So today I was gawking at another new plush and soft and lovely Wildfox sweater when my stomach started to growl and I realized that well I was hungry. Now, I have been hungry for a good week or so because I cannot eat a full meal, but today was like really super bad because it was 4 o'clock and I hadn't eaten at all today, and not the kind of "not eat" where I had a Luna bar and a banana, the kind of not eat where I drank a half diet coke for breakfast and called it good. So, naturally, I darted downstairs to the E-Bar and on my treacherous journey down the escalator I was thinking of all of the lavish things I wanted to eat- when it hit me. A cupcake. I do not know why I wanted a cupcake because cupcakes are hard to eat and always have too much frosting but for some odd reason I craved the sugary mockery of a cake. However, as I reached the counter I was bummed to find out that the E-bar does not sell cupcakes, so needless to say I was pretty disappointed. So as I ordered my zuchinni bread (which actually is a lot better than one would assume) I was dwelling on this idea of dissapointment and cupcakes and high hopes when it hit me- BOYS ARE LIKE CUPCAKES. I had a clever tweet, but this idea just kept growing and growing faster, kind of like how army pants rapidly get cuter and cuter with time!!!! So, here it is-Why boys are like cupcakes:
-Cupcakes are so darn cute: and boys, unfortunately, are so darn cute. I wish that cute boys didn't make my heart beat fast, my speech stutter and my face go red but they do.
-There are so many kinds of cupcakes: I mean you have every flavor imaginable (literally) and then you can get into brands, like you can go with the cute Fresh N Easy store brand, a nice Target cupcake, or the all envied Sprinkles cupcakes. Also, there are like a bajillion types of boys. We have the skater, the Mormon f boy, the "nice guys," the "imma yell offensive comments to cute girls at the mall to get their attention because they will look my way" boys and so many more. Just like we would all take a Sprinkles cupcake over the rest, we all want a boy that is the Sprinkles cupcake equivalence- right ladies?! The Sprinkles cupcake boy will text you first, he will tell you that you are cute, he will make your heart melt and weak in the knees because his smile will light up when he sees you, he will ask you questions about yourself and tickle your knee, he will ask you how you are doing. BIG S/O TO THE SPRINKLE CUPCAKES BOYS- YOU KEEP DOING YOU.
-Cupcakes are kind of a lesser version of a cake: Cupcakes are fun, but hard to eat and can get messy- like boys. Boys are immature and hurt girls so easy, which I feel like if cupcakes were humans they would do the same. Hence, cupcakes=boys while cakes=men. A cupcake boy will be fun for a good month or two, he will ask for that occasional hookup but you fall for it because he's cute (as previously mentioned) and probably a smooth talker. A cupcake boy is the kind of boy who asks if he can kiss you before he actually does, which is actually kind of awkward and a bit weird. While a cake man, hahah weird to say, will not ask for a hookup, he asks for a date. A cake man takes interest in what you have to say, he kisses girls in the moment when it feels right, and the cake man always wins.
In closing of my little rant, cupcakes are fun. They're cute in the moment and most usually make for a fun Instagram post, but in the long run we all want a cake. Because a cake has substance, a cake lasts, and a cake is the better deal.
