you are in a fight, just let her be right and you can complain about it to your Black Ops pals late in the night when she is asleep.

2. Lead Girls On: When guys lead girls on with the simple phrases "this time it is real," or "I have never felt this way before," or "you are my kind of different," after like a two week period because he is trying to get a good some good car sports action- phrase thanks to Tina Fey in her novel "Bossypants," I highly recommend it to all, then they are the wrong kind of guys and these kind of guys should be cast out to a far away island, also guys who only text at 1am are also banished to this island. Just do not make her think there is a future, when you have no intentions of providing her that future. It is hard for girls to open up to a guy, and once that gate of emotion is open, it is even harder to shut it because he simply "changed his mind" or "got bored."

1. Bail On Her: No girl likes to be told "I am sorry I am so busy I just cannot make it tonight" because in girl language that translates to "you are annoying, fat and ugly and I do not want to waste my time with you because I would rather watch sports on TV and text other girls" or "I am hanging out with a girl who is ten times better than you and her coolest trait is not eating a complete dozen of Krispey Kreme doughnuts in under four minutes flat," either way, you better be on your freaking death bed in the hospital hooked up to life support, and saying my name with your last dying breath before you bail on me. I am not saying a guy should take her girl out to a five star restaurant and dancing every night, while it is nice to be treated every once and a while, but when a girl has plans with a guy she is looking forward to being with him. If you are too tired from work, I bet she is more than happy to watch a movie on the couch, munching on popcorn and holding hands. Bailing on a girl is the most heart wrenching thing a boy can do to a girl, it almost lines up with cheating on your girlfriend really.

Now, every girl is different. Some totally dig the clingy type and some want a guy who wears basketball shorts and owns it, to each his own. Do I sound scholarly because I use an overused phrase probably from a book or poet from like 4,000 years ago? Because I am pretty impressed myself. Enough self praise about me, I know I am funny and pretty and every guys' dream, stop please, this is embarrassing! But for real, basically do not be a jerk and be a nice guy who calls the next day.

xoxo

When You're Single

I love this time of year, but really who does not. I will tell you who, those who are sick of being single.

However, I choose to look on the bright side, and although living in the single lane kind of sucks like a lot, there are some plus sides. 

But holidays are always a thousand times more cherished when you have someone to be thankful for at Thanksgiving or to kiss on New Years or to go out with on Valentines day- that is just how it is.

Fun things to do when you are in a relationship over the holidays:

-Go ice skating (if you're into that kind of thing)

-watch cheesy Hallmark movies

-build gingerbread houses

-go work at a soup kitchen for the day aw

-holding hands

-looking at Christmas lights

-breathing

-shopping for your significant other

-family parties

-living in general

-baking festive delicacies

Fun things to do when you are single over the holidays:

-eating at Paradise Bakery because you can eat both of the "buy one get one free" cookies

xoxo

Life Is Too Short

Life is too short to:
-not get 2 for $3.33 sausage and egg mcmuffins from McDonalds at 11pm
-clean your room rather than hangout out with friends
-put your dreams on a temporary hold
-cry over crappy boys who don't care (!!!!!!)
-wear ugly shoes
-not kiss the boy
-hold yourself back because of the risk and the fear
-dress like your days aren't numbered
-"I'll call my mom later"
-not text first because you don't want to seem clingy
-never make it to Disneyland
-wait for things to happen to you
-avoid confrontation because you are avoiding conflict
-start running "tomorrow"
-drink flat Diet Coke
-take a vacation and decide to build a house on memory lane
-not call back
-do the slow fade
-not love the people in front of you

ps. fav quote of the week "I am a ten cow kind of girl and I deserve a guy who has ten cows to give."

stay sassy
xoxo

How A Relationship Starts vs. How It Ends

Because I have had a vast experience with relationships, and because I consider myself able to diagnose problems from watching an accumulative 16 seasons of Greys Anatomy (I restarted it) I have come to a medical conclusion, that for some reason boys are wired to get over breakups differently than girls do. Medical breakthrough! Spread the word! 

But jokes aside, it is the harsh truth.

When a relationship is blooming, it looks a little like this:

Happy, go lucky, hopeful really. Like oh look at this cute boy in front of me who will no doubt break my heart and cause me heartbreak to no extent, but he is cute so I will take it. And then the break up comes, whether initiated by the girl or the boy, and life looks a little like this:

Confusing and crappy and catastrophic. Because that boy who once was the shining beacon of you day, the boy who would wake you up with good morning texts and whose hugs seemed to cure all of the impurities in your world no longer has the right to hear the best parts of your days and you can no longer always count on one of his kisses to melt the pains of everyday life away.

So here's what I am getting at, when a couple splits, the girl (sorry to stereotype ladies) cries, she beckons her friends over and they trash talk the boy and eat trashy food and watch trashy movies. That is how she starts to cope, but guys, ugh, they cover their bleeding hearts with finding a new girl. Someone new to kiss and to take on dates, that is how he pushes his past love out of his life. I see this happen to friends over and over again, and it sucks. It sucks because why can't guys just cry and be emotionally unstable like girls? I haven't rewatched enough Greys Anatomy to know the answer to that question, but I do know that the boy is hurting too.

So to all of you ladies watching your ex beau hit up the town post break up while you're in bed with your favorite pair of fuzzy socks, just know that your boy who once gave you butterflies but now you want to run over his perfect hair with your car is not the only guy who copes this way, they all do it at some point. And being "friends" with your ex is a load of crap, because either you guys are hooking up or that's basically it. No one at this stage in our lives is grown up and mature enough to calmly look an ex in their eyes and just "be friends," but maybe we will grow up enough to get that way. Or not, maybe life is supposed to suck for all exes. I will let you all know when I figure it out. Until then, have fun being the crazy ex girlfriend.

xoxo

Giving Much Thanks

Things I am grateful for that I never imagined I would be grateful for:
-That my life is not the same it was a year ago, and that I am not the same person
-Happy couples
-My trials
-Friends that give me a hard time
-Boys that are not clingy
-Sweet potatoes
-I am not right about everything
-Tears
-Decisions are hard
-The people who decided to walk out of my life
-Those who fought to stay in my life
-The roads in Gilbert
-The fact that it is okay to not be okay
-Hugs
-Those people who don't let you be alone when you think you need to be
-Hard times, because they make the good times shine that much brighter
-Justin Bieber's new album
-Being told I am missed
-The fact that love isn't what I envision it to be
-People change, circumstances change, ideals change

xoxo

Back At It- Carpe Diem

I am that kind of person that needs a reminder. I need to set alarms in my phone to remind me to stop my Spotify Premium membership (which I still have not done gosh darn) and I need constant reminders from friends and family that everything works it's own way out in the end. Basically, I am needy. I am the type of person to retreat from conflict, to firmly think what I want and need, but never voice it. There have been times where I crawl into bed and replay my day and think "holy sh!t I carpe diemed the CRAP out of this day," and sleep with a sound mind that I grasped every opportunity and advantage I was given. Other times I have replayed the events of my day and I think "oh I could have brightened her day by lending a kind word," or "I should have attempted to flirt back with him," but you loose some you win some, right? Here are a few situations where I have carpe diemed the shiz out of that day.

I refer to this moment a lot, because I think it definitely is a moment that contributes to the box of "McKenzie's memories that shaped her into the outstanding human being she is today," although my mom said it was bratty and kind of lame of me. Oh well. So sometime in my past I had this boyfriend who I was quite fond of, we (he) decided to break things off because of personal reasons (he was starting his mission papers and could not have a girlfriend) so, respecting that decision- with much aide and support from friends and family, with Mom in bold print, I accepted it and we went our separate ways, kind of. See, going separate ways is hard when you live in Gilbert, Arizona, but whatever. Then, a few weeks after this devastating parting he decided it was okay to have a girlfriend, I know what you are thinking. What the heck! I am shocked! I am so confused! He clearly told me he could not have a girlfriend, yet he has one?! This, alongside a few other rumors heard throughout the grapevine, was the last straw. This moment happened right after the two minute warning bell for third period struck, and I was also struck with courage. I walked right out of my little circle of friends, as everyone was scrambling to make it to their class because at that point in the school year tardies were scarce, for no one wanted to accumulate yet another one, risking loosing credit for the class. I, in my good butt jeans and favorite sandals that remind me of my favorite blogger @sincerleyjules, walked right up to my ex boyfriend and his new girl and faced them, heart racing nonetheless, and said with a sincere (very sarcastic) tone, "aw what a cute couple," and walked away. Shay stood right behind me and caught up to me with her jaw on the ground. I can still picture her wide mouthed grin to this day. I was immature, I was low, I was snarky, but I was brave. I sure carpe diemed the shiz out of that one. The rest of the story was fun, it kind of spread just a little where an underclassman called me "savage" (a complimentary term, surprisingly) in my 6th period clay class. It was not and is not that big of a deal to anyone else involved, I am sure they two of them went of their merry way, drunk in love, and forgot about the whole ordeal, but I use that moment to tell myself that I can be brave, I can be passive aggressive and I always find everything out.

One time, I didn't carpe diem the shiz out of my day. One time I let a great, and possibly fantastic, opportunity slip out of my hands. This is the simple story of the boy meets girl, boy flirts with girl and makes her heart beat super fast, girl flirts back with boy and they become friends, but unlike the usual happily ever after fairy tale ending we are all to accustomed to, in this story, girl gets scared and finds excuses not to open herself up to said boy. So in the end, boy and girl move away and never speak again and girl is left wondering if boy ever wonders what could have happened with boy and girl. Have I lost you yet? Basically, jump at any chance you have at any kind of happiness, especially if that kind of happiness is wrapped up in a cute boy who makes your heart smile. Maybe if I would have opened myself up to a new relationship I would have been deliriously happy, or maybe I would have been burned. Who knows? All I know is that I am stuck here wishing that I would have seized the day, that I would have grasped the opportunity dangling in front of me and just took a giant leap of faith, because we can not let our past burns get in the way of our futures- we just can't let those crappy boys who ruined us ruin our chance at happiness.

Another moment in my life that I "carpe diemed" the day, when I decided to be less snarky and a little more smart, was when I decided to take a leap of faith and move to Malaysia to be a nanny. From the start I programmed myself that after graduation I would start at a great university in the fall, I would meet new and fabulous people and I would get a degree in business. Then I would carry onto be a fashion buyer where I would live in a realm of travel and sparkles and clothes, because up until halfway through my senior year that is what I wanted for my life. And then I hit this bump in the road, kind of like a midlife crisis but when I was 18, and I realized that I didn't want that life, I knew I could achieve it, I had no doubt, but after much prayer and thought I decided I could not decide on school, and it would come to me. And then this opportunity came, one where I would pack up my life into two 50 pound suitcases and a carry on to live 9,000 miles away, and be a nanny. And that moment that I decided to say yes, where I seized the day, I am grateful for that moment and this family every day of my life.

I hope that we all go to bed with the thinking that you carpe diemed the shiz out of the day, and the mindset that you will do it again tomorrow. I hope that we do not have to be a brat to exes in the hallway to feel good about ourselves, but sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. 

Keep doing you.

xoxo

Suck It Up

I was chatting with a friend over Facetime the other day and I was reminiscing in the good 'ol days. It went a little like this:

Me: "Carson, remember when life was so good? Like I had the cutest car, my little blue convertible bug, and I had a boyfriend and I was planning the senior grad nite trip to Disneyland?"

Carson: "Yeah, and remember when that went up into flames in like 3 days?"

This may sound harsh, but it's true. Within two weeks of time, less actually, my car broke down on the freeway on the way to work, my boyfriend and I ended things for real this time and also some little annoying kid somehow convinced the entire senior class that I single handedly kicked him off of the trip to make room for my ex-boyfriend, so you could say I went from 100 to 0 real fast. But here's the thing, I lived. I got a new car, I found a rebound, and I went to Disneyland and had a bomb time with my friends. It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy recovering from a breakup while starting at a new job where I would be at school from 7:30 am to 1:30 pm to rush across town to work the closing shift to come home at 10 pm to a plethora of hate messages from a crime I did not commit, it wasn't easy but I did it. That was a big trial to me. I was a struggling senior, broken hearted and stressed and on the verge of a breakdown, and I did. I broke down.

I put on a mask of happy emotions, I got my eyelashes done and I colored my hair and I looked fine. But inside I was breaking, inside I was loosing too many friends and possibly failing math. There was not a moment where I looked at my puffy face from crying- but never mascara streaked because thank you God for eyelash extensions- and I was all whole and healed, it didn't all happen at once. Slowly, these trials started to mend themselves. Slowly, I realized who my true friends are and I understood why some of my friends that I thought would be lifelong friends had to walk out of my life. I understood why some people can't be in your life at that moment and I had to be okay with that. Slowly, the senior class trip came and we went to Disneyland and I got a little bratty but we all made it there and back- although I had to watch my ex cuddle with his new girl during the whole ride on the trip that two friends and I single handedly put together, but still, I was there and I was trying and I was getting put back together. 

The whole time that my life was just so crappy, I was so frustrated because up to that moment where it all came crumbling down, life was good. I didn't, and to some point still don't, know why it all had to crash into explosive flames in front of me. Sometimes I sit here and wish that things could have just kept going how they were, where I was in a state of blind bliss. But today, at this moment at least, I am grateful that I am broken of that blind bliss. I am grateful that my oh so perfect life crumbled before me because if it had not, if it had not crumbled then, I wouldn't be as strong as I try to be today. I would not know my worth and what I can put up with and deal with- which is a lot more than I thought I ever could.

So sometimes life is really great, like you're in a dream state great, and sometimes life sucks, like you literally forget how to breathe sucks. But it always gets better, it has to, because we are not on this earth to constantly suffer. There is joy in every trial, because of that small trial a lifetime ago I bonded with my Heavenly Father, my family and friends that have impacted my life for a much greater cause than those who chose to walk out of my life.

So hold on, suck it up and stick it out because things are not going to suck for that much longer- and there is so much in this life to be happy about. And when those things stop sucking you will be able to laugh and learn at your trials with a best friend and prepare yourself for the next one.

xoxo