Questions That Haunt Me

-why are heart sunglasses still a thing
-why do all boys have naturally long eyelashes, not fair and not useful to them

-why are you still a thing

-how is texting first considered a weakness

-I have worked out religiously for a week why do I not have Kendall Jenner's body

-why are camo pants still a thing
-where do broken hearts go? ;-) *Name that song

-why are bubble necklaces still a thing
-why does Netflix take forever to load

-why bad extensions still a thing

-why is not being able to trust a boy still a thing

-why are plaid shirts tied around dresses still a thing

-why do I still care

-can you get much worse of a person?!

-how is it that I am half a world away and you still continue to make my blood boil
-WHY IS CELLULITE A THING

Thoughts That Came Into My Head

-If I had a dollar for everytime I wanted to tweet "ur annoying" I would have a lot of dollars to look at

-missing someone is like insecurity and sadness and rejection all mixed in one, stamped with a big frowny face

-When u order a chat book but forget to delete pics of u and ur ex so it comes in and u get a fun surprise :-)

-I LOVE MORMON MOMS WHO OVERUSE EMOJIS

-To this day I am grateful I was able to wear heels to my proms

-So the thing is that I don't care but it still pisses me off but I don't care still

-My fav compliment is "you look happy" because one time someone told me I didn't look happy and I took it very seriously

-The right girl always likes the wrong boy

-I feel your soul forgetting about mine

-Do you ever look at someone and you're like whyyy did you do your hair like that???

-I am happy about being happy

-Do tears ever sprout in your eyes because you have seen the most beautiful pair of shoes because SAME

-You know that feeling where everything just hurts

-PUPPY HUNGRY

-I'm saying a biggg oui to you and me

-Are you ever about to do something risky then you decide not to and you feel a moment of peace because same

-I still have nightmares that Disney Grad Nite doesn't work out

-Kisses are killer

-Trying to find the good in goodbye still

-I already feel people forgetting about me, I can't imagine what missionaries feel like wowza

-No one wants a basketball shorts kind of boy :-/

-Highschool was fun because you could subtweet your crush and then he would text you then you would hangout and kiss but now you have to do things the real way, or your crush is on a mission or you're in Malaysia so

How To Cope With Being Single

So pretty much I feel like it is boyfriend season and I am the only one not invited to the holiday block party. Yes I am super happy for my friends who have a special someone because they are awesome and deserve it and all of that good stuff, but imma just say I am HELLA GLAD I am on the other side of the world because if I was home, while all of my besties have boyfriends, I might go a little stir crazy. So I have put together a fun little list of some tips to help those who spend their weekend nights alone, their wallpapers are not a cute selfie of them and a boy, and the closest thing they get to romance is watching "Dirty Dancing" on replay. If you are Seriously Single, then stay tuned.

TIP NUMBER ONE: Invest in Netflix, and find your show. You might be continuously bailed on for several weekend nights in a row, so it is time to find a show that you can get your social fix from. Trust me, it very well is possible to have a good Friday night by staying in with a smoothie and binge watching Greys Anatomy.

TIP NUMBER TWO: Be ready for cute boyfriend stories. If you are ever lucky enough to find someone who doesn't just want to hookup, someone who wants to want you and someone that you want to want, you are going to want someone to spill all of the cutesy and cheesy details too- so listen when your friend wants to gush about the flowers her boyfriend he got her and she will want to talk about how he texts her goodmorning, so be a good friend and think it is cute, because it is.

TIP NUMBER THREE: Maybe get a boyfriend so you aren't the seriously single friend.

TIP NUMBER FOUR: Be ready for moodswings about your besties beau, because you will have to love how nice and sweet and cute he is to your person one day, but be ready to chop off his head when he does something stupid the next. And then the next day you will listen to more stories about how he is so cute and good to her, just go along with it because one day you will be that girl complaining and gushing about your boyfriend- I promise you, and I promise that you will want a best friend to listen and agree with you. And never say "I told you so."

TIP NUMBER FIVE: Understand that you will no longer be your best friends best friend on snapchat, sad :-(

TIP NUMBER SIX: This is important, when you are lonely and sad and feel like eating three pints of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey, ONLY EAT ONE. Or none, but probably only one because when you are done you will only still feel sad about being single, but also feel gross because your tummy is filled with fat that will go straight to your legs.

TIP NUMBER SEVEN: Learn how to do things alone. Not only is it good to be independent before jumping into a relationship, but when you have a best friend it seems you two do everything together. Best friends share toothpaste, clothes and stories, and now your best friend's best friend will be her boyfriend, so learn to be independent. Learn to shop at Target alone, learn to go get takeout for one, but don't forget how to do it for two- incase she ever needs a break from her boy ;-)

TIP NUMBER EIGHT: Don't get mad at your bestie for spending all of her time with her boyfriend, as much as you want to be her number one, when you're in the start of a relationship that boy is everything to you, he lights up the sky and makes you feel a happiness you didn't think was possible. Anyone who truly cares for their best friend will want this for their bestie- because a part of being a golden good friend is wanting their happiness too. She will come around and learn how to manage her time, but be patient, because when you have a boyfriend you might spend a bit too much time with your boyfriend too.

TIP NUMBER NINE: DONT TALK CRAP ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS BOYFRIEND TO THEM OR ANYONE ELSE!!!! Yes being single sucks, but want to know what makes it more sucky, having an angry best friend on top of being single, DOUBLE WHAMMY. If you don't like them together, unless he's physically harming her or cheating on her or just seriously doing her wrong, then step in. Let her make her own mistakes, be her own person. Yes it sucks to foreshadow the downfall of a relationship but it is her heart and her decision, she knows how much heartbreak she can handle. 

TIP NUMBER TEN: Fill your new empty space with LOTS OF CUTE BOYS. I am not suggesting one should drop their best friend, but when she is out with her boyfriend maybe take that time to get to know that cute boy across the street. ;-)

Just some thoughts. 

xoxo

RIP LASHES

Today is a sad day, a year and a half ago I entered the greatest journey of my teenage years. I got eyelash extensions. I felt pretty, unstoppable, and just so darn confident with those suckers on. Today my last set of lashes was getting pretty sparse, so today I ripped them all off. RIP. Some thoughts going through my head:

-I haven't felt this ugly since I accidentally thought army jeans were cute and I put a pair on

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-Goodbye cute selfies

-Why would anyone not have eyelash extensions

-I WANNA FEEL PRETTY

-There's no one to impress in Malaysia anyway

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-I am going to shoot the eyelash growth serum in me like a heroine addict

-I am going to cry

-I am crying

-I have to worry about mascara running when I cry now

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

-I really resemble a man

-I am texting my eyelash lady and setting an appointment for the day I get back into the states

-It's what's on the inside that counts anyway, right?

Do and Do Not Do of Senior Year

The words "senior year" have a tender effect on my heart. It's nostalgia and happiness and sad and change and tears all mixed in weird feeling inside my heart. If there is one word to describe senior year, for me it is "change." Friends change, plans change, wants and needs as a student, friend and human change. At least for me they did, rapidly. I haven't gathered too much wisdom after being graduated for maybe 3 1/2 months, but there's some "stuff" that I just think is important when you're a senior in high school. For most people, this is the first time in your life where something is permanently ending. If a year ago someone would have told me that in this short span of time I would loose and gain so many friends, or that I would fall for a stinkin' boy and spend nights crying over him, or that I would be spending 4 months across the world saying goodbye to my mom and friends, I would say that they are crazy and need to stop the drugs and probably give them a lesson on the Word of Wisdom because whatever they were taking to tell me these things are not healthy for them. I love all my friends exactly how it was, boys didn't notice me or talk to me, and I would be starting at a university in the fall. Change is inevitable.

Senior year is hard, it is hard because there is a lot of expectations. You have to know where you're going for college, know who your senior prom date is, know you are going to be saying goodbye to a lot of people and you're expected to be okay with that. This is just a little list of some "Do and Do Not Do's" that I have thought of recently:

-Always DO kiss the boy. It doesn't matter if he doesn't notice you, it doesn't matter if you are scared, it doesn't matter what is going to happen the next day at school, after you're graduated you will be gloriously happy that you kissed him. All you need is a burst of insane courage, a friend to take your gum in your mouth, and a crush standing there for a memory that you will laugh back on for the rest of your life. Go up and kiss him and run, go in for the kill and do it. I promise you will regret more things you don't do, than the things you actually do.

-Please DO NOT ever think "there is nothing to do in Gilbert," so you spend the night bumming around, throwing a little pity party because GILBERT IS SO BORING. BLAH BOO HOO LIFE IS SO HARD. Go out and watch stars with friends, have a slumber party with popcorn and ice cream, go *kiss and ditch a boy, ask your crush to walk around Downtown Gilbert, go to the drive ins, go to get dessert at a fancy restaurant in Scottsdale so you can get dressed up with all of your friends. I wish I would have spent more nights doing the lame things, rather than wishing that Gilbert wasn't so lame.

-DO go to the dance you don't get asked to, DO go with a group of gal pals because  *surprise* dance parties are fun! But please DO NOT not go to a dance because the boy you wanted to ask got asked, because guess what, one time I did that and I spent the night ALONE while all of my friends, including my crush, were at a dance, where the boy I had a crush on was dancing with another girl, and I was spending my night walking around Target. Being left out sucks, no one should willingly do it.

-Definitely DO talk to everyone in your classes, because guess what, in a few short months you will never see these humans again so get to know as many people as you can, because people need people and people are cool and being friendly is a good thing, really.

-DO NOT skip spending time with family or friends because you need to do a project for school or finish homework, this one is hard to explain in words, but you can do homework when you get home at midnight. Pull an all nighter to finish the project and trudge through school the next day, who cares, you got to hangout with a friend, a friend who you do not know how much longer they will be living in the same state as you.

-For the sake of what is good and holy, DO talk to that cute boy next to you in class. DO catch onto his hints that he is crushing onto you too, and DO let yourself like him. Let your guard down, let yourself make him the sunshine of your life because it feels good and you feel happy. Let yourself feel blue when you break up, it is just part of it all. But DO NOT go up to him and his new girlfriend in the middle of the hall and say "wow cute couple," because you are feisty af, actually DO do that, if you can handle his wrath afterwords. Whatever, you do, just DO make memories. 

-Last little bit, I am sure everyone has heard this, is DO go to every football game, DO go to In N Out after that football game, DO go to the dance party, DO dress up for spirit week, DO participate in Senior Grad Nite, DO include everyone in your class because that is what ends up mattering the most. DO NOT think you are too cool or that is too lame, because the "lame" stuff is the stuff that brings a smile to your face. Dare night seems lame? SO WHAT. Wearing PJ's to school seems lame? SO WHAT? The lame stuff actually isn't lame at all, it is what creates the most lasting memories.

xoxo

*Kiss and ditch is not a term to toy with a boys heart by leading him on then dumping him, it is where you call a boy and say "hey (insert crushes name) come outside I have a surprise for you," and then you and your friends drive to his house and as he gets out so do you, and you run up and plant a big one on him. Then you maybe smile really cutely and say "see ya bud," and sprint back into the car and have your friends drive away. 

If You Were A Store

I love categories, I love talking about categories of people and traits, like astrology- that kind of stuff I love because I love reading about myself. Lame I know. But anyway, I feel like I have lots of categories for boys. I mean there's different kind of cupcake boys or different kind of candy boys, but what about girls. There's lots of kinds of girls just like there's lots of kinds of stores.

-We have Nordstrom. Oh Nordstrom, I love you I really do. Nordstorm is the dependable girl, Nordstrom is the store that if you need anything odds are that it has it. And if it doesn't it will sell you something else to add to your closet. The Nordstrom girl is always there when you're down or up, she is there will cookies and a hug and a box of tissues when that stupid boy dumps you and she's there with a yipee and a skip when you get into the school of your dreams. 

-Then we have Forever 21. Hahahaha I am not a fan of Forever 21, not because I feel like I am above it (which I am not because I do own a few items from there!) but I personally just am not a fan of their company, their fast fashion sense of business and their crappy quality of clothing, but Forever 21 is like that friend that when you need a night of fun, they are there. The Forever 21 girl is the girl that steals boyfriends, she has a nice little fake bake, and she is just kind of nasty. She is who she is, but probably watch out because she is a shark.

-Of course, we have Anthropologie. The Anthropologie is the girl that is the girl of all girls, she is always nice and kind and never says a mean word, to any one's face at least. On the outside, Anthropologie is pretty and smells good and it makes your heart flutter, but when you go deep, like to the price tags, you feel a stab to the heart. Shopping at Anthropolgie comes at a high price, just as being friends with an Anthropologie girl comes with its own kinds of risks. Beware, because if she is talking nasty with you about another girl she probably is doing that about you, with someone else.

xoxo

I Was Really Sad At A Boy

One time, I was really really sad at a boy (shocker I know) and so, when in doubt doughnut it out right? This was smackdab in the middle of Assassins week, so I was staying far away at my dad's house and I was sad at this boy, every fiber of my being kind of felt like a big frowny face. 

So I told a little white lie, I told my dad I was going to Paigie's house and visit for some reason I can't even remember, and I drove all the way down Higley road until I found a Dunkin Donuts on Chandler Heights road, I got a chocolate covered donut with sprinkles and I parked in the nearby parking lot and I sat and cried. I do not even think I ate my donut, I just laid my chair back with my top down of my convertible bug and cried. This is an important moment to me. I don't know why, but it constantly pops in my head. I think it is important because this is when I realized it is important to be okay with not being okay. Because sometimes (a lot) boys are sucky, like your boyfriend telling you that he is telling people he is gonna hook up with another girl for the sake of the game kind of sucky, and sometimes you are lonely from hiding inside because of a stupid game and sometimes everything gathers up like a storm and that storm has to hit. 

One time, I was really sad at a boy. I was sitting in a fireside and I found out some sad news and I just got up and left. My sweet friend next to me was probably so confused and I had some explaining to do to him later, but I just left. The storm was too much. 

I got in my cute little bug and I drove down Higley road, I drove until I hit mountains, I drove until my tears covered my eyes and I couldn't see out of them anymore. This, like the when in doubt doughnut it out moment, is an important one to me because this is when I realized that you can do everything you can and get your hopes up and wish upon every 11:11 and blow on every eyelash, but you can't make someone want you. Sometimes people feel things for other people, and we as humans just have to be okay with that. We have to accept it, we don't have to like it, but we have to accept it because if we don't, if we sit in the fireside like everything is okay then the storm cannot pass, it can not calm, it will get louder and darker and windier and it will hurt that much more when it explodes.

One time, I was really sad at a boy. And so I started to shop like I have never shopped in my life, like ever. I mean I love new clothes- I love the new smell they all carry and I love walking out of a store with a shiny new bag and wrapping paper and oh gosh the feeling of coming home and laying out all that you have purchased is exhilerating really, but this got bad. This is when I realized that to make myself feel better I would go to the mall and hit my favorite store and spend maybe $30 in each store, until I had like 5 or 7 or 10 favorite stores. 

When I was lonely I would buy things, I began to love to spend money. This is one of the moments when I realized how important people are. Yes, a cute new mini skirt that makes my legs look oh-so-good is so so awesome in the moment, but in 4 months when I have worn it 20 times I will want a new one, but in 4 months when I am happy I will still have my best friend to be happy with me. This is when I noticed that if I have $11 in my bank account I can't go shopping, but when I have $11 in my bank account I can still laugh and cry and be with pals.

xoxo