Not Caring Is Not Cool

High waisted jean booty shorts, bailing on someone, french fries without ketchup- not cool.

Crushes, milkshakes, big hugs- way cool.

"Tbh I am really good at texting back I just say I am not to sound more cool and less desperate." For some reason, the cool thing is not to care. When you're crushin' hard core on that cute boy in front of you in class, the cool and cute thing to do is be unavailable and not care that he makes your heart beat super fast when he whispers "hey" followed by your name. (Side note, isn't the way a cute boy says your name like the best thing since sliced bread?!) 

For some odd reason, showing no affection gets one more affection. For some reason, in this odd and beautiful world if I do not text back I suddenly gain power, but why can't sincere caring be cool and hip and groovy. Now I have fallen for this too, I have tried to not care when I am majorly crushing and unfortunately it works, and I have too backed off from a boy who shows too much interest.. unfortunately. IT IS JUST THIS SUCKY THINGS WE AS HUMANS DO. It's kind of like the thing about not liking your exes current fling or whatever as previously mentioned in "My Favorite Things To Hate: EXPLICIT" this "showing I care" thing is just not cool. Like no one wants a clingy girl, but also why in the heck is showing that I think you're kinda cute clingy? Why is it a big deal if you know I think you're cute? How does that alone suddenly make me less desirable? I mean the heart wants what it wants, but if you ask me, I am more likely to fall for a boy who shows a little interest rather than one who will text me and not respond after I do, what a world we live in. Ugh.

xoxo

So Here's The Thing

So here's the thing, my blog was conceived out of wedlock. I didn't create clearlykenzie to inspire people, to share workout tips, to spill where the greatest deals are, to showcase how spectacular this life I'm living is, it was created out of a quick moment of anger and sass and the want to get back at the source of my anger. My first post "oops," came out of my bitter, sarcastic, heartbroken side. I was sad at a boy who broke my heart, embarrassed me, made promises he chose not to keep, I was a mess. When I wanted to take a stab at that situation I would blog it out, I cope with humor. I would cover my feelings in a thick layer of satire to ease my soul, and slowly but surely my soul was put to ease. My best posts come from that bitter part of me that lets out all of my annoyances, but here's the thing- that bitter part of me is healing. My life is calmer now, I'm not boiling with anger when I think of a heartbreak, I'm not saying my life is perfect, because by all means it is far from it, but I'm happy. I read my scriptures, I keep people in my life who uplift me, I get to care to 4 of the sweetest kids on this planet and they bring a smile to my face everyday. I don't have a boyfriend, or a perfect hot bod, or even my full wardrobe, but I'm just happy. I have my bad days, I have days where I get jealous from a post on social media, where I get a flash of emotion from a song or a picture, days where I miss my mom lots, but I'm not bitter. 

So what I'm trying to say is, clearlykenzie might be a bit dull for a little, I'm sorry. I don't have anything to be bitter about, to pull my wit out and make snarky remarks on. I still get bugged like crazy at boys, I still don't like army pants, but I'm not waving my white flag on this blog, I'm just saying to the maybe 3 people that read my blog, I'm putting a pause on my pity party I like to occasionally throw and I am celebrating being happy. I'm continuing to post thoughts that pop into my head because we all know I have lots of crazy ones, and sometimes a memory comes to mind and I want to spill about my feelings and experiences, but don't give up on clearlykenzie. I'm maturing, I'm learning how to handle life when it doesn't go how I want it to, I'm learning to literally find joy in the mess- and this whole learning thing is actually quite messy. And I mess up, a lot. So believe in clearlykenzie, believe in celebrating happiness, believe in kisses, believe in kind words, believe in sugar, believe in friends.

Xoxo

Things To Remember

-it's always better to be together

-love the lovers, play the players

-every occasion calls for Taylor Swift

-don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to

-feelings are a gross thing and should always be avoided at all costs

-"all men are fools, the sooner you learn that the better"

-sometimes your everything isn't someone else's everything, but it will be for someone

-someone has to protect your heart, and sometimes you are the only person you can count on to do it

-not everyone you loose is a loss

-fake it 'til you make it, but you're gonna have to make it sometime

-when in doubt, doughnut it out

-you have to move on sometime

-it's okay to not be okay

-even if you suck at singing, never stop singing in the car 

-sometimes One Direction just hits the spot

-it's easier to forgive than to hold a grudge, as sucky as it seems :-/

-don't tell someone you miss them if you don't

-it's okay to text first sometimes!!!

-don't open old wounds, don't read old texts, don't let yourself miss someone who doesn't think about you

-friends let friends make crappy decisions, then friends hold their friends hands and hearts when that crappy decision breaks their heart

-go for what you want because always wondering what you're missing out on is sucky

-dressing up in hotel bath robes and taking selfies is fun when you're 8 or when you're 18

Xoxo

Questions That Haunt Me

-why are heart sunglasses still a thing
-why do all boys have naturally long eyelashes, not fair and not useful to them

-why are you still a thing

-how is texting first considered a weakness

-I have worked out religiously for a week why do I not have Kendall Jenner's body

-why are camo pants still a thing
-where do broken hearts go? ;-) *Name that song

-why are bubble necklaces still a thing
-why does Netflix take forever to load

-why bad extensions still a thing

-why is not being able to trust a boy still a thing

-why are plaid shirts tied around dresses still a thing

-why do I still care

-can you get much worse of a person?!

-how is it that I am half a world away and you still continue to make my blood boil
-WHY IS CELLULITE A THING

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-If I had a dollar for everytime I wanted to tweet "ur annoying" I would have a lot of dollars to look at

-missing someone is like insecurity and sadness and rejection all mixed in one, stamped with a big frowny face

-When u order a chat book but forget to delete pics of u and ur ex so it comes in and u get a fun surprise :-)

-I LOVE MORMON MOMS WHO OVERUSE EMOJIS

-To this day I am grateful I was able to wear heels to my proms

-So the thing is that I don't care but it still pisses me off but I don't care still

-My fav compliment is "you look happy" because one time someone told me I didn't look happy and I took it very seriously

-The right girl always likes the wrong boy

-I feel your soul forgetting about mine

-Do you ever look at someone and you're like whyyy did you do your hair like that???

-I am happy about being happy

-Do tears ever sprout in your eyes because you have seen the most beautiful pair of shoes because SAME

-You know that feeling where everything just hurts

-PUPPY HUNGRY

-I'm saying a biggg oui to you and me

-Are you ever about to do something risky then you decide not to and you feel a moment of peace because same

-I still have nightmares that Disney Grad Nite doesn't work out

-Kisses are killer

-Trying to find the good in goodbye still

-I already feel people forgetting about me, I can't imagine what missionaries feel like wowza

-No one wants a basketball shorts kind of boy :-/

-Highschool was fun because you could subtweet your crush and then he would text you then you would hangout and kiss but now you have to do things the real way, or your crush is on a mission or you're in Malaysia so

How To Cope With Being Single

So pretty much I feel like it is boyfriend season and I am the only one not invited to the holiday block party. Yes I am super happy for my friends who have a special someone because they are awesome and deserve it and all of that good stuff, but imma just say I am HELLA GLAD I am on the other side of the world because if I was home, while all of my besties have boyfriends, I might go a little stir crazy. So I have put together a fun little list of some tips to help those who spend their weekend nights alone, their wallpapers are not a cute selfie of them and a boy, and the closest thing they get to romance is watching "Dirty Dancing" on replay. If you are Seriously Single, then stay tuned.

TIP NUMBER ONE: Invest in Netflix, and find your show. You might be continuously bailed on for several weekend nights in a row, so it is time to find a show that you can get your social fix from. Trust me, it very well is possible to have a good Friday night by staying in with a smoothie and binge watching Greys Anatomy.

TIP NUMBER TWO: Be ready for cute boyfriend stories. If you are ever lucky enough to find someone who doesn't just want to hookup, someone who wants to want you and someone that you want to want, you are going to want someone to spill all of the cutesy and cheesy details too- so listen when your friend wants to gush about the flowers her boyfriend he got her and she will want to talk about how he texts her goodmorning, so be a good friend and think it is cute, because it is.

TIP NUMBER THREE: Maybe get a boyfriend so you aren't the seriously single friend.

TIP NUMBER FOUR: Be ready for moodswings about your besties beau, because you will have to love how nice and sweet and cute he is to your person one day, but be ready to chop off his head when he does something stupid the next. And then the next day you will listen to more stories about how he is so cute and good to her, just go along with it because one day you will be that girl complaining and gushing about your boyfriend- I promise you, and I promise that you will want a best friend to listen and agree with you. And never say "I told you so."

TIP NUMBER FIVE: Understand that you will no longer be your best friends best friend on snapchat, sad :-(

TIP NUMBER SIX: This is important, when you are lonely and sad and feel like eating three pints of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey, ONLY EAT ONE. Or none, but probably only one because when you are done you will only still feel sad about being single, but also feel gross because your tummy is filled with fat that will go straight to your legs.

TIP NUMBER SEVEN: Learn how to do things alone. Not only is it good to be independent before jumping into a relationship, but when you have a best friend it seems you two do everything together. Best friends share toothpaste, clothes and stories, and now your best friend's best friend will be her boyfriend, so learn to be independent. Learn to shop at Target alone, learn to go get takeout for one, but don't forget how to do it for two- incase she ever needs a break from her boy ;-)

TIP NUMBER EIGHT: Don't get mad at your bestie for spending all of her time with her boyfriend, as much as you want to be her number one, when you're in the start of a relationship that boy is everything to you, he lights up the sky and makes you feel a happiness you didn't think was possible. Anyone who truly cares for their best friend will want this for their bestie- because a part of being a golden good friend is wanting their happiness too. She will come around and learn how to manage her time, but be patient, because when you have a boyfriend you might spend a bit too much time with your boyfriend too.

TIP NUMBER NINE: DONT TALK CRAP ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS BOYFRIEND TO THEM OR ANYONE ELSE!!!! Yes being single sucks, but want to know what makes it more sucky, having an angry best friend on top of being single, DOUBLE WHAMMY. If you don't like them together, unless he's physically harming her or cheating on her or just seriously doing her wrong, then step in. Let her make her own mistakes, be her own person. Yes it sucks to foreshadow the downfall of a relationship but it is her heart and her decision, she knows how much heartbreak she can handle. 

TIP NUMBER TEN: Fill your new empty space with LOTS OF CUTE BOYS. I am not suggesting one should drop their best friend, but when she is out with her boyfriend maybe take that time to get to know that cute boy across the street. ;-)

Just some thoughts. 

xoxo

RIP LASHES

Today is a sad day, a year and a half ago I entered the greatest journey of my teenage years. I got eyelash extensions. I felt pretty, unstoppable, and just so darn confident with those suckers on. Today my last set of lashes was getting pretty sparse, so today I ripped them all off. RIP. Some thoughts going through my head:

-I haven't felt this ugly since I accidentally thought army jeans were cute and I put a pair on

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-Goodbye cute selfies

-Why would anyone not have eyelash extensions

-I WANNA FEEL PRETTY

-There's no one to impress in Malaysia anyway

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-I am going to shoot the eyelash growth serum in me like a heroine addict

-I am going to cry

-I am crying

-I have to worry about mascara running when I cry now

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-I really resemble a man

-I am texting my eyelash lady and setting an appointment for the day I get back into the states

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?